Posted by Beaver [Beaver] on March 31, 1999 at 21:38:50 {ohFII14TUcS2pgVcL2CgJusvla2o4k}:
Fred, da Judge and Chuckie Russell were all running to get to the Pearly gates before they closed. Fred, hiking up the skirt to his bridal gown, began to out run the others.
da Judge: Good God, Fred! How do you manage to run so fast
in that skirt?
Fred: Well, Judge, if you would take off those six-inch heels, it might help!
Chuckie: This girdle is killing me. I can hardly breathe. I have got to stop.
da Judge: Let's rest a minute. The wedding service
doesn't start for half an hour.
Fred: OK. But just for a minute. Here, Judge, let me adjust your veil. It is getting a little cock-eyed.
Chuckie: It is starting to get dark We had better light our lamps. Where is the
oil?
da Judge: Didn't you bring any?
Chuckie: No! I thought you were going to bring it. Fred?
Fred: Don't look at me. I brought the Orchid corsages, remember?
Chuckie: Gee, Judge, no oil?
da Judge: Give it a rest. I
am having enough trouble with panty hose riding up on me without having to worry about lamp oil.
Fred (under his breath): I bet your no virgin, either.
da Judge: What did you say, Fred?
Fred: Ah......we need some virgin oil,
Judge. Here is another bride approaching, maybe we can get some from her.
da Judge to the lady: Got oil?
Virgin Mary: Not for you.
da Judge: Do I know you?
Virgin Mary: I am the Catholic that got away.
da Judge: Then
what are you doing here?
Virgin Mary: Carrying my LIGHTED lamp to New Jerusalem.
da judge grumbling to himself: Never did like Catholics.
Fred: You seemed to be striding right along. How do you manage that in all this
get-up?
Virgin Mary: Ever try a pants suit? They are very comfortable and easy to walk long distances in, but then if you had been able to light your lamps you would have been able to see that I am not wearing an, er..........dresses
like yours.
da Judge: Now she tells us.
Virgin Mary: Well, I must hurry. Don't want to be late. There is a Catholic church a few blocks back. Maybe you can get some light there. You Know, candles or something.
Fred:
Smart.......
Chuckie: Fred!
da Judge: We haven't got time to get oil. We will just have to stumble along in the dark and hope that we make it on time.
3 hours later the boys knock on the gates.
The Bridegroom: Who are
you?
Chuckie: We are the Brides from the WTS.
Bridegroom: You are too late. The service and banquet are over.
Fred: We got lost in the dark.
Bridegroom: Imagine that!
da Judge: Can we still get in?
Bridegroom: No
way! The number has been filled. By the way has anyone told you how abominable you look standing there? And where is your official wedding garment?
Fred: What garment is that, Lord?
Bridegroom: The invitation read, "Pantsuits
Only."
da Judge: We didn't read the instructions. We just assumed.......
Bridegroom: What is that grinding sound?
Chuckie: Fred's false teeth.
Bridegroom: Weep and gnash outside!
With that the boys from Bethel were
bound hand and ankle bracelet and hurled outside the gates.
Fred: Uffda!
da Judge: Uffda!
Chuckie: Uffda!