I woke slowly and stood from the bed and walked across the hallway to see Alex sitting up in his crib. I walked to him, holding back the tears that threatened to spill over. He stood holding onto the rails and I picked him up holding him closely. I knew today would be another horrible day. Aj was coming. This time, unfortunately, I knew to expect him. I just hoped that Alex wouldn�t become so upset by the whole situation as he had yesterday.
�What does Mama�s big boy want to eat this morning?� I asked him as I sat him down on his feet once we were at the bottom of the stairs. After breakfast Alex and I made our way outside into the warm sun. He decided today that he wanted to see how high he could bounce the ball. Although to me, the ball bounce wasn�t that high to Alex it was 10 feet high. Each time it bounced he would squeal and clap his hands looking at me for encouragement.
A few hours later as Alex was once again on the tractor making �vroom vroom� noises. A movement caught my attention and I looked at the French doors to see Nick propped against the door jam. Once I had seen him, he headed over to me sitting down beside me on the grass.
�Hi.� He said simply.
�Hi.� I replied smiling.
�How are you doing?� He asked quietly as he looked at me.
�I�ve been better.� I replied not turning to him.
�I�m sorry.�
�How was work?� I asked just imagining how bad it must have been.
�Not too bad,� Nick thought back to the meeting the guys had been forced to attend. Aj, thankfully, wasn�t present, but in turn that made Nick nervous.
�Have I ever told you that you are a horrible liar?�
Nick laughed and nodded. �Yeah, you have.�
�So how bad was it?�
�It wasn�t good. Lots of yelling, lots of cussing.� Nick said breaking off a blade of grass.
�I�m so sorry Nick, for putting you through this.�
�Hey you didn�t make me come and see you. You didn�t even make me have sex with you.�
�I know, but I could have kept you out of this.�
�No, you didn�t do anything. I chose to be here. That�s why I�m here now. I made a decision and I�m sticking with it.� Nick said leaning back on his elbows looking at Alex.
�Well thank you. I have a feeling I�m going to need all the moral support I can get.�
�You�re welcome, but you owe me no thanks. I�m doing this for you and Alex.� Nick sat up straight as the doorbell rang. My heart raced as I looked at him. I could feel the dread settle in my chest.
�I�ll get it.� He stood and walked toward the house. I couldn�t watch as he entered the house. I knew who it would be and I wanted as much pleasant time as I could get before he ruined my day.
Nick entered the house as the door bell rang again. He knew Aj was never a patient man, but he rolled his eyes as the door bell rang for the third time. �Dammit I�m coming already.� Nick said as he pulled open the door. Aj wasn�t expecting Nick to be there and he stared at him for a brief second.
�Where is he?� He asked as he entered the house.
�Hello to you too, asshole. He�s in the backyard.� Nick said walking away from Aj. Nick sat down beside me and watched as Aj walked over to Alex. I couldn�t hear what he was saying to Alex but Alex was smiling.
Some time later, around Alex�s nap time, I stood and walked toward Aj. �I�m sorry, but its time for Alex�s nap.� I felt like a fool telling the father of my child that it was his nap time like I was a stranger. Aj nodded and kissed Alex on the head.
�I�ll see you later, little man.� I bent down and picked up Alex taking him into the house. By the time I entered his bedroom, Alex was all ready half asleep. He had always been such a wonderful child. I laid him down in his crib and tucked the blanket around him making sure �mister lumpy� was near him. Mister Lumpy was a large yellow teddy bear that Nick had bought him. When I descended the stairs, Nick was sitting on the couch staring out the window.
�Where is Aj?�
�He left.� I nodded and sighed. I had never planned on keeping Aj from seeing his son when he found out but it was so stressful when Aj showed up. We sat in a peaceful silence for a while until the doorbell rang again.
�I�ll get it.� I said as I stood from the couch. I opened the door to a man wearing a brown UPS uniform.
�Ms. Johnson?� He asked.
�Yes?�
�I have a certified letter for you. I need you to sign here.� He said holding out a clip board. I signed my name and handed the clip board back to him. He in turn handed me a brown manilla envelope. I nodded and closed the door walking back to the living room. I opened the envelope and pulled out the papers that were stapled together. I read the heading out loud.
�Petition for DNA paternity test.� My heart dropped as I looked further down the page. �Alexander James McLean versus Elizabeth Alana Johnson. Nick! He�s filing to get legal custody!� In one second my world shattered around my feet. The thought had never crossed my mind that he would take Alex from me. I couldn�t breathe. My world slowly began to turn black before me. Nick caught me before I hit the floor.
For just an instant after I woke, my world was right. Alex was safe, I was happy. But almost as fast it had come, it went and I remembered Aj�s visit to the house. I sat straight up from the couch with every intention of checking on Alex. But as I did my world swam around me again, my stomach lurching.
�Whoa, lay down. You can�t just jump up like that.� Nick said as he pushed me back down on the couch.
�Where is Alex?� I asked, my voice weak.
�He�s outside with Becca.�
�Is he okay?�
�Yes he�s fine,� I nodded and closed my eyes.
�Nick, what if he takes him away from me?� I asked my voice cracking with restrained tears.
�Don�t worry. He won�t. Aj does a lot of things he doesn�t mean when he�s angry. Everything will be fine. He will work it out with you. I promise.� Nick replied running his hand over my head.
�I won�t survive Nick. I have to have him. I can�t...� I paused, taking a deep breath, �I can�t live without him.� I lost the battle with my tears as they flowed from my eyes.
�I know. I promise you will be fine. Alex will be fine. Shhh, it�s okay.� He said as he pulled me to him hugging me while I cried.