EDITION FIVE
Freedom is Slavery
the new "have-you-seen-it?" zine
from your undercova agents @ OHS
proudly naming names since late-may-to-early-june!
Little Doth it M.A.T.T.E.R.
Hooray for Health! (yes, that was sarcasm)
I have come to the conclusion that Health class is yet another required, annoying, pointless class for idiots. At the moment, we are investigating the intriguing "Health Triangle" Apparently, each tip of the triangle represents the three components of Health: Physical, Mental and Social. Has anyone noticed that abbreviated this becomes PMS? Interesting. Very interesting.
         Besides that, we are eventually going to learn about nutrition. What's the point? We all know: eat your veggies, eat lots of beans for your heart and an apple a day keeps the doctor away. I say, screw Health. Here I will give you all the health information you wil ever need in order to stay a healthy human being:

Andromeda's Way to a Healthy Lifestyle
1. Do Not Drink 8 Glasses of Water a Day
If your health teacher tells you to drink 8 glasses a day tell him/her/hiir that they are wrong. In fact, 8 is a random number. There is no scientific basis for 8 glasses of water a day.If you drink too much water the sodium in your blood will lessen and cause your brain to swell. Marines and marathon runners have been hospitalized, and yes you can ultimately die. A very expensive medical study was done and they came to this conclusion: in order to stay healthy, a person should drink when thirsty.

2. Do Not Become a Father in Mexico
Boys, although rarely practiced in most parts of Mexico, in some areas if you become a father, while your wife is having a baby you must "join in the experience" This means you have to sit in the rafters above her with a string tied around your testicles. When your wife is is pain, she will pull the string so you can feel her pain.

3. Don't Stay Awake In Health Class
You will be bored to death.
          I truly believe the most  confusing topic you could ever wonder would be to wonder what drives a P.T.A. mom to be a P.T.A. mom. After weeks of careful thought, I've detetrmined it to be the shittiest job ever; yet, they continue. For example, there is the Ossining charity cleverly named "Ossining M.A.T.T.E.R.s" As yet, the only goals they seem to have are getting new tracks for AMD and OHS, but it seems unfathomable how they plan to improve the entire district. Here's a quick overview:

~We have a fascist running the middle school (a bit of a problem, no?)

~The arts programs are shit, particularly at AMD.

~Half of the teachers at OHS (esp. subs) are recent releasees from various mental wards around the tri-state area.

~The curriculum for English revolves around state tests, and we have a fucking rubric for ART and GYM

~We have to lug our textbooks for language and math from class to class because the school can't afford to buy more.

~9/10 teachers have IQ's lesser than those of amneisic howler monkeys.

So lets see Cindy Winter and her horde of cheerful housewives fix these little issues.

Oh, and I could use a better computer, too.   
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