~*~ Chapter 23~*~

NEW YORK CITY, NY – Kirstin’s Loft – Sunday

     Kirstin stretched. She opened her eyes and saw Ashley looking at her from his side of the bed. He was smiling at her. She didn’t say anything, just smiled back. Like that, they stayed for a while. Ashley was unbelievably happy. He was smiling because he couldn’t help but smile. She was so beautiful. He loved her so much and was so happy they had shared that intimate moment the night before. And sleeping with her wrapped around his arms was terrific. He couldn’t believe that, finally, she was his. All his. She had chosen him. The girl he had always loved was right there, lying in bed with him in that Sunday morning, smiling her beautiful smile at him.

     “Hey.” Kirstin decided to speak through her smile, in a sweet tone.

     “Hi.” Ashley, too, said in a kind tone.

     “What are you thinking about?” Ashley was just looking at her, smiling.

     “That I love you too much.” Kirstin’s smile faded. She still couldn’t say it back, she felt bad for that because she didn’t know why she couldn’t say it back. She wanted to, but the words just wouldn’t come out. But by the look on Ashley’s face, she sensed he needed to hear something from her. She sat up right in front of him, both of them with their legs crossed.

     “I really, really, really, really, really like you! A lot! But…”

     “Shhh…” Ashley placed his index finger gently on Kirstin’s lips. “Don’t say anything else. What you just said was enough for me.” Ashley smiled, but Kirstin didn’t. Ashley was being too nice to her. She felt she didn’t deserve him “Come on! Get ready and we’re going out to eat breakfast.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

NEW YORK CITY, NY - Kirstin’s Car

     “Where are we going anyway?” Kirstin asked from the passenger seat. She had asked Ashley to drive them.

     “What do you say we go to the hotel, eat breakfast there so I can see what I have to do today, because if I have nothing, we could do something together.”

     “Ok.” Kirstin agreed. It sounded like a good idea. So they headed to the hotel.

~*~*~*~*~*~

NEW YORK CITY, NY - Hotel

     Ashley was going into the hotel’s restaurant, holding hands with Kirstin, when he heard a familiar voice call out his name.

     “Yo, Ash! Over here!” he turned to see Trevor waving at him. Ash waved back, but didn’t go to the table right away. He and Kirstin trailed to the buffet table to get some food. After getting everything they wanted, they got to the table and greeted Erik, Jacob, Dan and Trevor and sat down. Trevor started, grinning:

     “So… how was your night?”

     “Good, good.” Ashley replied with a big smile. He didn’t have to say anything else for the guys to understand what he wanted to tell, but wouldn’t. Kirstin just took a sip of her orange juice. After that, she asked, looking at Trevor and Erik:

     “And how was yours?”

     “It was great! We had such a great time! Grace is so cool!” Erik was all enthusiastic.

     “I’m so glad you guys liked her. She is cool. No wonder she is my best friend. But… what about Tom and Lexie?” she asked, not facing anyone at the table, playing with the egg and bacon on her plate.

     “We didn’t really have a chance to talk to them, they were all over each other the whole night.” Trevor answered Kirstin. Ashley was focused on Kirstin’s facial expressions. He wanted to see if that was getting on her nerves.

     “Oh, I see…” Kirstin was looking down, no expression on her face. Ashley talked then.

     “What time did you leave the club?”

     “I think it was around 4.”

     “Wow! It was really great, then!” Ashley exclaimed “Because we left, what? 1, 2 a.m.?”

     “It sure was!” Trevor was still excited about the night before “I got some new numbers to add on my phone book!” he winked.

     “And…” Kirstin spoke up “Did Tom give you guys a ride back to the hotel as I told him to?”

     “Yes. He drove Grace home, then brought us here.” Erik answered.

     “Oh, ok. Good. Good.” Kirstin glanced down, wondering ‘Did he go home with Lexie?’.

     Everybody finished their breakfast and went their separate way.

     Ashley and Kirstin went to find the Mikes so they’d know the band’s appointments for the day. They knocked on the Mikes’ room door.

     “Hey, Ashley. Hey, Kirstin. Come on in.” Mike Cronin motioned for the two of them to enter the room.

     “Where’s the other Mike?”

     “He’s out. Had to take care of renting a limo.”

     “I see. I wanted to know our schedule for today.”

     “You have to do one radio interview and a photo shoot.”

     “What time?”

     “The radio is at 3 and the photo shoot… let me check.” Mike went through this folder that was on a desk “At 6.”

     “And do you know the time we get out?”

     “Around 8. Why?”

     “Nothing. Kirstin and I were planning on doing something later tonight.”

     “I see.”

     “Alright then, Mike. Bye, man. Thanks!”

     “Bye.” Kirstin spoke shyly.

     “Bye, you guys.”

     When they were out in the hall, Ashley talked:

     “So… what about tonight?”

     “I don’t know. What do you think?”

     “I could go to your house again. We could have dinner.”

     “Yeah, ok, I guess.”

     “K, are you ok?”

     “Yes, I’m fine. Why are you asking?”

     “I don’t know. You’re weird today. Can we go to my room and talk?”

     “Yeah, sure.”

     When they were sitting on the foot of Ashley’s bed, he started:

     “So… how are you? Are you feeling ok?”

     “Yes, I’m fine, Ashley. I told you that already.”

     “Yeah, but it doesn’t look like you’re alright. You’re… different. Does it… have anything to do with, you know? Last night? Do you regret it?”

     “No, Ash! Of course not! It was great! I’ve never felt so loved by anyone before like I did last night!”

     “Maybe it’s because everyone you’ve been with didn’t deserve to be with you” when Ashley finished that sentence, he saw a tear drop from Kirstin’s eyes and make its way down her chin “What, K? What’s wrong, baby?" Kirstin hugged him tightly “What, baby? Talk to me, please.” he patted her back.

     “Thank you.”

     “What? Why thank you? What are you thanking me for?”

     “For loving me.”

     “You shouldn’t thank me. I should thank you for letting me show you how much I love you.” Kirstin was still hugging him, crying like a baby  “Shh… it’s ok.” Ashley was trying to calm her down. He then thought of something that could be the reason she was crying “K, I know you don’t like talking about it, but… can you tell me what happened to you before we met? With your other 2 boyfriends?”

     Kirstin pulled back from the hug suddenly.

     “Why? Why? Why do you wanna know about that?”

     “Why? Because it’s obvious they hurt you pretty badly and they are still hurting you because of whatever they did. And I wanna help you get over that. But in order to do that, I need to know what happened.”

     Kirstin, shyly, looked away. She knew she’d have to talk about it with someone someday. She wouldn’t want to, but she would have to. And the time had come. She couldn’t think of any person better than Ashley to share that. He would comfort her. He clearly loved her.

     She got up from the bed and stood in front of the room’s big window. She wanted to start talking, but the words wouldn’t come out of her mouth. She felt a warm embrace from behind. Ashley placed his chin on her shoulder and they stared at the view. She felt safe. Ashley would protect her. He would never do anything like the others did to her.

     “It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me.” Ashley whispered in a sweet tone.

     “No, Ash. I want to.” Kirstin turned to face him “Let’s sit first.” She led him to a couch in the room. Kirstin had her head down. Ashley covered her right hand with both his hands to make her feel everything would be alright. Kirstin glanced up deeply into Ashley’s beautiful blue eyes and started talking again “I was in 9th grade when I met Jess. It was love at first sight. I was so naive.” she shook her head “I was what? 14 years old? So, anyway, he was a quarterback, I was cheerleader.”

     “You were a cheerleader?” Ashley sounded surprised. He never thought of Kirstin as a cheerleader. She was nothing like a cheerleader. Kirstin giggled at his surprised look.

     “Yes, I was a cheerleader. A long time ago. So… me being a cheerleader and he being the team’s quarterback, we being a couple was gonna happen anytime. But for me, it was not about ‘Oh, I’m the cheerleader so I gotta have the quarterback’. I really, really, really loved Jess. He was the first boy I’ve ever loved. And then, when we got together, it was like… a lot of people were happy for us, but on the other hand, a lot of people hated us aswell. We were seen as the sweet, perfect couple every high school has. But there were people jealous of us. Especially the girls. Girls were crazy about Jess. He was tall, strong, blond, blue eyes. He was a year older than me. He was every high school girl’s dream. So, we were together and after 6 months, there was this party at this guy’s place. He played with Jess. Everything was fine, I was talking to my friends and then realized Jess was missing. I went looking for him and found him in bed with a slut that was also on the cheerleading squad. After that, I left the squad because I couldn’t be partners with that slut and swore I’d never love anyone again. But then, a while later, there was Taylor. He was in my math class. We were friends while I was dating Jess and he helped me a lot when I was down because of Jess. It’s hard when it’s the first time you’re ever in love with someone and you get so heartbroken as it happened with me and Jess, because I really thought he loved me too. And Taylor was my shoulder to cry on. It was like that all the time and when we were in 10th grade, we eventually got together. We were a couple for 10 months. At the 7th month, I lost my virginity to him. I really thought he was the one I should do it with. And it was great. I never regretted losing my virginity to him, because the night was so special and he was such a gentleman. He was my friend first then my boyfriend. It felt perfect. But then, he became violent.” Kirstin stopped when she saw the angry look on Ashley’s face “Not like that. He did not hit me. I wouldn’t allow it. I’m not stupid. No man is worth it. Our relationship became to get weird this one night we were in bed. I didn’t want to have sex with him because we were in my room and my mom and dad could get home at anytime. But he wanted to have sex. And he was big, really strong! I couldn’t fight back, even if I wanted to. And he was pretty smooth, too. He would, little by little, talk me into it, taking my clothes off. All the time, I was asking him to stop. He wouldn’t listen, saying it was fine, that he loved me, I belonged to him. Then he entered me. During all the sex, I turned my face to not look at him and I was crying during the whole thing.”

     “He rapped you?” Ashley stood up, really mad.

     “No! Sit down!” Kirstin took his wrist for him to sit. When he did, she continued “I don’t see it as he rapped me. I wasn’t fighting back. I let him do that to me. I loved him, so I let him do that. But that night wasn’t the only time that happened. And he was getting really weird, kind of possessive, too. He couldn’t see me talking to any guy, because later, he’d scream at me. And he wouldn’t let me hang out with my girl friends either. But then, there was this one time that I went to the mall with my sister and there was a friend of mine there. A guy friend. We were talking while my sister was shopping for something and when we were saying our goodbyes, we hugged each other, but we were pretty good friends and we hadn’t seen each other in a long time so it was a long hug. And I don’t know why, Taylor was there and he saw us hugging and went to us and broke our hug. He was really disturbed, talking loud and pointing his finger at me, all mad, making a huge scene. Then he lifted his hand and made its way to my cheek. Luckily, my friend was quick enough and grabbed Taylor’s wrist before it got to my cheek. After that, right there at the mall, I broke up with him, saying I never wanted to see him again. I loved him, but I couldn’t let that continue. And if he tried to hit me, he was not worth it. I’m never gonna allow a man to hit me. Ever! Later on, I was really afraid of him because he’d show up at my house and call me on the phone every single day. So I told my parents everything and pleaded for us to move. So we moved to a new neighborhood and I changed schools. That’s when you and I met. After that, I stopped believing in love because it had failed me twice. I never wanted to be disappointed by anyone again, so I stopped believing in love.” Kirstin was being really strong. She didn’t drop a tear. Jess and Taylor didn’t deserve her tears.

     “Wow…” was all Ashley could say. Kirstin had a weak smile on.

     “Yeah…”

     “Wow… you’ve been through a lot. More than I could’ve imagined.”

     “Yeah, well…” Kirstin played with her fingers.

     “I’m sorry.” Kirstin looked up at Ashley.

     “You’re sorry for what?”

     “For getting mad at you for leaving after our prom night. If I had known about it, I would have talked to you and made it clear I didn’t wanna play you. I really loved you. I wasn’t gonna be like Jess and Taylor.”

     “It wouldn’t matter. I wouldn’t have believed you. Taylor said the same thing to me when I got hurt by Jess and look how he turned out to be.”

     “But… wow, K, I really don’t know what to say.”

     “Don’t say anything, Ash. It’s ok. It’s no one’s fault but, Jess’ and Taylor’s. I don’t blame anyone. I'm just more protective of myself. I began to build a wall around my heart. With every guy, that wall would grow taller and more fortified until, eventually, it became impenetrable. I wanted someone to bring the wall down, Ash, I did. But I just didn’t know by then if you should be the one to bring it down.” Kirstin looked at Ashley’s big blue eyes and in a sweet tone continued “But I do now.” Ashley smiled and Kirstin continued, knowing she could trust him “I need your help, Ash. I need you to bring that wall down.”

     “I’ll be more than pleased to do it, Kirstin.” Ashley stood up, took Kirstin’s hand in his. Kirstin got up and hugged Ashley tightly “I love you Kirstin.” they stood there. Kirstin could trust Ashley. He wouldn’t let her down. Would he?

* Thanx Stacie from http://www.angelfire.com/stars4/otownified/ for correcting the grammar on this chapter

~*~ Chapter 22 ~*~

~*~ Chapter 24 ~*~

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