Disclaimer:
I wrote this play instead of a research paper for a class on Shakespeare. It is the first and only play I've ever written, so it has many faults. I have not corrected any of them, since I have no desire to finish writing the play. So, enjoy it for what it's worth--an amusing plot, and absurd dialogue.
The Characters:
Susan Jenkins-An American studying at Oxford for a term
Deb Scott-Susan’s roommate
Ross Adams-A student at Keble College
Chris McPherson-A student at St. John’s College
Dan Walker -An American student at Susan’s college
Alice Walker-Dan’s sister, also a student at Susan’s college
The Plot:
Act 1:
Scene 1:
Susan arrives in England. She, along with Deb, starts attending St. Aldates church, and taking acting lessons at Keble College.
Scene 2:
Keble College is playing St. John’s College at soccer, and the rivalry is thick. Ross and Chris are watching the game on TV in their respective college bars. Keble College wins.
Scene 3:
Susan and Deb meet Chris at a student lunch at St. Aldates. Chris falls in love with Susan, and Deb falls in love with Chris.
Scene 4:
Susan plays Ross’s girlfriend at an acting lesson. He falls in love with her as well.
Act 2:
Scene 1:
Chris sneaks into Keble to steal a brick and is caught by Ross. Susan is walking by, and both boys attempt to ask her on a date. She declines, saying that she has too much studying to do, and leaves. Chris and Ross each warn the other to stay away from Susan.
Scene 2:
Susan and Deb have a conversation about Dan, the boy back home that Susan is in love with. Susan and Dan have been writing each other every day since she has been in England.
Act 3:
Scene 1:
Dan and Alice make plans to fly to England for Spring Break and surprise Susan.
Scene 2:
Chris and Ross decide that they need to settle who gets Susan once and for all. They decide to fight a duel, but they do not own any weapons, so they try to figure out what weapon to use. They decide to have a dancing match—the guy who dances the longest would get Susan.
Scene 3:
Ross wins the duel after dancing for 10 hours straight.
Scene 4:
At acting lessons, Ross asks Susan out, and she declines, telling him that she likes someone else back home in the States. Ross tells Chris that she doesn’t like either of them, so they give up on her.
Act 4:
Scene 1:
Dan and Alice arrive in England. Alice goes with Susan to acting lessons, and Ross falls in love with her. She goes with Susan to church, and Chris falls in love with her.
Scene 2:
Ross and Chris find out that they are both interested in the same girl again. As they are discussing the type of duel to fight this time, they decide that instead of going to all of the trouble of fighting a duel, they’ll just flip a coin. Chris wins the coin toss.
Scene 3:
Dan asks Susan to marry him during a romantic walk by the river. She accepts, and they decide to get married at the end of the term, when she returns to the States. Chris asks Alice out, but she refuses because she is in love with Ross.
Scene 4:
Dan finds out about the duel from Deb, and wonders if Susan really loves him. He disguises himself as a girl, so he can watch her interact with Ross and Chris at church and acting lessons. Alice helps him by letting him borrow some of her clothes. She also confides in him about her love for Ross.
Scene 5:
Dan goes to acting lessons, and Ross falls in love with him.
Act 5:
Scene 1:
Chris is walking by the river, and sees Deb sitting by the bank. He starts talking to her, and realizes that he has far more in common with her than he ever did with Susan or Alice. He asks her out, and she happily accepts. #9;
Scene 2:
Dan, still in disguise, writes a note, asking Ross to come to see him near the river. When Ross arrives, he finds, not the disguised Dan, but Alice. She is reading his favourite book, and they begin to discuss it. After a few hours, Ross realizes that she is the girl of his dreams, so he asks her out, and they make plans for him to come to the States for his next term. Alice tells him about Dan’s disguise, and they decide to help out Susan.
Scene 3:
Ross finds Chris, and tells him about Dan’s disguise. They decide to stage a scene with Susan. Alice brings Dan for a walk along the river, and they overhear Ross and Chris talking to Susan. They attempt to ask her out, once again, and she turns them down, telling them that her heart would always belong to Dan. Dan removes his disguise and apologizes to Susan for doubting her.
Scene 4:
The wedding! Dan and Susan get married. Deb and Chris, and Alice and Ross attend. After the weddings, the couples celebrate by holding a dance and inviting all of their friends.
Scenes from America and England in Love
Act 3: Scene 2:
Chris and Ross decide that they need to settle who gets Susan once and for all. They decide to fight a duel, but they do not own any weapons, so they try to figure out what weapon to use. They decide to have a dancing match—the guy who dances the longest would get Susan.
Scene is set in St. John’s pub, the Lamb and Flag. Chris is sitting in the pub, and Ross approaches him.
CHRIS: What brings you to the Lamb and Flag?
ROSS: I came to find you.
CHRIS: Why?
ROSS: Because I’m tired of you hanging around my girl.
CHRIS: Your girl?
ROSS: That’s what I said!
CHRIS: She’s not yours! I challenge you to a duel!
ROSS: Have you seen any camels?
CHRIS: What?
ROSS: I’m England’s official camel spotter. But I haven’t seen any in 7 years.
CHRIS: What are you talking about?
ROSS: The dead parrot
CHRIS: Isn’t that a pub?
ROSS: No, that’s the purple cow
CHRIS: Why are you talking so weird?
ROSS: I’m pretending I’m in a Monty Python movie
CHRIS: You’re nuts
ROSS: It’s Susan’s favorite movie
CHRIS: Really?
ROSS: Sure is
CHRIS: So now I know where to take her, once I have vanquished you to the Bod.
ROSS: I hate the Bod
CHRIS: That’s why you must go there [fake evil laugh]
ROSS: [fake scream of terror] Nooooo!
CHRIS: [Pulls out Ross’s homework, and thrusts it at him]
ROSS: Aren’t we supposed to fight a duel?
CHRIS: Oh yeah…then I challenge you to a homework duel!!
ROSS: Can’t you come up with anything better than that?
CHRIS: How about a chess duel?
ROSS: I hate chess
CHRIS: I love chess, and so does Susan
ROSS: She does not
CHRIS: Does too
ROSS: Does not
CHRIS: Does too
ROSS: Does not
SUSAN [sticking her head onto the stage]: I hate chess!
ROSS: See!
CHRIS: Fine…then what about a dancing duel?
ROSS: A dancing duel?
CHRIS: Whoever dances the longest will have the undisputed right to ask Susan out
ROSS: OK
CHRIS: and the loser has to spend 6 hours in the Bod taking notes for the other one
ROSS: No way…I told you, I hate the Bod
CHRIS: 3 hours?
ROSS: Forget it.
CHRIS: Fine. Tomorrow night at 7 in the Bar Med
ROSS: I’ll be there, with tights on
CHRIS: Why tights?
ROSS: Because it sounds like Monty Python
CHRIS: Oh
ROSS and CHRIS: [exit]
Act 4: Scene 5:
Dan finds out about the duel from Deb, and wonders if Susan really loves him. He disguises himself as a girl, so he can watch her interact with Ross and Chris at church and acting lessons.
This scene begins with Dan and Deb in conversation, standing in a hallway.
DAN: So, how do you like Oxford?
DEB: I like it a lot! There are lots of really nice people (and some cute guys).
DAN: Anyone in particular you have your eye on? What about those two guys who always seem to be around…Uh...Chris and um…Ross
DEB: Oh, they’re nice guys. Chris is really cute, but he isn’t interested in me. He fought a duel over Susan with Ross, and then when he lost, he asked out your sister, but she’s not interested in him either.
DAN: They fought a duel over Susan?
DEB: Yeah, you didn’t hear about it?
DAN: No…what happened?
DEB: They both liked her, so they decided to fight a dancing duel, Ross won, but Susan wouldn’t go out with him, because she was in love with you.
DAN: Oh…Well, I need to go find Alice. I’ll talk to you later.
DEB: See ya! [exits]
DAN: I wonder if Susan really loves me. If all of these British guys are asking her out, maybe she likes one of them better than me. Maybe I should make sure she really wants to marry me.
ALICE: [Walks down the hallway] Hey Bro! What’s up?
DAN: Have you heard about the dancing duel?
ALICE: Yeah, a couple of guys were nuts about Susan. So?
DAN: It just makes me wonder.
ALICE: Susan loves you.
DAN: But I need to be sure…Maybe I could disguise myself…but as what?
ALICE: I think you’re being silly.
DAN: I know…I’ll disguise myself as a girl! Alice, can I borrow some of your clothes?
ALICE: I guess…If you’re going to be an idiot, I won’t stand in your way.
DAN and ALICE: [exit]
Please Send All Comments Or Suggestions To: Ruth