That Ain't in the Book!
We hear a lot of stuff said in meetings that can't be reconciled
with the program as described in the Big Book. What follows are some of the
things we often hear, along with what the Big Book has to say on the subject.
Please submit anything you feel should be added to this list, along with the
corresponding page and paragraph from the Big Book that deals with the subject.
We've received some great
contributions to this list over the last few months and will be adding them
soon. Sorry we've been so slow to update this page.....sometimes quickly,
sometimes slowly....
"Remember your last
drunk"
Page 24, Paragraph 2:
"We are unable, at times, to bring into our consciousness with
sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or
a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
"I choose not to drink
today"
Page 24 Paragraph 2: "The
fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of
choice in drink."
"Play the tape all the
way through"
Page 24, paragraph 3: "The
almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not
crowd into the mind to deter us. I f these thoughts do occur, they are hazy and
readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle
ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense
that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove."
"Think through the
drink"
Page 43, paragraph 4:
"Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental
defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any
other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a
Higher Power."
"I will always be recovering,
never recovered."
Title Page: "ALCOHOLICS
ANONYMOUS. The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from
Alcoholism"
Page 20, paragraph 2: "Doubtless
you are curious to discover how and why, in face of expert opinion to the
contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body.
Foreword to the First Edition: "We,
of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have
recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body."
Page 29, paragraph 2:
"Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we
recovered."
Page 132, paragraph 3: "We
have recovered, and have been given the power to help others."
"I don't have an alcohol
problem, I have a living problem"
Page xxiv, paragraph 2:
"In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this
physical factor is incomplete."
"Don't drink and go to
meetings."
Page 34, paragraph 2: “Many
of us felt we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease
forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature
of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter
how great the necessity or the wish.”
Page 34, paragraph 3: "Whether
such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis
depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose
whether he will drink or not."
Page 17, paragraph 2: "Unlike
the feelings of the ship's passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster
does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in
a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that
in itself would never have held us together as we are
now joined."
"This is a selfish
program"
Page 20, paragraph 1: "Our
very lives, as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others
and how we may help meet their needs."
Page 97, paragraph 2: "Helping
others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while
isn't enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may
mean the loss of many nights' sleep, great interference with your pleasures,
interruptions to your business. It may mean sharing your money and your home,
counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts,
sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any
time of the day or night. "
Page 14-15: "For if an
alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and
self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low
spots ahead."
Page 62, paragraph
2: "Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our
troubles"
Page 62, paragraph 3:
"So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise
out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme
example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above
everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it
kill us!"
"Meeting makers make
it"
Page 59, paragraph 3:
"Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of
recovery"
"I'm powerless over
people, places and things"
Page 132, paragraph 3: "We
have recovered, and have been given the power to help others."
Page 122, paragraph 3: " Years of living with an alcoholic
is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. "
Page 82, paragraph 4:
"The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of
others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been
uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We
feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough."
Page 89, paragraph 2: "You
can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others
fail."
"You're in the right
place"
Page 20-21: "Then
we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to
gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few
years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health, falling in
love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative,
this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and
troublesome and may even need medical attention."
Page 31, paragraph 2: " If anyone who is showing
inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a
gentleman, our hats are off to him."
Page 31-32: "We do not
like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose
yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking.
Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long
for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a
bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."
Page 108-109: "Your
husband may be only a heavy drinker. His drinking may be constant or it may be
heavy only on certain occasions. Perhaps he spends too much money for liquor.
It may be slowing him up mentally and physically, but he does not see it.
Sometimes he is a source of embarrassment to you and his friends. He is positive
he can handle his liquor, that it does him no harm, that drinking is necessary
in his business. He would probably be insulted if he were called an alcoholic.
This world is full of people like him. Some will moderate or stop altogether,
and some will not. Of those who keep on, a good number will become true
alcoholics after a while."
Page 92, paragraph 2:
"If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic"
Page 95, paragraph 4:
"If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other
spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience."
"If an alcoholic wants to
get sober, nothing you say can make him drink. "
Page 103, paragraph
2: "A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could
have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the
cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes
to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it."
"We must change
playmates, playgrounds, and playthings"
Page 100-101:
"Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics
are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served;
we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid
moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our
friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or
be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not
necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who
cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter
with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place
like the
"I'm a people pleaser. I
need to learn to take care of myself"
Page 61, paragraph
2:"Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind?"
"Don't drink, even if
your ass falls off."
Page 34, paragraph 2: “Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There
was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible.
This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability
to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.”
"I haven't had a drink
today, so I'm a complete success today."
Page 19, paragraph 1:
"The elimination of drinking is but a beginning. A much more
important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective
homes, occupations and affairs.”
"It's my opinion
that..." or "I don't know anything about the Big Book, but this is
the way I do it..."
Page 19, paragraph 1: "We have concluded to publish an anonymous
volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to the task
our combined experience and knowledge. This should suggest a useful
program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem."
"Don't drink, no matter
what."
Page 34, paragraph 2: “Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There
was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible.
This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability
to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.”
Page 31, paragraph 4: "We
do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly
diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled
drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not
take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may
be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your
condition."
"We need to give up
planning, it doesn't work."
Page 86, paragraphs 3-4: "On awakening let us think about the
twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we
ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from
self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can
employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to
use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking
is cleared of wrong motives.
In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to
determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive
thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are
often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a
while."
"I have a choice to not drink today."
Page 30, paragraph 3: "We
alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking.
We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times
that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were
inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and
incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of
our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period
we get worse, never better."
"If all I do is stay sober today, then it's
been a good day."
Page 82, paragraph 3: " Sometimes we hear an alcoholic
say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. Certainly he must keep
sober, for there will be no home if he doesn't. But he is yet a long way from
making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly
treated."
Page 82 paragraph 4: "We
feel a man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough."
"You
don't need a shrink. You have an alcoholic personality. All you will ever need
is in the first 164 pages of the Big Book."
Page 133, 2nd paragraph: "But this does not mean that we disregard
human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world
with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do
not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give
freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies. Try
to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never
belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are often indispensable
in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward."
“My sponsor told me that, if
in making an amend I would be harmed, I could consider
myself as one of the ‘others’ in Step Nine.”
Page 79, paragraph 2 “Reminding
ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual
experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right
thing, no matter what the personal consequences might be.”
"I need to forgive myself
first" or "You need to be good to yourself"
Page 74, paragraph 2 “ The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but
always considerate of others.”
"Take what you want and
leave the rest"
Page 17, paragraph 3:
"The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a
common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon
which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news
this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism."
"Just do the next right
thing"
Page 86, paragraph 4:
" We may not be able to determine which course to
take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a
decision."
Page 87, paragraph 1: "
Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it
is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for
this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas."
"Don't make any major
decisions for the first year"
Page 60, paragraph 4:
"(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage
our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we
decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him."
Page 76, paragraph 2:
"When ready, we say something like this: "My Creator, I am now
willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now
remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my
usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to
do your bidding. Amen." We have then completed Step Seven."
"Alcohol was my drug of
choice"
Page 24, paragraph 2: "The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons
yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink."
"Keep coming back,
eventually it will rub off on you"
Page 64, Paragraph 1: "Though our decision was a vital and crucial
step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a
strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things
in ourselves which had been blocking us"
"Ninety Meetings in
Ninety Days"
Page 15, paragraph 2: "We meet frequently so that newcomers may find
the fellowship they seek."
Page 19, paragraph 2: "None
of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness
would be increased if we did."
Page 59, paragraph 3:
"Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of
recovery"
"You only work one step a
year" "Take your time to work the steps"
Page 569, paragraph
3: What often takes place in a few months can hardly be brought about by himself
alone."
Page 63, paragraph3: "Next
we launched on a course of vigorous action."
Page 74, paragraph 2: "If
that is so, this step may be postponed, only, however, if we hold ourselves in
complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity"
Page 75, paragraph 3: "Returning
home we find a place where we can be quiet for AN HOUR, carefully reviewing
what we have done."
"You need to stay in those feelings and really feel them."
Page 84, paragraph 2: "When these crop up, we ask God at once to
remove them."
"There are no musts in
this program."
Page 99, paragraph 1:
"it must be done if any results are to be expected."
Page 99, paragraph 2: "we
must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a
spree."
Page 99, paragraph 3: "it
must be on a better basis, since the former did not work."
Page 83, paragraph 1:
"Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the
lead."
Page 83, paragraph 2:
"We must remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic
out of anyone."
Page 74, paragraph 1:
"Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires
confession must, and of course, will want to go to the properly appointed
authority whose duty it is to receive it."
Page 74, paragraph 2:
"The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but
always considerate of others."
Page 75, paragraph 1: " But we must not use this as a mere excuse to
postpone."
Page 85, paragraph 3: " But we must go further and that means more
action."
Page 85, paragraph 2: " Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of
God's will into all of our activities."
Page 85, paragraph 2:
"These are thoughts which must go with us constantly."
Page 80, paragraph 1:
" If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to
help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink."
Page 14, paragraph 2: " I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who
presides over us all."
Page 62, paragraph 3: " Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this
selfishness. We must, or it kills us!"
Page 144, paragraph 3:
"The man must decide for himself."
Page 89, paragraph 2:
"To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness
vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this
is an experience you must not miss."
Page 33, paragraph 3: " If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no
reservation of any kind"
Page 79, paragraph 2:
"We must not shrink at anything."
Page 86, paragraph 2:
"But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid
reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others."
Page 120, paragraph 2:
"he must redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive."
Page 152, paragraph 2:
"I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I?"
Page 95, paragraph 3:
"he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on"
Page 95, paragraph 3:
"If he is to find God, the desire must come from within."
Page 159, paragraph 3:
"Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain
sober, that motive became secondary."
Page 156, paragraph 3: " Both saw that they must keep spiritually active.
"
Page 130, paragraph 2:
"that is where our work must be done."
Page 82, paragraph 3:
"Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he
doesn't."
Page 143, paragraph 2:
"he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart"
Page 69, paragraph 4:
"Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward
it."
Page 69, paragraph 4:
"We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm"
Page 44, paragraph 3: "we
had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life - or
else."
Page 78, paragraph 3:
"We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for
we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them."
Page 93, paragraph 3:
"To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish,
constructive action."
Page 43, paragraph 4:
"His defense must come from a Higher Power."
Page 66, paragraph 4: "We
saw that these resentments must be mastered"
Page 146, paragraph 4: " For he knows he must be honest if he would live at
all."
Page 73, paragraph 5:
"We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or
happily in this world."
But Remember... "When
the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must
abide by its suggestions." page 144, paragraph 3
The information on this web site represents the views of
individual members of the
Primary Purpose Group and visitors to this website and does not necessarily
reflect those of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Please disregard anything that you can't reconcile with the Big Book.
Exerpts from the Big Book reprinted with
permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Thanks to all who have
contributed:
Cliff B., Primary Purpose Group,
Dallas, Texas
Mark R., Back to Basics Group, Tokyo, Japan
Mark E., Primary Purpose Group, Spartanburg, SC
Steve L., Turning Point Group, Memphis, Tennessee
Susan, Woodland Traditional Group
Beth B., Share Our Strength Group, Detroit, Michigan
Ben S., By the Book Group, Detroit, Michigan
Bart, Utopia Group
David T, Primary Purpose Group, Spartanburg, SC
Jaimie P, We Are Family Group, Cleveland, Ohio
Jennie P
Will H.
John C.
Lea B.