| So, it wasn't anything special... I'd been babysitting for our neighbors kids for a long time. They happened to be old friends with one of the guys from Hanson, so once I ended up watching Isaacs kids when he and his wife went out with my neighbors for their anniversary. It was kinda cool meeting someone so famous, but yet, he was just like any other dad. I liked him. A few months down the road, and Isaac asked me to babysit his kids after they'd lost their nanny. She ran off and got married so they needed someone to watch the kids that fall until they could find another person to fill the spot. Since they were not on the road, they were recording, lots of home time. I got to watch the kids when he and his wife had things to do or just wanted to get out of the house kid free. I really didn't mind at all. They were great kids. Twins. Eric was a doll, very polite, just like his dad, and Erin was a sweetie, but she did have a mischievious streak in her. She was a cutie too. They both were beautiful children with curly blonde locks and deep brown eyes. The twins very much took after their mother. She was a gorgeous woman, even at fourty you would swear she were a teenager. So, I was watching the twins one night, it was late and I really didn't expect Isaac and Christy back for quite some time yet. They could party all night I think. I went upstairs to check on the sleeping angels when I thought I heard the door open. I hurried back down the stairs. I was surprized to find the hall empty. I thought it odd, but passed it off on just hearing things... until I heard a soft exclaimation of pain sound from the kitchen. I grabbed up an umbrella for a weapon, just in case, and approached the darkened room. I knew it wasn't the Hansons, they always call out when they come home to let me know it's them. Quietly I crept into the kitchen, the fridge was opened and I could see the shadowed silhouette of a large man. I could have sworn he could have heard my teeth chattering I was so damned scared. I raised the umbrella, determined to protect both myself and the twins. Slowly, I reached for the switch to surprize the crazed monster that had broken into the Hanson home. As I flipped on the light I yelled, half from bravery I didn't know I possessed, and half because I was scared out of my wits by the sight I saw! He yelled too, I think I really did surprize him for he dropped the gallon of milk, spilling it all over the slate floor. He clutched at his chest, breathing heavily. When he looked up at me, I was glad looks couldn't kill! "What the hell do you think you're doing? Who are you?! I'm calling the cops unless you've got one hell of a good answer mister!" "Well, it wouldn't be the first time some girl called the cops on me... but, I'm Zac, Ike's brother, well, one of them anyway." His smirk was so damned lopsided and smug, I just wanted to slap it off his face! I lowered the umbrella anyway, noticing the face looking at me was one I'd seen on the walls of the upstairs hall. Ok, so he really was Mr. Hanson's brother, what the hell was he doing breaking into his house and scaring the life out of me then? "You know you scared the shit out of me? What the hell are you doing here anyway? How did you get in?" "Key." "Oh..." "Yeah." "Sorry." "S'ok." He shrugged. He was kinda evasive, and I still didn't like the looks of him. I put the umbrella in the corner and moved toward the broom closet. He only eyed the umbrella, I was grateful he didn't mention it. I probably did look rather silly with it. I mean really, how many armed robberies are pulled off with an umbrella anyway? I hauled out the mop and together we silently cleaned up the spilled milk. He was a quiet one, this brother. I wasn't quite sure what I thought of him just yet, except that he made me feel uncomfortable. "I've got to check on the twins." I told him quietly, not really sure if I should leave this strange man alone. But I figured, if he had a key, it must be ok. I left him as he was twisting the top off a beer. It looked like he'd already had a few too many. But I wasn't going to be a preacher. I left him to his own devices and headed up the stairs. Eric was awake, reading a comic book under the covers when I got there. He said he'd heard a noise and was too scared to go back to sleep. I assured him that it was only his uncle and I cleaning up the floor from when I'd surprized him. He bought that and the farm, falling back to sleep rather easily. I checked in on Erin, fast asleep. She usually is out like a light once bed time rolls around anyway. Then I was faced with the reality... I had to go back down the stairs and face that strange man again. What the hell was I supposed to do? Have a one sided conversation with him? Help him get more drunk by handing him beer after beer until he passed out? What?! So... I took a deep breath, and slowly, I mean really slowly, went back downstairs. "I don't bite you know." Came from the livingroom, the dull tell tale glow of late night television announcing the pressence of someone I really would rather not have to deal with. I leaned in the door way, the back of a blonde head poking up from the couch. "I know. I didn't say you did." I lamely came back with. He glanced my way with an indifferent look as I came into the room and sat in a chair across the room, closest to the door. It wasn't that he scared me, it was just that I often sat there... I did! Really! Well... anyway... the last thing I remembered was the tinkle of glass on glass when he plunked his big feet on the coffeetable next to the six pack of beer he was apparently planning on polishing off. The next thing I knew, I was jostled awake by some large animal bumping into my chair and falling over my lap. I flew awake then, shoving the offender off me. When I looked to the floor, the blonde heap was no wild animal, it was in fact a very drunk, very large Zac Hanson. Great. Now what was I going to do? I couldn't leave him there moaning in pain. I felt sort of sorry for him and attempted to haul him up. It wasn't easy I tell you, but I managed to get him onto his unsteady feet, and headed toward the downstairs bath before he spewed all over the oriental rug. He looked mighty green, and Christy would have a cow if anything happened to her rug. I don't know what was bothering him so much that he wanted to get drunk like that, but I knew it had to be something upsetting for he was surley in a bad way. He was nearly fall down drunk, well, he really was fall down drunk I suppose, since he'd fallen into my lap after all. I felt sorry for him for some stupid reason. Sort of like you would feel bad for a stray dog. I held his hair back while he puked, and handed him a glass of water to rinse his mouth out with when he was finnished. "Thanks. I'm... I'm sorry you had to deal with that... it's just..." But I interrupted him. "It's none of my bussiness. Really. And you're welcome. I hope you feel better. If you need help, want me to call you a cab, ...or anything, just let me know." I told him and walked out of the bathroom. I left him to get cleaned up and gather his dignity. I sat back in my chair in the livingroom and opened a magazine. It was a short time later when he sort of staggered back into the livingroom. He looked sort of embarrassed, but not quite as plastered as before. I only gave him a cursuory look, not wanting him to feel anymore out of sorts. He plunked, rather heavily, onto the sofa with a great huff, then threw his head onto the back of the couch and groaned. "I can't believe I'm that stupid... apparently, I am irresponsible. She's right... again. Damnit." He said more to himself. I left him stewing in his pity party and went upstairs to check in on the twins again. As I closed Erins door, I heard faint music comming from downstairs. I figured he'd turned up the television and thought nothing more of it. But when I came down the stairs again, I knew it wasn't the television. The livingroom was dark, and I could see movement through the frosted glass door to the music room. It was Isaac's office of sorts, as well as a neat place to hang out. The twins and I went in there often, there was a great old slate pool table, kick ass stereo, and the video games. I pushed on the half open door and watched from the safety of the hallway. A sad character he made, shoulders sagging as if he held the weight of the world upon them. His posture like that of an old man, one that had lived a hard life. The music swelled and he began to move with it. Arms swinging, head swaying, it looked as if he was conducting a band... or... no... he was playing! That was it, he was playing along with the music, pounding out the beat. He was the drummer I remembered, and now he was playing along with Alice Cooper in his imagination. I walked away, not wanting to disturb him. I'd watched him enough. He needed to work what ever it was out. I'd leave him alone and go read a book in the breakfast nook so I wouldn't disturb him. I know I was drowsy, I kept nodding off... but once in a while I'd catch myself slipping out of sleep and I could hear the music. It was base, primal, thumping, the kind of music one listened to when one wanted to get lost in the music and forget the world around you. I figured that was what he wanted so I left him alone. I did notice however that the music was getting increasingly louder. I figured he was still drinking, or maybe he was just that depressed that he didn't know what he was doing. But, as it was getting to the point that it was going to disturb the children, I saw fit to step in. It was after all my job, my responsibility to keep the children safe, look after them in their parents abscence. I closed my book hurridly as AC/DC started to rip from the room way too loud for three o'clock in the morning. I booked it down the hall and flung open the door to the music room to reprimand the resident drunkard. I didn't expect to see what I saw... he was dancing. Dancing like he had a partner, his beer slopping over the hardwood floor as he swirled and twirled with the phantom of his mind. Whoever she was, she apparently had hurt him a great deal. It was so pathetic I hadn't the heart to yell at him. I walked into the room, unnoticed and headed toward the stereo. Blindly he danced his imagination past the french doors that led to the deck. It was as if I wasn't even there. I turned down the music, and that was when he noticed me. His eyes opened like he were wakeing from a dream. There was something so desperate in them, it startled me. He didn't say a word, just weaved his way over to me and set his beer on the mantle of the cold, stone fireplace. I don't know why I let him do it, this stranger. But I knew he needed that human touch, comfort of some sort to ease the pain he was suffering from. Slowly he wrapped his arms around me. He was warm, almost too warm. And he smelled like alcohol and soap. I let him fold himself around me, the need of him seeping into me like taking the chill from one's bones in dead of winter. It was like there was a divine intervention for just then a metal power ballad began to hum from the speakers, and now that I'd turned it down, the room had an almost smokey feel. He pressed me to his firm chest, the thickness of it comforting to me, like I'd been there before, though I knew I never had. His arms were strong and sure. I thought how proper that was, considering what he did for a living. I felt the weight of his head atop mine, he was holding me like he needed me, just me. His hair was soft and smelled a bit like smoke as it sifted down and fell across my face. I don't know exactly when it began, but somehow, we were swaying to the music. Just a small waiver in our stance really. Then, as we melded into a singular unit, it turned into a dance. A dance of comfort, need, just... essesence of the time. His hands were rough as they slid down my bare arms, but they were sure and right. I gave myself up to the moment and got lost in the softened strains. As his fingers curled around the curve of my ass my hands slid up over his chest and I burried my fingers in his silky hair. We just seemed to fit together, like we were made as a set. In our silence we danced, danced almost in slow motion about the room. Just the two of us in the world, the two of us and the music. That was all that existed right then. There were no thoughts as to right or wrong, what I was doing or why. I just did it, lived in the space of time and did what felt like belonged in that moment. The dance was sensual, a language almost that only we two knew. It seemed so easy to know what came next, what to do and how to move. So easy. His breath was warm and moist against my bared neck where his nose settled against my skin. In, out, I felt him breathe, as if he were breathing me in. I closed my eyes, filling the night with the sensation and anticipating the next one. I no longer was myself... I was someone else, someone in a novel, quiet, demure, captured. I imersed myself in the feeling, relished in it's experience. That was just how I felt, it wasn't explainable really, it just was. The first touch of his lips was a familiar feeling, though I don't know how that could have been. I opened myself to the feeling. It was only soft, tender touches at first. Then, he got a taste for my flesh and tasted of me more and more. Kisses along my throat that led upwards to my lips. I was thirsting for his taste by then. The temptation he was offering more then I knew how to cope with. I gave in easily, so easily. He tasted of beer and mint. His mouth firm and warm, tongue seeking, pleasing. Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard myself tell of how wrong this was... it was the only time I heard it, and I ignored it. Pushed it away. I couldn't have turned back now if I'd wanted to... his large hands were cradling my face like a precious treasure as he kissed me deeply, touching something within, something that hadn't stirred for a very long time. I couldn't explain it then, and I can't explain it now either, it was just something that was right for the moment... so very right. That was why there was no protest when he walked me backward toward the large couch. My mind was swirling, not with thoughts, but with feelings. Thrills were reeling within me like a rollercoaster ride. I think we were both running on instincts now, for I've no idea really how we got from point a-- wary strangers-- to point b-- he was now undressing me. I was too wrapped up in the thrill of his hands upon my body to ponder any of it. I watched in amazement as his tongue hotly slid down over my flesh as it followed the zipper on my shirt. How could one man be so divine? His hands were like they had a mind of thier own, knowing exactly where to go, what to do. The way he touched me, it was like he knew me. As if we had been lovers for many years. We just fit together so perfectly. He peeled my clothes from my body sensuously, slowly. He wasn't in any hurry, though, behind his actions I could feel a sense of urgency. I took it upon myself to undress him as well. Never before had my hands enjoyed such a luxury as they did that night. His body was sumptious, his touch decadent. Just his presence alone was awesome to take in. I was but a plaything in his hands. He didn't tease me for long, only enough to whett my appetite for something more... satisfying. A slight suck here, a tickle with his tongue there. I was melting under his ministrations. Somehow I knew I was going to be nothing more then a puddle of goo on the floor by the time he was done with me. I was quite looking forward to it too. I'd gotten his jeans undone and started to slide them down when he slipped out of my grasp. Momentarily I wondered where he was off to, until I felt his hot breath upon my thigh. Oddly enough, it gave me chills. Rough fingers smoothed over my legs, spreading them before him. I was naked and vulnerable to him, yet I felt completely at ease. It was the oddest sensation. Gently he pressed my thighs to the couch as he sank between my knees. I quivered at his first touch, warm wet tongue passing over my folds, like licking away an errant drip from an icecream cone. So casual, so perfect. He dipped the point of his tongue deeper, seeking more of my cavern, then traveled up and swirled it around my clit, slowly. Such sweet torture. This was a man who knew what he was doing, more importantly, he know how to do it to me! In no time at all, I was allowed the most magnificent orgasm I'd ever had up to that time. It was a high I'd never felt, I was breathless. I hadn't even caught my breath before he was face to face with me once more. His voice was slow, like honey being poured out. His eyes were so dark, almost black in the low light of the room. But his hands were now insistent, and I was eager to please. Together we got him out of the remainder of his garments, his body being revealed deliciously like every tempting treat one could think of, and expanded ten fold. He was divine to behold. He lay me back again, settling himself atop me. His mouth was leading the way, laying kisses and tiny licks upon my breasts, one hand sliding down to grip my hip. He sank down, sliding his taught body against mine. I was anxious to have more of him. I was ready, so ready. He suddenly looked up into my eyes, his other hand sifting through my hair and holding my head up to meet his lucious lips again as he entered my body with his. I was glad he had my mouth covered, I probably would have screamed in extasy at that moment. His girth and length went beyond fulfilling. I'd never had a man that could satisfy me so well. Then he began to move... and the heavens opened up... I must have heard the angels sing! If I hadn't been so caught up in the moment, I could have wept at how beautiful he made me feel that moment. The only thing going through my mind at that moment was how this divine creature wanted me... me! It was inexplicable. He rocked into me, taking his own pleasure as he gave me so much more then I'd ever had from a man before. It was chilly out that night, yet our bodies were slicked with sweat from our undulation upon the leather in no time. His movements were so rhythmic, it was almost putting me into a trance as he was drawing me closer and closer towards another mind bending explosion. I could feel it building up within me, and I just knew this time was going to be even better then the first. I watched him from below. His hair, how it hung in damp ropes, sometimes he would jerk his head, flipping his dark gold locks behind him, the slap they made against his skin. His eyes, so dark, how they pierced me, then they would slide closed as he raised his face heavenward, he looked transfixed in extasy. His mouth, his tongue slicking his lips periodicly, so eroticly, only to have them dry out again from his heavy panting, and again that pink tongue sweeping over the lush expanse of mouth set in a soft ohh most of the time. His body, sleek and sinewy in places, yet the thick chest and powerful arms and legs belied his occupation, how the sweat trickled down over rippled muscles, making me ache to lap them all up. I drank him in, watching, waiting, willing my body to move with his, mould to his, pleasure his. I could feel my pleasure waiting for me just beyond that precipice, that place where the height of our contact would throw us both over the edge and let us free fall through such pleasures a body could only dream of until then. That's when I felt it... it was rushing towards me, and I opened my mind to embrace it. His face twisted, almost into a pained expression, his thrusts becoming more powerful, his movements faster, more urgent. He pounded into my hips as I pulled every delicious ache away from me like a veil and met him push for push. I was beyond craving, I had my face to the wind and was pushing off the edge of the cliff, waiting for a third torturous delight from his body. His voice was deep, primal. A low, soft rumble came up from his belly and spilled out of his mouth as his body stiffened over me, chin thrust to the stars, arms tense and pulsing. His hair clung to him, plastered like lace over his shoulders as it spilled down over his back, reaching for his waist. I was spiraling out of control. I had expierienced something that far surpassed extasy, it was within another whole existence. It was surreal. Then, as always, it was over too soon. I licked my lips, hungering to return to that place again already. The memory of it was running through my veins like heroin, I needed my next fix, and fast. But it all came crashing down the moment he collapsed atop me. Then I knew I wouldn't be granted my next taste of divinity. I was only to be granted the one wish. But hope made insanity linger and I held out for the possibility. Reality was altered... and there was no going back through the looking glass Alice. I was addicted for good. His nose was pressed against the pulse upon my neck, I'm sure he could feel my heart racing. If only he knew why. He gave a soft growl as he breathed me in, a tiny lick to follow. It was only a tease to me, but he didn't know how much I was hanging on to that small contact. He rolled to the side of me, with his arm wrapped around me, he kept me from falling off the narrow strip of leather that was my bed of fantasy come true. It was a torture for me to bear that. He moulded himself against me, snuggling up like he belonged there for the rest of our lives. I wish he were only pretending, it would have made it easier in the long run for the both of us. So much easier... A few minutes later, his sigh cracked through the silence. It sounded panicked almost. "I think we'd better get dressed. I suppose Ike and Christy will be home before too long." There was something else hiding behind his voice. But I was too distracted to know what it was. I only nodded and began to crawl out from under his arm. Like a gentleman, or someone that cared for me deeply, he helped me up and handed me some of my clothes that were close at hand. We dressed in silence, backs to each other. I know I should have been thinking then about how wrong it was for us to have done what we did... but I just couldn't bring myself to do it... I just couldn't. I had to cling to the illusion that it was exactly what we were supposed to do. I had to or else I'd loose the hope of seeing him again, being with him again. I needed him. I suspected I always would. I pulled the hair from my collar and turned around. I met his eyes and he dropped his gaze to the floor. I had a sinking feeling I was going to be exhiled from his life. I couldn't let that happen. I could see the regret in him building up already. It burned me like wildfire, racing through my being. "I think I'll head home. It's so late, you'd better crash here. Tell Mr. and Mrs. Hanson that I'll see them later to pick up my money." I spilled out hurriedly. I quickly bent and kissed him on the cheek, then lightly on the lips. I left the room before he could say anything more. I just left him sitting there on the leather couch, left him before he could break open my dilusion and ruin everything we had just shared. I would shatter into a million pieces if that happened. So, in my mind, there was still a chance I could be with him again. And I made it just as real as you and I are now. I kept it alive, that little dream, that little illusion that I could have that same thrill, catch lightning in a bottle again, just like I did that night. A few days later I recieved a check via courier with a letter from the Hansons. It said they finally found another nanny and that my services were no longer required. They thanked me and mentioned the extra pay for my time. That was it. It was the last time I had heard from the Hansons. The days passed into weeks and then into months. I was steadfast, deluding myself that he was working his way back to me, when really I was being held captive by that one moment when I tasted nirvana, and it was all too fleeting. That is the problem with highs, there are always lows too. But I mistook a devastating low for a peak ultimate. That's how I ended up the way I am, here in... well... Let's just say it was the catalyst for my destiny. After the Hansons had let me go, I watched the papers and television for news about them. Surfed online to catch a glimpse into their lives, wondering when my knight in shining armor would come riding in and save me from my miserable existence. That was when I first learned that he was married. One would think I'd be upset to learn such news... not so. To me it explained everything. I cut the pieces to fit into my own puzzle. The tabloids were heralding the impending seperation with his wife. I couldn't have been happier. It meant that he was being held back by her, but he was in fact trying to reach me. At least that was the way I percieved it. I waited patiently by the phone for him to call. I knew he would. But he didn't did he... no. I don't know when or how they brought me here, to this place, this so called hospital. I don't remember the weeks you said I starved myself, or the months you tell me I've been here. I do know that this morning I woke with such clarity, it was startling to me. How could I have ever thought I was anything more than a mistake to him? I know now, I understand. But, I also know how to fix it. So, don't be mad, and I'm sorry about the mess, but really, this is the only way. This will bring me to him in my next life, I just know we were meant to be together, and now I know when... next time my darling, next time. I wait for you eternally, I wait for you still. Love Darlene And that was what they read beneath the bloody smears on the crisp white paper with the soft feminine handwriting. They never did figure out where she got the razor from. But it didn't matter anyway, it was already too late. The poor girl, gone mad after a bump to the head, a simple fall down the stairs at her employers, the Hansons. It was a good thing Mr. Hansons younger brother had found her upon entering the house that late night or else she might have been dead months sooner, then again, maybe she would have been better off... or would she? |
| So... |