Behind the Scenes of �My Mother�
By Liesel Booker, aka EsmeAmelia, aka Liesel Solo
Okay, I don�t usually write things as egotistical as this, but seeing as how �My Mother� is not only the most popular thing I�ve ever written, but it�s also the first epic fanfiction I actually FINISHED, I thought it deserved something special. So here it is, a little behind-the-scenes tour of my �hit� Star Wars fanfic, �My Mother.�
And oh yeah, I�m going to assume you�ve already read the story before reading this, so absolutely EVERYTHING will be spoiled here. If you haven�t read �My Mother,� then read no further until after you�ve read it.
How It All Began.
They say that inspiration can come from the weirdest places, and in the case of �My Mother,� I found that to be true. In fact, the entire epic fanfic that took almost two years to write got its initial inspiration from...a joke. Yes, you read that right. It was a couple of weeks before Revenge of the Sith was released, and my brother and I were joking about Star Wars. My brother�s hilarious - he�s probably destined to be a comedian. Anyway, we were joking about how SW characters who die in the movies could be brought back to life (such as Jabba could have broken Leia�s chain). I don�t remember which one of us brought her up, but eventually we got to Padme (even thought ROTS hadn�t come out yet, we knew she would HAVE to die in that). Again, I don�t remember who, but one of us said she could be frozen in carbonite and then Natalie Portman could still play her when her grown-up children found her (we actually joked that Jabba could find her, but that�s another story...).
We had a good laugh, but then a little while later, an image came into my head. Not a farcical image, but a beautiful one. An image of Leia discovering her frozen mother, trapped in a carbonite coffin. In my mind I saw Leia freeing Padme and nursing her back to health without knowing who she was.
I had no idea if that would even fit in with how Padme was going to die in ROTS, but the image didn�t want to leave me alone.
A few weeks later, Revenge of the Sith stormed into theaters. I saw it opening day in a packed screening and, of course, loved it. But after the movie, that image came to me again, with greater detail. The hospital scene from the movie played over and over again - with alterations. A somewhat plausible explanation on why Padme would be carbon frozen formed, though I wasn�t sure how many people would buy it (I�m still surprised that no one got onto me asking why the heck the hospital would even have a carbon freezing chamber). Words came - words that could open a story...a story that now I knew I was going to write.
What I didn�t expect was to actually finish it.
A week later was my 21st birthday, when my mom gave me a present that was a godsend - my very own laptop computer. Before that, my two brothers and I all shared a desktop computer, which meant that I had to steal time to write fanfic. Mom bought me my own comp with the intention that it would help me with college, which it did, but it also helped me with something else. For the first time, I could write my fanfic whenever I wanted, without having to ask permission from my mom or wrestle one of my brothers off the comp.
So I soon started work on that crazy Star Wars idea, simply because I could. I finished the first chapter in a few days, and then I thought I might post it at Fanfiction.net, simply because I could.
And the seeds for �My Mother� were sown.
The Cast.
Okay, it�s a behind-the-scenes thing - why not a cast list?
PADME NABERRIE AMIDALA
The lead character, and the reason why the story exists. Of course, by now there are hundreds of �Padme didn�t die� fics out there, so my idea wasn�t really that original, but I never thought of this story as �fixing� the canon, instead I thought of it as asking a �what if� question. When writing this story, I wanted to stay true to Padme�s strong and dignified side without ignoring her emotional side or her playful side. I also wanted to show her dedication to her home planet (which actually became a large part of the story in later chapters).
Another aspect of Padme with which I couldn�t turn to the movies for help but had to be a major part of the story was her relationship with her children, who have grown up without her. That aspect proved itself fascinating to write about, probably one of the things that most excited me with this story. I�m a supporter of her having an �invisible relationship� with her children in their later lives (Leia remembers her face, Luke subconsciously remembers her claim that there is good in his father), so my job here was to extend it to a visible one. Although Padme never gets her chance to do any mothering in the movies, her personality fits the role of a mother so well, so it wasn�t that difficult.
Padme goes through a lot of emotional difficulties in this story, but she carries through it and maintains her strength. I don�t know why, but I get drawn to writing about difficult emotions. I wanted to give a realistic portrayal of what someone would feel experiencing what she does. Although she doesn�t die in this version of the saga, she still misses out on seeing her children grow up and learns of her husband�s death. Maybe I decided to do it this way because even though it was a �Padme lived� story, I still wanted a remnant of her tragic side retained.
LEIA ORGANA SOLO
I suppose I could call her the �trigger� of the story, since she�s the one who discovers Padme and rescues her from the carbonite. The tiny memories she carries of her mother singled her out as the obvious one to find her, and it made for some rich emotional moments. With the exception of the opening chapter, a good portion of the first section of the story is centered around Leia�s thoughts and experiences, gradually transitioning into making the story about Padme.
Leia�s character also goes on a journey of growth as she comes to terms with an issue that is only touched on in the movies - she gradually learns to accept who her father is. Perhaps this is one of the things that drew me to the story in the first place. We see almost nothing of Leia dealing with her parentage in the movies, which left me with a large, rich issue to write about. Padme trying to help Leia to see who her father once was made for some wonderfully emotional scenes.
In addition, Leia is also pregnant for most of the story - with twins, which is virtually the only element from the Expanded Universe that I include in this fic. This caused some confusion from a few of the reviewers about the story�s time period (if I had a dollar for every time a reviewer asked me if Mara Jade would be showing up...), but more importantly, it sets the story up for Leia�s final step towards acceptance. I had the very end of the story all planned ages before I figured out a lot of the middle - I always knew that Anakin had to save his daughter�s children.
LUKE SKYWALKER
Luke starts out playing a smaller role in the story than Leia and Han do, since the latter two are actually living with Padme while Luke is just a visitor. However, as the story expands, so too does Luke�s role. In fact, in the later chapters, I ended up using Luke a good deal more than I originally intended, and once he started teaching Queen Rianna about the Force, I found that I almost had to remind myself that this was Padme�s story (I honestly did NOT initially intend for them to hook up romantically...that sort of happened, more on that later).
Since Luke has already come to terms with his father, he was the logical choice to be Padme�s �guide� into the galaxy of twenty-three years later. He was also able to comfort Padme�s grief over her husband quite well.
Course, Luke�s �spotlight� moments come later, when he develops a relationship with Queen Rianna. The dynamic between them became more interesting than I thought it would be. I think Rianna subconsciously starts to become attracted to him almost from the beginning, but her anger and her scars won�t let her become aware of it.
HAN SOLO
Ah, where would we be without our favorite scoundrel? The role Han plays in this story is actually similar to the role he plays in the movies - the skeptic, the outside voice, the regular guy who gets warped into the adventure and grows from the experience. I have a lot of fun writing about Han (Han rocks Han rocks Han rocks HAN ROCKS!!!!) - his scenes kept threatening to steal the show (well, maybe they did).
Actually, if I had gone along with an early idea I had for this story, Han would have played a much bigger role. When I thought about what the actual plot of the story would be, I (being the insane Han fan that I am) had an idea that maybe back in her days in the Republic, Padme might have known Han�s mother, and perhaps she could still be alive and Padme could help Han to finally meet his mother. Although this might have been interesting if I had developed it, I abandoned the notion on account that Han would have taken over the story then. Not that I don�t absolutely, completely love Han, but in that case, my love for him would have made him steal the spotlight from Padme, who was the real center of the story (gah, I�m sounding like a film director). Not too much later, I had the idea for the Naboo storyline, which worked much better for a Padme story.
Oh well, Han still gets a good part. Much like Leia, he too has to overcome his hatred of Vader. Since he has experienced carbon freezing too, he and Padme were able to bond in an interesting way. I think he helped her get through her shock more than he would think himself able to. In addition, his �audience voice� role often helped me with difficult scenes. With his skepticism and brashness, he says what the audience might be thinking, which can in turn help the audience with their doubts.
CHEWBACCA
Chewie doesn�t play as major a role in this story as I would like. When he doesn�t speak English (well, Basic), it�s way too easy to just forget he�s there when you�re writing a group scene. Especially since Han and Padme are the only ones who understand him, so when one of them wasn�t the POV character I had to make due with only growls. Still, there are some moments when he gets his centerstage bits, such as the holochess game with Padme.
C-3PO
The blabbermouth protocol droid plays mainly the comic relief role in this story (and he was a lot of fun to write), but there are a couple of moments where he actually contributes to the emotion. The first would be when he meets up with Padme for the first time since her unfreezing and she learns of his memory-wipe, and the second would be when he translates the story of her life for the Ewoks.
R2-D2
The little astro droid plays a similar role as he does in the movies - smart-alecking with 3PO, assisting when he can, and projecting holograms. R2's skills at storing messages actually turned out to be a way Padme could connect with the past - he stores clips of her wedding and her family (although I have my reviewer Akidura to thank for that idea).
JAR JAR BINKS
I received a LOT of reviews begging me not to include him in the story, and I thought about listening to them, but then I realized that he needed a role. Like it or not, he was Padme�s friend, and it just wouldn�t be true to Padme�s character to not care about what happened to him. In the time that�s passed since the formation of the Empire, Boss Nass has died, appointing Jar Jar to be his successor (hey, he magically became a general and a senator, so why not?). Since he�s an older Gungan now, he�s a bit wiser than he was when we last saw him - he even gives Leia insight about Anakin�s transformation.
SOLA NABERRIE
Padme�s older sister isn�t a major character, but though her scenes are few, her contribution is important. She provides Padme and her family with not only a place to stay while they�re on Naboo, but with links to their history. The scene were Sola is reunited with her younger sister is one of my personal favorites.
POOJA NABERRIE
Padme�s younger niece ended up playing a much larger part in the story than I intended. She was initially just the queen�s advisor who happened to be related to Padme, but then I started thinking of the implications of that. There were times when I considered having Pooja betray her family by siding with Rianna, but then as Rianna became a more sympathetic character, I had a different idea. It turned out that Pooja and Rianna were connected in ways that went beyond their professional relationship - they became almost like sisters. I discovered that Pooja was loyal to her queen not because she had to be but because she wanted to be.
RYOO NABERRIE
I regret not being able to give Padme�s older niece a bigger role. Interesting - as her sister�s role got expanded, hers got reduced, talk about sibling rivalry. But as Pooja was the one living with the queen, I guess it was also logical. Originally, I thought of Ryoo helping Padme and Leia by being one of their representatives who talked to the queen, but that scene was never written because I realized that too many onscreen meetings would get too repetitive. Oh well, Ryoo gets her own brand of significance with her baby girl, whom she named Padme, after her presumed-dead aunt.
MON MOTHMA
The chancellor of the New Republic Senate is a minor character (although she has a bigger part here than she has in the movies...), but she�s also significant. She�s another connection Padme has to the past, since they knew each other during Padme�s days as a senator, and she helps Padme to get her proposal accepted by the senate.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Lando only appears in one scene, but I enjoyed writing him. He added a good dosing of humor when he made a rather extreme error in his judgement about who Padme was (giggles). Originally he wasn�t going to come into the story at all, but then I thought I should give him at least a bit part.
OBI-WAN KENOBI
Obi-Wan appears alive in the opening, dead in Chapter 18, and is heard as a voice in Chapter 48. It seems like he doesn�t get to do much, but he actually sets the whole story in motion - he saves Padme�s life by allowing her to be carbon frozen.
BAIL ORGANA
An extremely minor character, but nevertheless he has a part to play. He only has a couple of lines in the opening, but we see him beginning to bond with baby Leia. He also plays a significant �offstage� role, being the first non-Force-sensitive spirit that Anakin and the other Jedi ghosts rescue from the Force netherworld. At the very end, his spirit is granted the ability to talk to Leia, helping her to forgive her real father.
ANAKIN SKYWALKER
Dead for the entire story, but one of the audience�s favorite characters. I don�t know how many times the reviewers cheered when Anakin came in - and begged for him when he didn�t. Although he does show up as a ghost a few times, he is mainly an �unseen� character, one who helps drive the story without having to be present.
QUEEN RIANNA TRENN
Man, talk about a character evolution. I was hesitant to make an original character who doesn�t show up until Chapter 28 such a major part of the story, since the entire first half only has canon characters and at the beginning I only had the vaguest of ideas for her. But I don�t know what happened...she just kept growing and growing until I realized that she was fascinating.
Rianna is a complex character - an antagonist but not a villain. Force-sensitive, powerful, stubborn, vengeful, but also hesitant, confused, anxious, afraid. It�s hard to explain, but the more I wrote about her, the more I (and probably the readers, judging by the reaction to her suicide attempt) felt for her.
At first I was undecided about what to do with her. At various times, I considered killing her or making her a Sith and then killing her. For a little while I went with an idea that she would resign from her position, join the New Republic because she felt forced into it, and then disappear, leaving behind a message that she would get her revenge another day (which would of course set up a sequel). But then I got to know her more and realized none of those endings would cut it. I came to discover that she was basically a good person who was haunted by the past. Then I got an idea that had never crossed my mind before, but it made everything click. She and Luke would end up as a couple. It was a risky move, considering that in the EU Luke ends up with a certain other Force-sensitive turned away from the dark side (not to mention all the Mara fans who kept nagging me to put her in the story...), but for this story, it was the logical move - and it surprisingly received a lot of positive feedback.
And no, she was NOT named after Rihanna the singer, in case you were wondering. Nor was she named after the protagonist in that SW video game about stealing the Death Star plans (I pretty much had a double heart attack when I found out about that game...).
NIA HERRE
Nia is a minor character without many scenes, but her role is important. She�s another example of character evolution, since she started out as only a nameless extra who begs Padme for money. Then when the time came for Padme to find representatives, I had the idea to bring back the beggar and tell her story. It turned out that she actually hasn�t always been a beggar - in fact, she used to be a doctor before the hospital where she worked closed down. The scene where she tells of her past added a touch of realism to Naboo�s situation - letting us see it instead of just hearing it from secondhand sources.
SENON HERRE
Nia�s little sister plays an even more minor role. We learn that she was an electronics student when her sister lost her job, and since she could no longer pay her tuition she was kicked out of school. She has a talent for hot-wiring electronics as well.
HELLA AND CRE
I had fun with these two street-smart lasses who befriend Nia and Senon and teach them the ways of the world. Although they don�t get a lot of scenes, their presence is memorable. We see hints that they have been on the streets for nearly their entire lives and they might have even prostituted themselves in the past, but they don�t like it and they want to live a regular life. I enjoyed their dialect, their attitude, and their good hearts in spite of it all.
The Story
CHAPTER 1
�My Mother� opens at the end of Revenge of the Sith, when Padme is giving birth to Luke and Leia. At the time when I wrote it, I had only seen ROTS twice (once on opening day, once on my birthday), so the dialogue and actions are slightly different from in the movie. However, after I got the ROTS DVD, I opted not to edit the opening scene - I decided that it helps to set the audience up for the fact that it is an alternate-universe fic.
Once I sat down to type, this chapter kind of flowed from my fingers, writing itself. For the most part, this was a good thing, but there are a few moments where I think the wording got a little long-winded. I don�t think I had figured out the writing style of the story yet, not to mention that the wording got needlessly repetitive. For example, �Her thoughts slipped again, slipped to her husband, her husband who was now evil.� I was going for something poetic there, but now I think the repeating words were unnecessary.
Nevertheless, I for the most part like this opening. It echos the enthusiasm I felt to get the words out of my head and preserved on my computer. Plus, it�s the only time I got to work with poor Obi-Wan�s thoughts and feelings (since he�s well, DEAD for the rest of the story).
CHAPTER 2
Jump ahead twenty-three years. The Rebels have won the war, the New Republic is set up, Han and Leia are married, and they have just found out that Leia is pregnant with twins. I had fun with this scene, getting to write some of the back-and-forth dialogue that is characteristic of my favorite movie couple.
I debated with myself about whether or not to type Han�s accent into his dialogue. There are some authors who seem to use apostrophes to replace half the letters in his words, and there are others who make Han talk without even using contractions. In the end, the accent won - it let me hear Han�s voice in my head more clearly, even if I was at risk of turning some readers off (one reviewer kept telling me it made Han sound stupid, but others loved it). It felt good to use some good old-fashioned �ain�ts� in his dialogue too.
Some of Han and Leia�s dialogue (such as their conversation about how Han doesn�t know who his parents are) references my original idea that this story would involve Han searching for his own mother, but it still works with what I ended up with, especially since Padme eventually takes it on herself to be Han�s foster-mother.
CHAPTER 3
The shortest chapter in the whole story, but it serves a very important purpose and includes possibly the most important scene - when Leia frees Padme from the carbonite. Neither one knows who the other is yet, but each can instantly feel the bond between them. I sort of already had this scene written in my head even before I had decided that I was going to expand it into a story.
CHAPTER 4
Basically a transitional chapter that serves the purpose of bringing Padme to the Solos� apartment. Still, I had fun with it, since I got to write Han�s rather unfavorable reaction to Leia bringing home a strange woman (giggles). It also introduced what turned out to be a running gag - Han�s disdain for sleeping on the sofa. This was a favorite story element with readers. I sort of threw it in at first - after all, where else is Han going to sleep with Padme in their bed? However, the humor potential this had surprised me, so I ended up using it quite a bit.
CHAPTER 5
The �Big Reveal� chapter, when Leia finds out that the woman she found is her mother. This was pretty tough to write - a lot of emotions to deal with. I wanted Leia�s shock to be realistic, which meant that she might not fly into Padme�s arms at first.
The dream scene at the beginning of the chapter was hell to write, and I still don�t think I executed it right. The scene was important because it establishes just how Leia remembers her mother, but I think the wording was a bit off. I don�t know how to place it either....maybe I just used the word �darkness� too much or something. Or maybe it�s just a tad too long.
Well, the rest of the chapter after Leia wakes up is better. She discovers something wonderful - but all she can feel is shock. I wanted to explore what shock can do to the human mind with something like this. The chapter ends with one of my favorite moments: when Leia stands a distance away from her sleeping mother, whispering her name. That moment sort of defines the story.
CHAPTER 6
It starts serious like the previous chapter, but Han can once again bring in some much-needed humor. God, I love writing Han. Even a cliche joke like the classic �And that is FINAL� gag works so well with him. Anyway, this chapter�s main purpose is to get Padme acquainted with Han. It�s a fun little twist that she gets to know her son-in-law before getting to know her children. The conversation with Han lets her relax for the first time since her unfreezing. I was amazed by how well Padme and Han could get along - there was even room for some innocent almost-flirting (that I hopefully kept in good taste).
CHAPTER 7
Another transitional chapter that finally gets Luke (not to mention the droids) into the story. Almost immediately after I started writing it, I ran into a problem. How do I introduce Padme to her second child without it being a repeat of Leia�s introduction? Luke using the Force to get his first glimpse of Padme helped some, as well as the revelation that he actually does carry some subconscious memory of his mother.
CHAPTER 8
BAM, we�re in Padme�s POV for the first time since the beginning. And man, there�s a lot going through her head. I wanted to push this scene as much as I could, making her shock and devastation as vivid as possible, which made for a lot of time spent in front of the computer typing nothing. I was walking the fine line between heartbreaking and melodramatic, trying hard not to slip. It�s the sort of scene many authors would skim over or ignore completely because the emotion is so darn hard - but that�s precisely what was attractive about it to me. If I were to skim through this, I might as well not be telling the story.
CHAPTER 9
There was a lot of information to convey in this chapter. Padme knows the truth...so now what? She practically spaces out, unwilling to even leave the bedroom for the entire day, while her children seem to space out with her, and meanwhile Han is at his wit�s end since no one will tell him what�s going on. Ah, glorious angst.
The scene with Padme and 3PO sort of came out of nowhere the instant I sent 3PO to serve her dinner. To think, 3PO in a dramatic moment, 3PO breaking Padme�s heart - it�s so crazy that it works. He�s a piece of her old life, and yet he remembers nothing of it. Probably some people would want 3PO to somehow get his memory back, but I�m not that kind of writer.
And how should Han find out about who Padme is? Well, it�s pretty obvious that he�s not going to believe it at first. When I go inside his head, the writing style changes slightly, becoming more casual, more like Han�s personality. I can�t help it - he�s my special character, I never want to forget his traits when writing about him.
CHAPTER 10
Finally, I got to get Padme and Leia truly acquainted in one of my favorite chapters. The question with this chapter was exactly how much information to reveal at this point. How much would Padme want to know right away? I let Padme speak to me here, giving me her answer as I wrote. I liked the mixture of tension and comfort that came out of this scene.
CHAPTER 11
This chapter, where Padme and Luke interact for the first time, was surprisingly difficult to write, since I didn�t want it to be a carbon copy of Padme�s interactions with Leia. At first my mind drew a complete blank, but then I got the idea that she would find Luke asleep and in the hunger for touching him, she would discover his artificial hand. The hand kind of drove the scene then, making for a meeting that was completely different from the previous chapter. Also, there�s a bit of foreshadowing of Luke eventually finding love (although I wasn�t aware of that at the time...) when Padme thinks about how she might still be able to see Luke�s wedding. Freaky how things work out sometimes, isn�t it?
There�s also what I later discovered to be a glaring error in this chapter - the reference to Padme having never touched her son. When I got the ROTS DVD a long while after writing this scene, I was practically slapping myself on the forehead when I saw that Padme does indeed touch Luke in the movie. It�s times like this when the AU excuse comes in really handy...
CHAPTER 12
More fun with transitions - and with the classic Han and 3PO interaction. Poor Han, after spending another night on the sofa, then he gets woken up by his least-favorite droid. Tee-hee, I�ve always wanted to see how 3PO would react to who his creator was. It felt good to have some humor before writing what I knew would have to be an extremely angsty scene.
CHAPTER 13
This chapter, the longest in the story, was a HUGE difficulty to write. I wanted Padme to learn about what had happened since her freezing without it becoming a bore for the audience. I have little patience for fics that simply explain to the audience what they already know, but in this case I had to do just that. This was hugely risking the fic becoming boring. To conquer this, I decided to strongly focus on Padme�s feelings during the storytelling, dramatizing how she was experiencing the discovery, hopefully helping the reader to experience it with her even though they already knew everything that was being told.
CHAPTER 14
Okay, now that Padme knows everything, what to do next? Well, now there�s the aftermath, the adjustment to reality, the slow process through grief. And with that, there�s Leia�s difficulty in witnessing her mother grieving her hated enemy. Course, I guess the �highlight� of this chapter is when Han reaches the end of his rope after falling off the sofa during the night, storms to the bedroom in a fit of rage, and accidentally overhears Padme�s grieving. I knew Padme would have to cry over Anakin�s death eventually, but how to execute that without getting repetitive? The answer was to bring in an outside perspective - specifically an eavesdropping one.
And how did I come up with comparing Anakin to Han? Isn�t it obvious? They�re both adventurous, reckless pilots who tend to act before they think (Anakin even quotes Han�s �This is where the fun begins� in ROTS).
CHAPTER 15
Finally we get to actually move forward a bit. Hey, angst is great, but there�s also a story to tell. The chapter opens five days after the end of the previous chapter, with Padme inching through her grief, but she�s just found out that she�ll get to travel off-planet again when Han and Leia invited her to join them on their trip to Kashyyyk to pick up Chewie. The swimming scene at the beginning helped to get a little motion (and lightness) into what was in danger of becoming a yet-another-awkward-discussion scene. At the time I wrote this, I was taking a PE class in college with a focus on swimming. Much like Padme, I love the water, and with me going swimming regularly, I got the urge to write about it, and since Padme talks about swimming in AOTC, I had the idea of doing a swim scene.
I love the bedroom scene where Han finally gets his side of the bed back. It�s a bit of a �story pause,� but after I had been torturing Han so much by making him sleep on the sofa for so long, I thought he deserved this scene. Han sleeping with his head on Leia�s chest - it�s just so cute Besides, even though I�m primarily an angst writer, I enjoy a good fluff scene every so often.
CHAPTER 16
I don�t usually turn to reviewers for inspiration, but in the case of this chapter, a reviewer made it click. Akidura, one of the people who had been reviewing the story, suggested that perhaps Padme could show her children a recording of Anakin, like perhaps R2 might have recorded their wedding. I hadn�t thought of doing that, but I really liked the idea, so I used it in the story (and gave credit, of course).
I�m not too proud of the arrival on Kashyyyk scene. It was my first time attempting Wookiee dialogue (which is surprisingly hard), and some of the lines got pretty cheesy. But then who am I to talk? One reviewer�s favorite line was �I�m so happy my friends have a mother!� and that line made me cringe after writing it. Guess you never know.
CHAPTER 17
For this chapter, I found inspiration from something very unusual (at least for me) - my own life. I was struggling to write the scene where Padme and Luke visit the pyre where Anakin was cremated, but then I thought about after my father died, when my mother, my cousin, and I went to see his body at the funeral home. I remembered how I thought I had prepared myself for it only to discover that preparing myself was impossible. But what really stuck in my mind was how my mother broke down crying and my cousin wrapped her in her arms, murmuring, �It was his shell...only his shell.� Then I started thinking that maybe I could use that line in the story, referring not only to Anakin�s body, but his suit as well. I tried putting it in the scene - and amazingly, it worked.
This chapter also features yet another storytelling scene. Padme telling her story to the Ewoks was easier to write than Luke telling his story to Padme, since this time the POV character is the storyteller, which gave me license to skim the story. I couldn�t do that in Chapter 13 because that would undermine the emotion, but here Padme isn�t discovering anything - she�s only retelling.
CHAPTER 18
This chapter probably ended up being the most popular in the story. A whole lot of people wanted me to include an Anakin ghost scene, but it was something I was planning anyway. The problem was how to execute it. I knew Padme had to be alone when she encountered her husband, so him appearing when she and Luke were at the pyre wouldn�t work. The presence of another person (particularly someone who�s seen ghosts before) would lower the emotional impact of the encounter. So then, how to get Padme back to the pyre?
The answer was a nightmare, fueled from memories of dark side Anakin and the visit to his grave. Much to my surprise, a whole lot of reviewers gave strong compliments about the way I wrote the nightmare scene. Guess there really are times when the muse visits you.
The idea that a ghost touching you would feel like warm air is a very old one. Back when I was around thirteen, I had an idea for a non-Star Wars ghost story that I never actually wrote. In that story, a band of ghosts temporarily removed a character�s soul from his body in order to protect him from a dark ghost that was coming (gah, I cringe just typing this...). The character was able to visit his living friends as a ghost, and when he touched them, the friends would feel concentrated warm air. Now the �concentrated warm air� idea is the only thing I still like about that dead (eh, no pun intended) story. So when the time came for me to write the Anakin ghost scene in this story, I finally got the opportunity to use that idea.
CHAPTER 19
More Padme/Leia discussion. It passed through my mind to end the Endor sequence immediately after Padme�s encounter, but I figured that Padme wouldn�t want to keep it a secret. This chapter let Leia�s shell crack open just a little, perhaps considering the possibility that her father wasn�t always an evil monster. It�s a small scene, but it packs a strong emotional punch for her.
CHAPTER 20
I thought I was ready to leave Endor after Padme and Leia�s talk, so I began writing Chapter 20 with Leia�s family watching her practice lightsaber moves five months later, but then I ran into story blocks. Somehow it didn�t feel right to make the jump yet. I started asking, �Well, what about Luke and Han? Did Padme ever tell them that she saw Anakin?� After writing a good deal into what became Chapter 21, I finally decided that no, Endor wasn�t over yet. We needed one final scene there before we moved on. But what sort of scene?
Well, I put Padme and Han on the Ewok bridge, not really sure what they were going to do, but it turned into a wonderful, heartfelt conversation. The two personalities went back and forth, each pushing the other�s boundaries. It was another scene that wrote itself, where the characters seemed to be speaking to me, telling me what they would do in this situation. I�m not really sure how I came up with the dark side/black hole metaphor - it sprung into my mind when I was babysitting, after the child was asleep. Yet it seemed like a perfect way for Han to begin understanding what the dark side was all about. Wish I had more lightbulb moments like that.
CHAPTER 21
Thanks to my little story bump, a good portion of this chapter was already written when I posted Chapter 20. Now that we�ve finally made it through the major points of shock and grief, we can move on to an actual plot. This chapter is mainly a transitional family scene that shows how Padme and her children have settled into a rhythm during the months we�ve been gone. Well, until the cliffhanger.
And why is Leia�s lightsaber orange? No special reason - I was just sick of blue and green ones. Hey, it�s something different.
CHAPTER 22
Now Padme finally gets her chance to take action. The destiny Obi-Wan�s ghost hinted at is beginning to unfold. This was difficult to execute because - let�s face it - Padme has a really crazy idea here. The trick was to make it seem like a logical idea to her, even though she�s aware that it is indeed crazy. Once again, Han�s skepticism came in handy to make things more believable (and Padme�s forceful determination didn�t hurt either).
And we return to Han and Leia�s bedroom for some good anxiety and a touch of fluff. I love these little tense moments with touches of humor - maybe there are too many of them in my stories, but I felt like I needed to show some of Leia�s doubts. I also felt like I needed to include Han�s feelings about Leia giving away their wedding holo somewhere.
CHAPTER 23
Quite a few reviewers wanted me to put Mon Mothma in this story, so here�s her chance to get a part. The political dialect wasn�t too difficult, actually - the real hard part of this story was how to let Mon know about Padme�s survival. I considered showing Mon�s initial reaction when Leia tells her about it, but I discovered that it was getting a bit redundant. There were a LOT of scenes where someone reacted to Padme by then, and since I knew I would be bringing Padme�s family members into later chapters, there would have to be more later. So I decided that it wasn�t as important to show Mon�s initial reaction as it was to show Padme�s thoughts and feelings about going public with her survival. It worked smoother that way.
CHAPTER 24
Probably everyone knew what the meeting�s outcome would be, so the trick was to create suspense anyway. I concentrated on Padme�s nervousness in this scene, hoping to give it an on-edge feeling. I like writing about tension, so I had fun with this scene. The political dialect, which I thought would be murder to write, actually wasn�t very hard, and not only because I�d had practice with the previous chapter, either. I�ve served as president of the student government at college, so I have some experience with the formal meeting atmosphere.
CHAPTER 25
I always knew I wanted some sort of celebration after Padme�s proposal was accepted. For around ten minutes I considered getting everyone except the pregnant Leia insanely drunk and poor Leia having to drive home three passed out bodies, but I wisely decided against this. (The strangest things enter your head when you�re walking home from school at night...) There was also the problem of exactly what purpose a party scene would serve, especially since most of the readers were probably expecting to go straight to Naboo. Finally I got the idea that Padme could tell Luke about Naboo at the party. Then there came the idea that I could bring in Lando for a tiny appearance and use a news bulletin to inform him about Padme. Between the mother and son�s talk about Naboo and the hilarious Lando scene, the celebration earned a purpose (and yes, Padme�s line about how Naboo is the bright center of the universe is meant to echo Luke�s line in ANH).
I also needed a way to prepare the gang for possibly meeting Padme�s family. Since many reviewers wanted another R2 recording, that seemed like the perfect way to introduce Luke, Leia, and Han to their extended family.
CHAPTER 26
As mentioned before, this is one of my favorite chapters. I enjoyed developing a minor character like Sola a bit further. To prepare for writing this chapter, I watched the deleted Attack of the Clones scenes with Padme�s family several times, noting details about the family and the house, such as the many holos on the walls of Padme�s bedroom. There was a ton of information to convey in this chapter, and I wasn�t sure if I could do that right, but once it was finished I loved how it turned out. I enjoyed Padme getting to have peace of mind for once, even though her mission was still ahead of her.
CHAPTER 27
We get to have a little �family bonding� time before getting to the hard politics. Padme teaching Luke to swim somewhat echos the scene of Padme swimming with Leia earlier. I got some inspiration for that scene when I took the little girl I babysit swimming and I had to hold her up in the pool. I started thinking about how her life was in my hands - if I let go of her she would drown. That mixture of exhilaration and nervousness I felt made it into the story - it seemed like the way Padme would feel too.
CHAPTER 28
Ah, finally the antagonist gets into the story. When we first meet Queen Rianna, she freakishly resembles Padme back in her days as queen, only with a colder demeanor. Her ferocious attacks on Leia and Padme�s words probably stimulated antipathy from the readers, but this was what I wanted. When I was writing this, I hadn�t gotten all the kinks of Rianna�s personality figured out yet, but I knew that I wanted her to be a complex character with issues. I actually had her issues figured out, but I didn�t yet know how to execute them. The best way to get to know a character you create is simply to write about her and let her speak to you.
Pooja was fun to introduce. Unfortunately, most of the story didn�t allow me to show her playful side as much as I wanted to, which makes this intro more important.
CHAPTER 29
Now we meet adult Ryoo and her daughter, little Padme - another �breather� from the tension of the plot (at least until the chapter�s end). For some reason I love writing about babies and small children (weird for someone who�s usually an angst writer, huh?), probably because of all the babysitting I do, so I have a special fondness for this chapter.
The scene where Ryoo gives Padme the jappor snippet was actually originally going to appear in Chapter 26, with Sola giving it instead of Ryoo. However, that chapter had so much information to convey already - had I included the jappor snippet there it probably would have gotten lost in the rest of the emotion. By saving it for this scene, I was able to let it have its own emotional pull. Besides, it gave Ryoo something important to do, since she ended up being a very minor character.
And yes, I HAD to include the trademark SW line �I have a bad feeling about this� somewhere.
CHAPTER 30
This chapter was extremely hard to write. How to reveal Rianna�s backstory without making the reader groan at it? The original-character-with-secret-past formula has been done a lot in fanfiction - how to do it here without looking like it�s following that cliche? Well...I�m not sure, really. I guess the solution here was not to worry much about that and simply focus on telling Rianna�s story.
I wanted Rianna to tell her story in a forceful way, but still generate sympathy from Luke (and possibly the readers). She gives parallels between the Imperials and the Rebels, telling about her father�s fate with a mixture of anger and sadness. I�m not fond of the EU�s version of Han�s backstory where he�s in the Imperial Navy (to me Han doesn�t seem like the military type), but it helped make Rianna�s points a bit stronger, so I ended up using it here.
CHAPTER 31
This chapter features the first scene that doesn�t include any of the characters from the movies (well, technically Pooja makes a cameo at Padme�s funeral, but that doesn�t really count). I was wary about the conversation between Pooja and Rianna in Pooja�s bedroom, since many fanfiction readers (myself included) tend to get bored with too many scenes that only include original characters (well, technically Pooja isn�t original, but you know what I mean). However, this scene was required not only to establish Pooja and Rianna�s relationship, but also to stimulate some sympathy for Rianna.
CHAPTER 32
Not one of my favorite chapters - it�s yet another transition with little to say about it. It basically sets up how Padme plans to gather representatives of Naboo�s people and how Rianna decides to learn about the Force.
The little scene with Leia musing at breakfast doesn�t really serve much purpose. At the time when I wrote it I thought that Leia could help Rianna get through her emotions, but she ended up doing very little. If I ever decide to revise the story, that scene might be taken out. However, it sort of works to help fuse up the following meeting. The tension between Leia and Rianna is one of the most entertaining things about this chapter.
CHAPTER 33v
With this chapter, I was met with the challenge to express what being Force-sensitive feels like. When describing Luke and Leia using the Force, I was able to get away with simple descriptions since they�re both used to it, but in the case of Rianna, it was something completely new to her. It was fascinating to explore what discovering the Force would be like - it felt like I was exploring alongside Rianna. It�s scenes like this that make the writing medium so unique. The feeling of using the Force could never truly be captured on the movie camera.
CHAPTER 34
Now we introduce some more original characters. As I said before, Nia was originally a nameless, faceless beggar, but then when the time to find representatives came, I began wondering about that beggar. Was she really homeless? Just why was she begging for money? How was her situation connected with Naboo�s? Slowly a backstory began forming. Once I got the hospital idea I became really excited, since that would give the doctor who later tends to Leia while she�s giving birth an identity. I spent a whole lot of time trying to decide on what to name the beggar. Many Star Wars authors give original characters names that sound too Earth-oriented, which really gets on my nerves, but some others (particularly EU authors...) go too far in the other direction, making up names that are so weird and unpronounceable that they turn the reader off. So what to do? Use an Earth name that sounds like it could come from the SW universe, or make something bizarre up and hope you won�t lose your readers? You�d think I would have already gone through this with Rianna�s name, but somehow I didn�t struggle much with her - for some reason I just knew her name. That wasn�t the case with Nia. It took a while, but I finally thought of an Earth name that sounded �Star Wars-ish� enough and seemed to fit the character.
Senon, Hella, and Cre kind of came out of nowhere after I�d established Nia�s character. I thought of having Nia live alone, but then it turned out that living illegally in a closed hospital was really a team effort. The extra voices helped to add some more flavor to the story.
CHAPTER 35
This chapter�s extremely short - it mainly establishes that Rianna is having nightmares that are possibly Force-induced. At the time when I wrote it, I was working in Disney World, where I had almost no time to write. I was concerned that a long gap between updates might make some readers lose interest, so I opted to make the chapters shorter for a while (of course, I didn�t predict that I�d get fired after a month, but that�s another story...).
CHAPTER 36
It was sometime during my residence at Disney World that I got the �aha� notion for what to do with Rianna. She and Luke together just made everything right. Sure, I�d have to face the wrath of every Mara Jade fan reading the story, but my main concern was not satisfying the EU fans when I was already largely ignoring the EU. My concern was what was right for this story. So in this chapter, I began the foreshadowing of what Luke and Rianna might be starting to feel for each other, starting with Luke acting on his subconscious desire to touch her and Rianna forgetting to resist.
When writing the meeting scene, I found that the meetings were already getting redundant, so I decided to use Han�s POV to tell this one (ah, how handy he is). His boredom and cynical view helped make this scene fresh.
CHAPTER 37
I was still in Disney World when I wrote this chapter, so I probably didn�t push it to its full potential. I knew I wanted Padme and Rianna to get a chance to talk outside of a meeting, but what would they say that hadn�t already been said at a meeting? I tried to go for Padme attempting to get Rianna to tell her about her dead father, getting only minor success. It was a good idea, but Padme still ended up repeating many of the things she�d said during the meetings. I probably should have invested a little more time into this chapter, but time was hard to come by in Disney World.
CHAPTER 38
Rianna�s second Force lesson, this time with a lightsaber. It was tough to pull off Rianna getting sucked further into the dark side. Where was the fine line between scary and just plain ridiculous? It�s weird having to rely on your instinct to answer questions like that. My instinct just told me to keep pushing it further and work this scene for all it�s worth. I�m actually quite pleased with how it turned out. These kinds of weird, creepy, angsty, introspective scenes are my favorite things to write.
CHAPTER 39
Woo man, when I asked the readers for input about whether or not I should include Jar Jar in the story, I didn�t expect such passionate comments. Some (predictably) were practically offering me their firstborns so I wouldn�t include him, but there were also some equally-passionate comments wanting Jar Jar in the story. I told the readers that I�d only include him if I found a place for him - and lo and behold, I found a place.
I have to admit, one of the main reasons why I wanted to put Jar Jar in the story was so he could meet Han. (giggles) I had too much fun writing the Jar Jar/Han interaction. The �Hannie� idea came very early - it probably arose the first time I considered including the famous (or infamous) Gungan.
CHAPTER 40
The story�s picking up the pace now - rather dramatically. I needed something that would increase the urgency, but for a long time I wasn�t sure what that would be. For a while I played with an idea that Padme would lead a raid of Naboo�s citizens who would demand that Rianna join the New Republic or step down from power. It was interesting, but I eventually realized that it was too complicated - it would scatter the story�s focus. By this point in the story, the politics weren�t the real focus - Rianna was. So I opted for something simpler - something that would center on the queen as both the adversary and the victim.
Many reviewers were anxious to see Anakin�s ghost again, so I thought I�d throw them a little treat here before he�d make his big reappearance while Leia�s giving birth. I decided to have him inform Padme about the trouble going on at the palace. It made sense, actually.
There must be something about me and nightmares, since I keep coming back to them. Or maybe I just took too much inspiration from the dark side nightmares in ROTS. Whatever the reason, Rianna ended up having a traumatic night terror that caused her to cease her Force lessons. It set the story into lightning speed.
CHAPTER 41
Finally, the LAST meeting scene. God, I was getting tired of them. Well Jar Jar helped keep this scene from being boring - plus it was short. The meeting mainly serves as a transition into Luke�s final desperate attempt to get Rianna to resume her lessons.
Here�s where I REALLY drop some strong hints that Luke and Rianna have feelings for each other. The touching, the tears, the almost-embracing - I�m surprised some readers still didn�t guess the eventual outcome (but others did).
CHAPTER 42
I was apprehensive about putting in yet another dream scene. I was concerned that three dream scenes in the same story might make things redundant (boy, do I worry about this a lot or what?). Still, the question on exactly what Rianna had been dreaming remained, and the best way to dramatize that was to actually show it instead of have her tell it. It helped freshen this scene to not reveal who the dreamer was at first. It seems to be Rianna, but it turns out to be Luke. Or perhaps it�s Rianna and Luke having the same dream simultaneously.
The scene where Han wakes Luke up and then Luke sneaks out to the palace once again was a bit hard. Not the waking up, but how to get Luke out of the house without Han knowing. I thought about Luke telling Han that he had to go to Rianna, Han trying to talk him out of it, and then Luke saying, �Han, I�m sorry I have to do this� before bashing Han�s head against the wall, knocking him out. For obvious reasons, I chose not to go in that direction. Instead, Luke had the smarts to not tell Han about his plan and wait until Han fell back asleep to leave. Of course, that led to the problem on why Han would just go back to sleep instead of making sure Luke wouldn�t sneak off to the palace and get himself shot again. Leia yelling at him about it in the next chapter helped a bit. Han was tired and he thought getting shot taught Luke not to do something like that again.
CHAPTER 43
The transition into the climax (well, the first climax, I guess you could say this story has two climaxes). After I decided to abandon the raid idea, I still needed something that would raise the urgency to maximum level. The idea of Rianna holding Luke hostage brought back that recurring fear that I was getting repetitive (I�m getting repetitive just by telling you how I�m always afraid of getting repetitive, aren�t I?), but it actually provided an interesting way to show how Rianna has changed - the first time, Luke is almost a guest; the second time, he is a hostage.
I knew I�d have a bit of a problem if I put pregnant Leia in the battle, but it didn�t feel right for her to be absent for it. I finally figured out that she was a necessity because she was the only one who could shield the group�s presence from the queen.
CHAPTER 44
If I thought any of the previous chapters were difficult, they were nothing compared to this one. It was the first real edge-of-your-seat action-packed climax I�ve ever written - I was scared to death of it. Well, Leia, Han, and Chewie rescuing Luke was secondary to what was happening between Padme and Rianna, so I gave myself permission to rush through the rescue.
God, I think the Padme/Rianna talk was my ultimate test in writing dialogue. How would Padme try to turn Rianna back? Why would Rianna listen? What would motivate Rianna to kill herself? Just how far into the dark side was Rianna into at this point? Why does Padme think she can turn another back from the dark side this time when she failed last time? Augh, just typing these questions brings back the headache. I wish I could tell you about the magical solution I found...but I have no idea what that was. I guess the only thing I can say is that I jumped into it. I knew I wanted the last sentence to be, �She pulled the trigger,� so I worked on leading up to it, waiting for the right moment for Rianna to turn the gun around and point it at herself.
CHAPTER 45
After the steep cliffhanger of the previous chapter, I knew I�d better get this one finished quickly before my readers had a heart attack. ;) Unfortunately, I had a ton of stuff to talk about. There was Rianna�s hospitalization, how her suicide attempt affected everyone else, whether or not she was still in danger of the dark side taking her, and finally the resolution between Rianna and Luke. Still, it felt good to slow the pace a little and return to my angsty writing.
Luke and Rianna have finally let down the barriers between them. For the first time, they get to know each other for who they really are. I would have liked to do more than just a runthrough with the blossoming of their relationship, but the story had to move on.
CHAPTER 46
Following the intensity of the previous chapters, I was relieved to write this one. By now I felt like I was going at light speed. I was exhilarated from being over the hump of Rianna�s climax, feeling like I was making personal history.
For a long time I was going to show Rianna announcing to her people that they were joining the New Republic, then that scene got cut at the last minute. It felt unnecessary, like there wasn�t anything new to offer. It was enough to have Rianna tell Luke about her intentions. That way, this chapter could focus on what was about to come. I kept things simple with a runthrough of what had occurred and then shifting the spotlight to Han and Leia. It felt good to finally have another cute H/L scene, since they�d been on the sidelines lately.
CHAPTER 47
Childbirth. It both fascinates and intimidates me. Since I�ve...well...never had a baby, and I haven�t seen a labor or birth since my baby brother�s birth when I was six, I�m not exactly what you�d call an expert. Still, I knew that fathers tend to get panicky when their wives are giving birth, so of COURSE I wouldn�t miss my opportunity to put Han in that role. The comical tone lures the reader into a false sense of security before the dramatic turn.
CHAPTER 48
This is the chapter where research would have helped greatly. I wanted Leia to have a difficulty that would threaten the lives of the babies if left untreated, but treatment would mean sacrificing one to save the other. Unfortunately, I wasn�t sure how to get around to that, and I was rather...embarrassed to ask around. I know I didn�t get it right. If I ever decide to revise this story, that will be the first thing to be rewritten.
Yes, I admit it, the idea of Anakin�s spirit entering Padme�s body was inspired by the movie Ghost, but Chapter 18 wasn�t. I first saw the movie after writing Chapter 18 (but long before writing this part...), and I was like, �OMG, that�s just like my fanfic!�. Still, the only thing that I stole from the movie was the idea of possession - then I made the rest my own.
CHAPTER 49
Well, here I was. Very very close to finishing, but this chapter could make or break the story. I was taking a large leap of faith with this crazy possession idea. Executed right, it could knock the reader out. Executed wrong, it makes for a laughable and very disappointing ending. Once again, I don�t have any surefire secret I discovered. I just wrote. I imagined what Leia would think and feel.
I wasn�t sure just how many voices Leia should hear. Sometimes I thought of just Bail, sometimes I thought of Bail and Breha, sometimes I thought of Bail, Breha, Shmi, and Qui-Gon. Finally, Bail and Shmi seemed just right.
Although it�s never explicitly stated in the story, I like to think of this scene as Leia passing her cave test, when she overcomes her weaknesses. Since Luke saw Vader when he was given his cave test, it seems logical that Leia�s test would involve him as well.
CHAPTER 50
Woo man, did this chapter ever feel gooood The LAST chapter, the place I never thought I�d get. It felt like I was nearing the peak of a high mountain. Here�s the relaxing part, the letting-off-steam part. This chapter comes in three main parts: the excitement about the babies, which allows for a �final goodbye� to most of the supporting cast, the moment when Rianna and Luke admit their feelings for each other, and the last scene where Leia and Han finally see Anakin�s ghost.
For a long time I planned to have more than one ghost appear at the end. Much like Leia�s vision in the previous chapter, the number of ghosts kept changing. Sometimes it was Anakin and Obi-Wan, other times I put Shmi in there, other times Bail, other times Padme�s parents, I think I even considered Qui-Gon and Yoda at one point. But when the time came to actually write this scene, I realized that the impact was greatest when it was only Anakin. The story was, after all, largely about Leia�s coming to terms with her biological father. The result made for a nice way to come full-circle.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Well, it�s been a journey of almost two years writing this story. Even now I have trouble believing that I actually wrote a novel. Granted, it was a novel with stolen characters and a stolen universe, but I learned that I can do it. I CAN structure a long storyline and complete it. It�s not perfect - there are several things I wish I had written differently - but overall, I�m proud of it. I even let my mom read it - something I thought I�d never be crazy enough to do with one of my fanfics - and she said she was impressed.
As the story progressed, I grew more and more excited. I loved checking my inbox and reading the reviews people left. I was amazed by how many people had my story on their Favorites list. This experience has given me more confidence in my writing. Someday I WILL complete a novel that is 100% original...maybe my dream to write novels for a living will even come true. I�m working on developing my own novel, but something tells me I won�t be giving up on fanfic anytime soon. In fact, I don�t want to. This experience has also taught me that fanfiction shouldn�t just be seen as a stepping stone to writing original stories. It�s a form of reaching out to others who share your interests, a way to exercise your own creativity with something you love. Right now I�m writing a new long AU, �Father and Son� - and I�m working on the �My Mother� sequel, �Destiny.� How is that going to turn out? Can I hit lightning twice?
Only time will tell.
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