Things I Try To Write That Probably Aren't Worth Your Time
Ok...here is some stuff that I would like to call poetry and writing. some of it's depressing, some of it's happy. and all I have here is just what I consider my best work...so you haven't seen everything yet. most of it is a bunch of crap, in my humble and biased opinion. there, I wrote the disclaimer. please don't steal my work. it took me a while to write. I would also like to say that these aren't written in any order. I mean, some of you who know me, will think I wrote them at certain times in my life. it's safe to say that I did, but the most recent ones here aren't the ones that I have most recently written. I hope that makes some sense. thank you very much. remember...if you want it, ask for it. I will not tolerate pirating. this is mine. thank you very much.
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Keep walking
don't stop
if I do
he'll catch up
he is too nice
pure, honest
I am like a poison
I have the ability
to kill
kill him
I am a shadow
he is the light
he wants me
I run away
I want to be near
but my touch
my love
will burn and kill
he is mine
I am his
yet we will never be
my friend
my enemy
half my soul
half my life
I am his poison
he is my cure
I stop and let him come
we will die together
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
he doesn't exist
he is not there
he haunts my dreams
with promises of love,
devotion, trust, forever.
he says he will wait.
when I get near him
he moves to another place
on the way to him
I always trip and fall
he picks me up and dusts me off
when I go to thank him
he isn't there
he disappeared again
I�ve given up
I make a move to go on
my soul mate will never come
he follows me and taunts me more with his love
I�ve told him to leave
he says his life I nothing without me
and he dies
he leaves my dreams
and I am empty
I want him back
my heart is a shell
please, return.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
each touch was a
chemical reaction
a burning sensation
which couldn't be
described
it was a sweet pain
each moment of contact
made them want more
they were addicted
they came to be as one
this was where they knew
they wanted to be
they were consumed
by the fire
and they, as one
became the fire
it's heat being their
initial chemical reaction
they are fire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I�m completely done
finished at last
my wall is complete
now no one can get
in my wall
but there was a design flaw
as no on can ever get in,
so can I never get out.
I forgot to leave it
open for me so I can
leave
now I am at the mercy
of the wall
I know I can't break it
it's too much for me
this room is small
the wall closes in
it cuts me
like knives
I can't take the pain
please, send help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I detest it
yet to hate hate
is hatred itself
it consumes them
turns them against me
apparently, association
is equivalent to the
evil they believe exists
in the one you know
they hate me
I am despised
the radiate an
aura of black hate
they detest me
I am only one person
hated for the way I am
never be happy and nice
in their world
if you are happy
be beautiful
happiness is for the beautiful
the ugly should live in
suffering and hate and pain
love and happiness are all I need
pain and suffering hate are all I know
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
no intentions
nothing
all harmless
never saw it
never at all
never intended
yet signed, sealed and delivered
Signed in a verbal oath
sealed in virgin's blood
delivered to an
unsuspecting girl
changed
if not for the better,
changed for the future
she has become what
she feared
she obsesses
never...
never...
never an
intention
innocent
never.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
spinning in a
whirlwind of
enigmatic principles
and thought provoking
ideals
turning from innocent
to insolent
she sits with her bag
she waits
her ride will come
and take her away
new life
old name
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The oracle sees the
future.
She doesn�t answer
questions.
I never ask her.
she tells me what
she sees fit to tell.
She sees midnight
suicide.
She sees daylight
through a child�s eyes.
she sees happy
shadows in the
blinding dark.
She doesn�t tell me
why she never
sees the sky,
or the rain.
She has seen a storm
on the horizon
at the edge of
forever.
The storm is long
and hard.
She sees an end
to the storm.
It ends in a
parking lot.
Stains of rain and blood
cover the dividing lines.
Nothing is ever said
of the storm.
The parking lot
is empty.
One person stand.
The puzzling impulse
for him to fall
to his knees and weep
takes control.
He is alone,
yet comforted
by a woman from
ages past.
She picks him up
and dusts him off.
She changes his life
and the others come
to meet him.
The oracle cries
whenever she speaks.
She weeps for the
shadows that play
in the field
and for the
rain and sky
she never sees.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note to those
who care or not
may you never weep for what you have lost
may your tears never touch the earth
may I never hear the sound of your tears
and may you never forget all I have given.
*bang* she never understood her life
and she never gets a chance to try again
but then again...no one really knows.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
fly away on wings of cellophane
I missed the moon
past the existential turning point.
on to the land of shadows.
beyond Pluto.
past the end of what I know and on to the point of which I can never reach.
the round trip ticket was void half way.
I stay and make my move.
checkmate
God is dead.
they worship on.
in search of answers to questions that never needed to be asked.
see the forest for the trees and move on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this is one of my first poems that have a title...eh, just thought you should know
I have no right
I have no right to do this.
I am not special.
I am not god.
I have no right to anything.
I have no right to have beautiful friends.
I have no right to be happy.
I have no right to love you people like I do.
I have no right to have two parents that love me and want me to be happy.
I have no right to write poetry.
I have no right to have an opinion.
I have no right to see the moon and weep.
I have no right to music.
I have no right to love.
I have no rights at all.
why do I have all of these things?
I don't deserve them.
I have no right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a cloud covers the moon. the moon is the center of emotional energy in the universe. a cloud of doubt surrounds every emotion I was ever comfortable with. anymore, I can't be in solitude. I can't be reclusive. I have always been comforted by worthless concepts. now all I have left for comfort is friendship. yet I detest it for the fact that when friends hurt, I hurt. I am in love with everyone. I desire only their happiness. my life is excluded as a factor in any equation of happiness. time for self-crucifixion once more. sacrifice my life for the benefit of everyone else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
going on a trip. far away from here. never return. never look back. onward. beyond the drivway, the streets, the air, the universe. full freedom. nothing holding me back. psychics communicate to me the thoughts and desires of the living, not the dead. the desires for a new existence plagued with love, respect, gratitude, honor and trust. we all want this so badly, yet we force ourselves deeper into the bowels of despair and agony, all because we can't articulate. it's not fair to me, you, or the world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
erotic goddess.
sleep induced insanity.
lustful want.
greed of desire, being fulfilled.
sexual revolution decidedly interesting by willing participants.
ingrained ideals, trite and overbearing, thrown away for relief or torture.
all-consuming inferno.
fueled by desire, flames of passion.
spiritual cleansing by use of the fire we create.
burn down this paper world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the rain she sleeps.
Held in his arms
while the rain falls
around them
no rain can touch them
he stays till she
awakens.
Her eyes wide open now,
and she realizes
he is gone.
He, like the rain,
is something
she can always love
yet never control.
Mutual lust for
each other
and the rain,
yet they aren�t
destined to be together.
manifest destiny
wasn�t in control.
The rain rules them
both.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my bag is packed.
I�m leaving.
Taking the first step
to my destiny.
Never regretting
a thing from
my past.
Past gives me
strength.
Future gives me
hope.
Me and the road.
My path to my destiny
is paved in asphalt.
Not gold.
Not dirt.
Paint and tar and rock.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Forgive her. she�s not here.
what she lacks in conversation,
she makes up for in concentration,
imagination, magic and music.
she looks out into a distance.
And then she sleeps to the sounds
of cheap talk and loud noises.
When she wakes, runs for the void.
Falls in, and the magic is gone.
All that remains is the music she sings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dignity
Grace
Patience
Why does the goddess want these?
She is nothing of them.
She doesn�t exude them.
They are shadows of what she truly is.
They lie just beneath the surface.
They are under all the loud,
Smoky
Tactless layers.
They represent a world of what she was, is and will be.
Washing of her hands, feet and face.
She drinks of sacred water.
Comes to her temple,
And slashes her wrists.
She is immortal.
She needs the pain to feel alive.
She loves the life she leads.
She wants it always.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cyclone spins,
it's dance of
death.
old man dies
to the sound of
a flower
coming into bloom.
the preacher's daughter
slits her wrists
while he performs
a wedding ceremony
down the street.
blood drips in time
with Pachabel's
cannon.
the flower that bloomed
was placed on her
grave.
the old man dies
from a heart attack
in the cyclone.
cyclone spins,
it's dance of
death.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Haikus ~ goddess and related
Blushing goddesses
Happy in their adored homes
little temple shrine.
Happy goddesses
Lined up by the temple lake
murdered in cold blood
Lifeless goddesses
gone at last to land of dreams
never worshiped more
Faithful followers
sad and lost, without hope
die of suicide
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
what a dangerous place you dwell in! have you no idea what's going on? what is thy desire? you know you have one. don't lie to yourself and say that you live for only the happiness of others. you have something you want also. you do so much. you write the prophecies and speak the words to the letter. the goddess of time and ages past believes in you and your words. keep them sacred. you have her blessing. ~ Dream 7/18
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well, time is a fucking bitch again. she scares people into freaking out about nothing. she keeps people insane for the fact that we don't know when she will stop. she keeps changing. it's annoying. I wish it were 10 years in the future. that way I would have nothing to worry about or everything to worry about. I would see what I have and don't have. that way, I can take notes and change myself accordingly. fantastic. why can't I just be dense and know nothing. why do I have to think all the time?! why can't I be stupid for once? *sigh* forgoing all other things, she is all I have left to rely on. time, unfortunately is something I need. and I guess, from what I gather, time needs me also. so in order for her to exist, she needs people to believe in her. maybe this is just too fucked up for me and I should just quit time forever. sharp edges are fucking attractive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I flew off the bridge today,
just to see how far I could fly.
ah, the futility of it all is amazing.
just me and the tiny astronaut that spins in my head.
he explains the way the world works.
tells me where to go,
and how far in space one should travel.
explain to me this,
mister galaxy man,
if the way we are sets us for life,
can we change the way we are,
or do we just have to say we will change to get the gold star?
I mean, truly think of how often I want to change the world.
do I ever get it done, or do I back burner it for more practical, self-serving ventures?
I�m sure you can�t answer that in all honesty and still say I change.
but such is the life we lead, after all.
we can�t turn back from what has been forced down our throats at a very young age by social nazis and conforming ideals.
let�s change everything,
or at least ourselves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
we are all members of this eclectic compost pile.
decaying in this society.
holding in all that we should express.
keeping it in us and rotting from the inside out.
killing ourselves.
keeping the movement down.
keeping the movement still.
keeping the movement silent.
keeping us down.
keeping us still.
keeping us silent.
dividing us and making us sane.
taking consciousness and blinding us.
blind and deaf.
no more.
nothing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
running in circles.
continuously running.
trapped in a spinning time machine.
time goes on.
the machine keeps us trapped and chokes us.
the machine keeps us down.
the whir of the motor fan drowns out
the tumult of human oppression and death.
the machine stops anyway.
lets all of us out.
we are dead enough.
let's kill ourselves and end the dead 'life' we lead now.
end the cycle.
stop running.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
burn me,
fire.
drown me,
water.
bury me,
earth.
throw me,
air.
kill me,
life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Mirror
Here is to your stupidity.
*Bang*
Here is to your tactlessness.
*Bang*
Here is to your self-centeredness.
*Bang*
Here is to your lacking humility.
*Bang*
Here is to your superiority complex.
*Bang*
Here is to your total disregard of others.
*Bang*
Here is to your annoying ways.
*Bang*
Here is to your laziness.
*Bang*
Here is to your egotism.
*Bang*
Here is to your social ineptitude.
*Bang*
Here is to your ugliness.
*Bang*
Here is to your clumsiness.
*Bang*
Here is to your vanity.
*Bang*
Here is to your self-consciousness.
*Bang*
Here is to you, Amy Hawthorne.
*Bang*
Rest in peace and rot in hell.
Maybe now you know better than to be imperfect.
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