~*~ Chapter 13 ~*~
REDDING, CA – The Addams’ House – Christmas Dinner
“Start from the beginning. And no lies, please.” Ashley asked Kirstin.
“But, what do you wanna know exactly? Because I seriously don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Kirstin, I wanna know everything. Like… When did you start going out with him?” Kirstin knew the truth would hurt Ashley, but she couldn’t lie to him.
”The very next day after I broke things off with you.” she looked down and played with her fingers.
“So…” Ashley continued, clearly hurt “You had this whole thing planned out? You’d dump me and run to the waiter boy the very next day? Was that your plan?”
“No, Ashley! It was nothing like that! I can’t believe you think I’d do such a thing.”
“Oh, no? Because when you put things the way you did, that’s how it looks like, like you couldn’t care less about my feelings.”
“Wow, Ashley, you really think everything in this world evolves around you, don’t you?”
“What?”
“You heard me. You are always with this talk ‘Oh, you hurt me’, ‘Oh, I loved you so much and you broke my heart into pieces’, ‘Oh, my feelings’, ‘Oh, poor me’. Why don’t you quit whining for a second and look around you? Do really think it was easy for me?”
“I don’t know, Kirstin, I mean…”
“That’s right, you don’t know.”
“Then explain it to me. Explain to me why you left me and ran to that guy the very next day.”
“Ashley… I… I don’t know why I left you for him, but I do know it wasn’t easy at all. Not even for a second. When I got to Tom’s door the next day, I was still unsure. It was hurting that I had left you, still hurts me sometimes…” she looked down “but I had to do it or else, later on, we’d both get hurt even more.”
“Why you say that?”
“Ashley, first, when we agreed we’d be together and I said I didn’t mind you traveling all the time, I had no idea it would be as hard as it was. I thought it would be ok, in fact, I thought it would be great, because then we’d have time for us, we wouldn’t be sick of seeing each other all the time. But I was wrong. The first time you stayed in Orlando and I went back to New York and saw myself without you, it hurt so much.”
“It hurt me too, Kirstin, but it never crossed my mind to leave you just because of that. My feelings for you were so strong that I was prepared to be with you, living in another city and all, just so I’d have the person I loved by my side.”
“But you didn’t have me by your side, Ashley!” Kirstin looked deeply into his eyes. She had a sad look on “See? That’s what I’m trying to say here. For me, it didn’t feel like I had you. At all. And I didn’t like that feeling. The feeling that I had to be truthful and faithful to a person I’d see once in a month. And I’d see you once a month if I was lucky.”
“Kirstin, but you knew it would be like that, so why did you let us go through with that in the first place?”
“I don’t know, Ashley. I guess I thought my feelings for you would make me surpass all that, but then, after a while away from you, I realized that it wouldn’t. And the thing that really screwed up our relationship was the fact that I had this gorgeous man, which I knew that loved me so much, by my side, all the time. That whenever I felt blue, whenever I felt like talking, whenever I felt like having a good time or whenever I felt like just sitting there, doing nothing, he’d be there. By my side.”
“Tom…”
“Yes. Tom. Don’t you see what he became?” he looked at her puzzled “He became you. When we were in high school. He became the Ashley I was so in love with.”
“So, what are you saying? That you didn’t love me? That the whole time we were together, you never loved me or felt anything for me?”
“No, Ashley. All I’m saying is that I don’t know this new Ashley. I don’t know him well enough to fall in love with him.”
“But you didn’t give me enough time to show you this new Ashley you’re talking about.”
“No, Ashley. You didn’t give me enough time to know this new Ashley I’m talking about.”
“So, you’re saying it’s all my fault it didn’t work out between us?”
“No, of course not! It was no one’s fault! The timing just… wasn’t right. You have your band. I wouldn’t and couldn’t ask you to leave the band just so we could be together. You’ve dreamed about this life you have now your entire life, I couldn’t take you away from all of that. I cared too much about you to do that to you.” Ashley looked her deeply in the eyes.
“Kirstin, I…”
“Ashley, you don’t have to say a word. I had to explain this whole thing to you, why I left, why I’m with Tom. You deserve to know all the facts. Do you understand it all now?” Ashley just nodded. Kirstin smirked and they both looked at the horizon.
“Can I just ask you one more thing?”
“Yes, of course.” she stared at him.
“Why are you marrying him?”
“What do you mean, why?”
“Like, when we were together, you would always ask me not to call you my girlfriend. Now, 11 months later, you’re engaged to this guy. Don’t you think you moved a little too fast for someone who wouldn’t even allow her previous lover to call her his girlfriend?”
“I knew you’d go that way.” she smirked and turned her gaze again to the horizon. The sun had already set and the sky was a beautiful mixture of navy blue and black “You know when you don’t know how to answer a question, but you feel the answer inside of you? Like, you can’t put the feelings you have inside of you into words in order to explain why you’re doing such a thing? This is how I feel. I can’t explain it to you. I just feel it. I don’t know if I’m right or wrong, but my feelings for him are so strong that I’m willing to take the risk. Marry him. It was just one of those situations where I had to make a choice: take it or leave it. And I took it.”
“I hope you’ve taken the right path.” he smirked down.
“Really?” Kirstin’s eyes were watery “Do you really hope things work out between me and Tom?”
“Yeah. I know I’m going to regret saying this later, but I hope you’re right. You don’t deserve to be hurt anymore. I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to, I…” now Ashley was crying. That sight made Kirstin burst into tears too.
“Ashley, you said it already. You didn’t know! I should have told you. I know you wouldn’t have hurt me.”
“I wouldn’t, Kirstin. I loved you too much to hurt you. Man, I feel so bad now, I mean…”
“Don’t, Ashley. It’s all right.” Kirstin rubbed his back to calm him down “I caused this to myself. I never talked to you about this. And it was wrong. A relationship is all about communication and I wasn’t communicating with you. I’m sorry.” Kirstin brought him into a hug. They stayed like that for a while. After a few minutes, Ashley backed away.
“Can I just ask you one more thing? I swear, it’s the last one.”
“Yeah. Go ahead.”
“Can we be friends now? Like we used to be?” Ashley was actually afraid of the answer. What if she said no? That she couldn’t be his friend, that Tom wouldn’t understand, that she wouldn't like him to be her friend anymore. He wasn’t facing her when she answered.
“I’d be more than happy to have you as my friend again.”
They got up and hugged each other even tighter. Now nothing could come between their friendship. Or could it?
* Thanx Taryn for reviewing and correcting the grammar errors *
~*~ Chapter 12 ~*~
~*~ Chapter 14 ~*~
Feedback: [email protected]