I woke up to the smell of Taylor’s shampoo. I looked around in dismay at my surroundings. I was in his room, in his bed. I was relieved to find that he was not in the bed with me but on the floor amongst a pile of blankets and pillows. He looked angelic as he slept. It made me smile to see him like that.

I began to get up and he immediately sat up. He looked at me and I looked at him and for a fraction of a second I forgot all about his relationship with Cleo. He was still my baby and everything was like it had been before. Of course, it only lasted for a second and then I glared at him. “Why am I here?”

“To see the family and hang out with Zac.” He stated simply. He sounded so calm, so casual that it almost scared me. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Why am I in your room?”

“You and Zac were sleeping in the living room so I woke Zac up and carried you up here and then I slept on the floor.”

“Why didn’t you just put me on Zac’s top bunk?”

“I’m too weak to lift you up that high.”

“Oh, well why didn’t you just-“

“I just didn’t. This was the easiest way and this was the way I did it.” He stood up and left the room. The way he cut me off, I knew he was upset about something. But he had no reason to be upset. He was the one that had diminished our relationship, not me.

I left it. If he was mad, let him stay that way. I had too much stress over Kyle and my growing collection of bruises. He told me that if I obeyed him and told no one of what he did to me, he wouldn’t hurt me and I believe him. I have no choice but to believe him. Dealing with his abuse was problem enough. I didn’t need Taylor to add to my problems.

Being in his bed with the smell him all around me was having a profound affect on me. I missed his touch, his kisses, the way he was always so gentle, and the way he always knew exactly what to do to make me want him. I missed him. If he had come back into the room at that moment there is no doubt in my mind that I would have forgiven him and taken him to bed without any hesitation. But, thankfully, he didn’t come back and I was safe for the moment.

I got out of bed and went down to breakfast. He sat at the kitchen table with Avery and Jessica. He was eating a bagel in what looked like a most unhappy way. His lips were curled into an unpleasant frown that made his whole face look depressing. I watched him eat as I stood in the doorway. It was as if he was frowning at his bagel.

“Hi Gya.” Avery smiled at me, taking me out of my trance. I smiled back at her and sat next to her.

“Hey Avie. Sleep well?”

“Yep.”

“Cool.” I tried not to look at Taylor but the feel of his eyes on my skin was too much for me. Our eyes met and he looked away. At that moment, seeing the look in his eyes, I wanted badly to just grab him and make love to him right there on the kitchen table in front of his sisters. I think he sensed it and that’s why he looked away.

“Want some breakfast?” Taylor mumbled, keeping his eyes on his food. I smiled.

“I can get it.” I started to stand up but he waved me off and stood himself, retrieving a bagel from the counter and handing it to me. “Thanks.” I began to eat. I felt his eyes on me as silence filled the room, but this time I didn’t look up.

Jessica left the kitchen quietly. Taylor stood up moments later. He looked away from me and I looked at my bagel. “We need to talk.” He mumbled. It wouldn’t have even been audible if it weren’t for the silence that engulfed the room. I nodded, not wanting to for the simple reason that I knew if I was alone with him, I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I only agreed for the sake of speech. We needed to talk about our problems and the answers that would solve them. Avery did not interfere even though Taylor and I both knew she knew what was going on.

She spoke up after Taylor left, “Are you ever going to get back together with Taylor? This is getting stupid.” She stated as she got up to put her bowl in the sink.

“I don’t know. He cheated on me.”

“So? It was once and he hasn’t touched a girl since. He loves you. He’s been so depressed lately.”

“It’s the principal, Avie. I told him not to cheat on me or he’d be gone and he did so he’s gone.”

“Go and talk to him before Zac wakes up.” I laughed at the sterness in her voice. An eleven-year-old was yelling at me.

“Is that an order?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, ma-am.” I stood up and walked up the stairs to Taylor’s room, guessing that if he wasn’t there, he would be eventually. Fortunately, he was already in his room, folding the blankets he had slept on the previous night. I stood in the doorway and watched him for a few minutes, unsure if he was aware of my presence or not.

“You didn’t have to come immediately.” He spoke quietly, keeping his eyes on his work.

“Avery told me to.” I picked up a blanket and began folding it.

“Oh.” We stayed quiet, folding blankets, for the longest time it seemed. Then, he stopped in the middle of folding and looked at me, “I love you.” The way he said it brought tears to my eyes. He sensed them and began folding again.

“I love you, too.” I whispered, only slightly shocked that I had said it. He dropped the blanket and looked at me blankly.

“You don’t show it.”

“You cheated on me.”

“And I’ve done nothing with anyone else since then. In fact, I’ve barely done anything but stay in the house except to go on a few blind dates that my brothers insisted on me going on.”

“You were gone yesterday.”

“I was away.”

“Zac said you were off fucking some girl.” I crossed my arms and gave him an angered look. His eyes went wild.

“He was lying.” He stated, his voice almost frantic.

“That’s what you said about Cleo.”

“I never said that I wasn’t with her for that night.”

“Look, whatever. I don’t care who you fuck or who you don’t. We are no longer together and I, for one, have moved on…” I began to fold again, trying my damnedest to act indifferent to the entire situation. Apparently, he wasn’t finished speaking yet.

“To what? Kyle, the wife-beater?” my head snapped up. How did he know?! “That’s right, I know all about Kyle hitting you and threatening your life. You really want to know what I was doing yesterday? I’ll tell you-“ His voice was raising in the same way that Kyle’s raised when he was about to hit me and I instinctively shrunk back from him a bit to avoid a blow. He saw me do this and his entire manner changed. His muscles loosened and his eyes went soft, “I took a flight to Chicago and I found Kyle and I made sure that he never hits you again.”

I stared at him. I couldn’t believe he had done that for me. I dropped to a sitting position on his bed and hugged one of his many pillows to my chest, resting my chin on the top of it, “You didn’t kill him, did you?” I whispered, staring at the wall opposite to me. I could see him kneeling in front of me and I looked down at him. What I saw scared me and made me happy at the same time. In his eyes, I saw a sweetness, an utter love, that I knew I would never find in another human being. At that moment, I knew that he loved me without reason or need but simply because he did. And I also knew that whatever he had done in the past and whatever he might do in the future was totally forgiven and already forgotten.

I smiled down at him and smoothed a hand over his cheek and he smiled back up at me, “No, but if it would have protected you, I would have.” He moved a hair behind my ear and before I knew what had hit me, his lips were on mine in a soft kiss. I pulled him close and kissed him back with all the love I could muster. I needed him and I needed this.

The clothes were shed and soon we were making love. It didn’t matter that his entire family was home or that the door was unlocked and wide-open or that the bed creaked or that it was obvious to every waking creature on this Earth what we were doing. The only thing that mattered was that we were in each other’s arms. To us, the World had died and it was just he and I, two lovers caught up in a passionate embrace that seemed to last forever. I didn’t think I would ever get enough of the three words that never seemed to stop flowing from his lips, sounding like honey.


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