Life's short and hard, kind of like a bodybuilding elf.
If you're standing on your head, and you pull your pants down, is that really such a bad thing?
I like feminists...I think they're cute.
I don't think so, therefore, I'm probably not.
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose isn't nailed down.
I have an 8 track mind in a DVD world.
Chopped cabbage--not just a good idea...it's THE SLAW!
Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
My inferiority complex is better than yours.
What hair color do they put on the drivers license of a bald man?
Looking for enlightment is like looking for a flashlight, when all you need the flashlight for it to find the flashlight.
Illegal drugs are the chlorine in the gene pool.
That place is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore.
What could be worse than having climbed the ladder of success, only to find it is against the wrong wall?
I doubt therefore I might be.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
When he came to the foutain of knowledge, he merely gargled.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I drive by again?
Civiliaztion: Going from shoeless toes to toeless shoes.
Be alert- the world needs more lerts.
Absence make the heart go wander.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
If Milli Vanilla fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking what time it is, but not to their crotch when asking where the bathroom is?
Can good looking Eskimos be called hot?
If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?
What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect from alphabet soup?
If you're in hell and mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
What would cheese say if it got it's picture taken?
If Barbie is so popluar, then why do you have to buy her friends?
If you take an orietal person and spin him around a few times, would he become disoriented?
Can I get arrested for runing into a fire house yelling "MOVIE! MOVIE!"?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic
If love is blind why is lingerie so popular?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Many complain of thier looks, but none of their brains.
If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight.- George Gobol
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson
Talk is cheap. Barbers give it away free with haircuts.
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast and cheap!
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
The trick to flying is throwing yourself at the floor and missing.
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.