| Suspended Ages |
| *1* |
| She wasn't like most women, in fact, many would say she wasn't like any other woman. And that was exactly the impression he had gotten of her. But it was a quiet observation that he kept to himself. A closely guarded so called secret. It just wouldn't do to voice his thoughts. It may lead down a path to his destruction. Somehow, he thought she would be well worth it though. Life had been good to him, very good indeed. He couldn't complain. Except for one thing. He was lonely. He had certainly had his share of women, true. But none of them could ever satisfy him enough to keep them around for longer then a few months. He felt pathetic really. A celebrated persona since such an early age... and yet he went home alone most nights and sat in his underware infront of his aquarium with beer in hand. Contemplating life in general and why it was that he was chosen to live his alone. Sometimes he would think his success was a tradeoff for his lack of love. Then he would look at his brothers lives. Isaac had happily been married for years and had a beautiful family. Taylor had found a sweet woman to settle down with and gave their parents a couple of grandchildren as well. His sisters even had both married and Avie was expecting her first born in a mere few months. Why couldn't he have that? What was so wrong with him? He vividly remembered his last phone conversation with his mother. He bluntly asked her if she thought he was getting old. She just laughed at him. He assumed that meant he was beening foolish. But if he was only being foolish, then why was it that he felt that way? Was it love that he was hoping to fill his life with and it would be some magical elixer to keep him young? He was at a great loss. He thought that at his age he should have figured out life by then. He was obviously mistaken. Thirty wasn't so old maybe... maybe... It wasn't hard to fill his life with things to keep him occupied. His music was at a place where he could relax and enjoy the creative process at his own pace. In the lulls that he and his brothers were now afforded, he filled his days with teaching. College had been an endeaver he sneered at in his youth. He laughed at himself for that now. With the guidence of his parents and his beloved grandmother, GOD rest her soul, he was steered into the direction of becomming a teacher. A noble if not noteworthy profession. Something to fall back on according to his father. So, consequently, he found himself infront of a classroom, desperately trying to teach music history to a bunch of ingrates for students. Life was so weird. It was during one of his stretches at his part time occupation of teacher that he first saw her. She was strolling down the hall with her nose in a book, silently she slipped into the vast library and left him standing in the midst of the chaos of the hall, his mouth agape. He felt sixteen again. Too bad he wasn't. At first it was just that stunned feeling of witnessing such grace and beauty in the same time and space that he occupied. Then his curiosity got the better of him and he started searching her out in the crowds. It got to the point that he knew when and where their paths would cross. He was content with that... until he heard her speak. He was in the wretched cafeteria that serviced the dazed students with meager fare. He had agreed to meet one of his students there for she was in need of assistance and had to work there to pay her way. He was more then happy to accomodate her. She was a wonderful student and would make a fine music teacher one day, for that was what she had told him she wanted to be. He was most kind to his students that strived for their betterment. He strolled into the dingy room and sought out the sludge they called coffee. He felt brave that day. From across the way he waved cordially to his student. She smiled and waved back. He took a seat and waited for her sipping on the black poison they considered coffee. She disappeared into the kitchen and came back a moment later with her books as she wiped her hands on her apron. He stood when she approached, a smile wide for one of his favorite students. She thanked him for taking the time to help her and they sat down and begun. She was a fast learner, but she had missed two classes because of her job and he was willing to make an exception for her and help her out to catch up. It didn't take long for them to be imersed in the lesson and they were both off in their own little world for the link of love of music tethered them. They were laughing over some trivial point about connections between Ray Stevens to Motzart when a lilting voice interupted them. His laugh died in his throat and he was startled into stunned silence. "I really hate to interupt Bridget, but I've really got to take off and get to my psych class." "Oh! Mel! I'm so sorry! Here you've been such a dear to cover for me and I'm about to make you late for class. I hope you forgive me, professor Hanson, I really have to get back to work. Go on Mel. I can't ever thank you enough for the favor. I'll be sure to repay it sometime." He could only nod dumbly. He felt like an adolescent again. 'Mel' smiled at him politely and hurried off as Bridget gathered her things and made ready to get back to work. He barely even remembered to rise and say goodbye to the girl as he was just so shaken from the brief encounter. He wandered out of the cafeteria, not sure of where he was going or what he needed to be doing but somehow found himself back in his office and staring at the wall in front of his desk. That voice. It was a voice he had heard before... but where? A knock at his door stirred him and sucked him back into reality. "Zac? Wanna skip out with me and grab some dinner? My treat, I actually got the funding for that honors program I've been pestering the dean about for ages!" "Huh? Oh, Harold, that's great! Uh... sure. Sounds like a plan, just, uh... let me grab a few things and we can get out of here." "Ok, you ok man? You look, I dunno, kinda out of it." "Who me? No, I'm fine really, I was just thinking is all." "You sure? We can do this another night if you want? " "Nah... besides, how often do I get to mooch off you? It'll be a nice change." He grinned at the older man. "Oh you... come on, move your ass or the offer expires." Harold grinned back. He took a few papers and stuffed them into his satchel before shutting off the light and grabbing his favorite leather jacket, closing the door softly behind him until it clicked and locked. He slipped back into reality and tried not to be distracted by the shadowy images theat raced through his mind, slowly threatening to drive him over the edge of sanity a minute piece of him at a time. It wasn't until he found himself in his usual spot that he let his mind catch up with himself. Beer in hand and faded glow in the dark polka dot boxers his attire as his tropical fish reguarded him as they always did, with indifferance. He sighed and wiggled his toes as he stretched his legs out and proped his feet up on the coffee table, a hole in the left heel of his mismatched toasty sox. He only wondered what the hell was wrong with him. Why couldn't he just find a woman and be satisfied enough to settle down. He wanted a family, a home, that warm stability that he grew up in. He missed it. But that was where his thoughts took a dangerous turn. What about 'Mel' in all of her grace and generosity. Her soft words that washed over him like a warm glow. Her extraordinary beauty that was like no other. Her dazzling smile and merry eyes. Her soft curves and tiny porcelain like hands. That pouted mouth, such perfection in moist flesh. He had to stop himself when he caught his hand skimming down over his belly. He got up and tried to ignore the hard insistence of his manhood as he went to the fridge for a second beer. It wouldn't do to have those kinds of thoughts about her. She deserved better then that. Besides. It wouldn't do him any good to think that way of her. He never had a chance to have her the way he wanted. Not a snowballs chance in hell. He resigned himself with that fact and sighed heavily once more as he decided to call someone, anyone to lift his spirits and get his mind off of her. 'Mel.' He wondered what her name was really, 'Mel' just didn't seem to suit her perfection. He shook his head and reached for the phone before he took another thought in that line of mind. "Hey Jess. How's tricks?" She laughed at the sound of her brothers voice. And the gab fest was on. He floated through his days, counting off the squares on the calender left of his teaching stint until he could get back into the studio. It wasn't that he didn't like teaching, on the contrary, he loved to teach. But he itched to create, and he had a good notion of why that was so urgent to him as of late. Though he would never tell either of his brothers. It just wasn't something he wanted to do. His brothers were his best friends, but he needed to keep this secret locked away. He was certain he would face nothing but scorn for being attracted to a woman so much younger then himself that he didn't even know. It was ludicris for him to harbor feelings for a woman such as she. He was positive of it. That's why it surprized him when his mother drew him aside at sunday dinner that next week. He had spent every spare moment writing a song for her, about her. It was saturated through his soul. It was what pulled him from his bed each morning and what he fell asleep to every night. He wanted to capture some part of her, even if it was only for him to enjoy in his private thoughts. "Zac, dear, is there something on your mind that you'd like to talk about? I know you usually go to your brothers about things when you need to get something off your chest, but I can see that they are blind to this particular perdicament you are in. Wanna tell Mama about it?" Her hand slid up his thick arm and her long slender fingers grasped his shoulder lovingly. He smiled. It was such a comfort to have a wonderful family that cared so much. He bent and kissed her forehead lightly, his mouth tugged into a whistful expression. He wanted to tell her, really badly too. He just didn't know how she would take it. "No Ma, maybe later?" She nodded and left him be as she went back to the den to break up a fight between Mac and Zoe over the ps7. He wondered how she always picked up on those things. He knew that she knew it wasn't 'just something' it was most likely about a woman. She just had that tone to her voice. Dinner was an edgy affair, his mother sneaking discrete glances his way and his sister picking up on it just out of womanly intuition perhaps. He even caught Jess tossing him a look once that just screamed, 'we need to talk', but he ignored it. Unfortunately enough for him though he was not allowed to ignore it later on. He and Jess were in the kitchen tending to the dirty dishes when she waited for a quiet moment. She leaned on the counter and reguarded her brother carefully. "So?" "So what?" He asked back. "Don't play dumb with me Zachary. I know you better then most do, and you know it." She scolded. It was true. Even though his mother was someone he often sought out to help him through his troubles, and both of his older brothers were in fact his best friends, it seemed Jess knew him better then anyone else. Maybe she just understood him more. He didn't really know, but there was no denying it. She did know him and she knew something was troubling him, even though he not once said it was. That's what he loved and hated about his sister. "There really isn't anything to say." He shrugged. "Don't give me that. I know you need to spit it out. You know me Zac, I'm not going to laugh at you." She encouraged. "It's not that..." He hemmed and hawed whether or not he should tell her. "Then what is it? You know you can tell me anything Zac." She soothed. "I don't know about this one... It's different..." He elluded, nearly breaking down to tell her. "Zac..." She reached up to put her arm around his neck and lay her head on his shoulder. "If it's that bad you really need to talk about it before it eats you up inside." He knew she was right. He sighed and she knew he was about to spill it. As if their minds were as one they slid into two chiairs at the kitchen table and she picked up his large rough hand between her two smaller warm and soft ones. He gave her a worried look and she smiled back at him lovingly. That was what broke the damn. "She's the most beautiful creature I've ever seen on the face of the earth. Her voice is sent from heaven. She's intelligent and generous. As graceful as a swan... and she doesn't know I exist." He let out a deep breath after getting all of that off his chest. Jess smiled. So her brother was smitten. He looked down at her and noticed the gentle knowing smile she wore. "And she's a freshmen." He whispered, afraid the whole of the world would hear him. "Oh.." A startled Jess whispered back. She didn't know what to tell him then. "Maybe you should talk to Mama" She suggested, at a total loss as to how to help her older brother. He nodded, a tear pooling in the corner of his eye. It felt good to let it out, but now he was frightened. Where would it go from here? |
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| Thanx for reading! Z-ya! |