FINDING A PARTNER THAT SUITS YOU AND MAINTAINING THE RELATIONSHIP BY CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Sometimes when you meet someone you think the person is a perfect person for you but when you get to know that person better, you will find out his/her weaknesses or something you don’t like. There is a need for understanding the nature of human. The skill for finding a partner that suits us. We want a relationship based on trust and honesty to each other. We need to be sure to try to find a perfect match, which doesn’t mean finding a perfect person. The problem is that people want a perfect person. They think the perfect person will fix their life, the perfect person will know what they want without asking them, the perfect person will change into what they want, and they think that their relationship will remain the same for example there is no fight/ quarrel.
You can not find a perfect person because there is no such thing as a perfect person, so what we can do is find a partner that meets our most important criteria; that is what you must have in your partner, and what kind of person you must avoid because you can’t stand them. The steps that you must take are know yourself, find what you want in your partner, meet more people, observe and choose.
The first thing you must do is know yourself. You do this by asking questions to yourself such as what type of person you are, what your dream is, your value, your life styles, your personalities, your interest, your passion, your physic and other things that you want out of life.
Secondly, find out what you want in your partner. List your criteria into three parts. They are what you must have in your partner, what you can tolerate and compromise with your partner, and what kind of people you must avoid because you can’t stand them. The first is what you must have in your partner. Instinctively, a man wants a sexy woman or one who is physically attractive and a woman instinctively wants a man with financial security. But both of them, man and woman, prefer a partner who are caring, compassionate, affectionate, aware of their needs and sensitive to their moods, can give them companionship, communication and support. The second is what you can tolerate and compromise with your partner. Each person is unique so expect different opinions from your partner. Listen to your partner’s opinion and try to understand your partner’s feeling. You have to know what your partner wants. You can know what your partner wants by asking him/her or ask their friends and family. You have to tolerate and compromise with him/her to get the most out of your relationship. The third is what kind of people you must avoid because you can’t stand them. There are people that we must avoid and most of us can’t stand them such as a gambler, a drunkard, a drug abuser and an abuser.
Thirdly is meeting more people, observe and choose. Dating is a chance to observe your partner whether the person is the perfect match for you. By discussing your thought and feeling with him/her you will know him/her better. You can discuss about anything that both of you are interested in. If the person has the qualities that we want, we can not wait to meet her/him again. Choose intelligently. And remember to give just a bit of love day by day.
After you find a partner you have to know how to change a bitter fight into the right way to fight, that is a discussion to find the solution. No couple ever remains madly in love forever, through leaky toilets and broken pipe, crying babies and demanding families, business problems and debt. What happens when your love wears off? What enables your "In-Love" feeling to mature into true lasting love, capable of withstanding the ups and downs of a long- term relationship? I want to inform how to manage conflict in relationship. Next, I will explain that it is normal for disagreement to occur, and that there is a right way to fight.
First I will explain that it is normal for disagreement to occur. No two people are ever 100% compatible. If they were, they wouldn't add a thing to each other, and life would be pretty boring. But differences need to be understood in a relationship. It is natural if you face many problems with your partner because it happens anywhere. Sometimes these problems can lead into a fight. The “courtship phase “wears off, and reality sets in. After you have been with someone for a while, you also begin to know what things will start a fight. Knowing how to set someone off means you have a choice, to fight or not. Be aware when you choose to start a fight. Sometimes we must choose to disagree because we have a different opinion about the problem. Every relationship has its quarrel. Psychologists once thought that the best cure for anger was to get it out in the open and say what you think. Today, we know that letting anger out does not necessarily make you feel better. If the battle is with the one you love, it makes you feel worse.
Next I will tell you that there is a “right way” to fight. Compromising is the key. When a disagreement becomes a bitter dispute over who's right and who's wrong, things are said that you can not take back. Harsh words spoken in anger are remembered long after, corroding the relationship. Frequent battles embitter the fighters. No matter who wins, both bear the scars. You will have a problem with your partner and may get into a fight whether you like it or not. Prepare yourself to change a fight into a discussion for finding the solution. Compromise is a surprisingly difficult relationship issue, especially with people who have been single a long time. In a close, stable relationship, each partner gets his or her way about one-quarter of the time, because about half the time, you wind up compromising and no one "wins." In a good relationship, of course, the love and fulfillment you get far outweighs the autonomy you lose, so compromises come easily and happily.
Next, I will explain the process of problem solving. The first step is defining the problem. Make sure the problem is clear and specific. Express facts and feelings regarding the problem. Make sure that everyone has an equal chance to speak. All feelings are appropriate if expressed constructively. The second step is finding the solution by listing possible solutions, evaluating each proposed solution individually and deciding on a mutually acceptable solution. Everyone should have an equal opportunity to contribute and the solution should be fair for both sides. The third step is making specific plans to implement the solution. Decide who, when, how, where. The fourth is evaluating the solution. Is everyone satisfied with the outcome? If the problem remains unsolved, decide on the reason. Perhaps you were trying to solve the wrong problem. Perhaps a different solution would have worked better. Perhaps the solution was inadequately implemented.
I have told you how to find a partner that suits you and how to change a bitter fight into the right way to fight, that is a discussion to find the solution. I hope you can use this information to manage conflict in your relationships. In conclusion do not get frustrated if you have not found your perfect match. Keep on trying. Good things need time. When you realize that there is no such thing as a perfect person, you will try to learn to tolerate and compromise with your partner. If you can do this, you can solve your problems with your partner easily. Anyone can become angry because of a problem. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way--that is not easy. In a sound relationship, partners are not only tolerant of each other's imperfections, they "cover" for each other. Instead of being annoyed by their personality differences, they appreciate that their different "takes" on the world give new insights to each other and gives them strength as a team. And you can enjoy a happy life with the one you love and chose.
WHAT IS ESSENTIAL IN A LOVE RELATIONSHIP
A love relationship needs guidelines to follow to be successful just like a working relationship where there are agreements which were made to protect each person in the relationship. I want to inform you what is essential in a love relationship because everyone want to be the best at what they do; being the best for your partner is no exception. By knowing what is essential in a love relationship, you will lay a solid foundation for your love relationship. What is essential in a love relationship? They are communication, trust and time spent together.
First I will talk about
How often do you talk together? Are you both able to communicate what you want without misunderstandings?
Things change in a relationship almost on a daily basis. By communicating we try to understand each other day by day so never tell each other to shut up. You never know what type of person they are if you don’t take the chance to find out. Communication consists of:
A. Discovering their interests: "Take one night out and find out each other's needs and rules. These play a big part in relationships. For example -- some people are turned on more visually -- so presenting a flower says much more than saying, 'I love you.'
B. Expressing how you really feel: "Tell them how you really feel about them and always show them how much you love them. Tell them what makes you happy and what upsets you so your partner could make you happy and wouldn’t upset you.
C. Praising your mate: Almost everyone likes to be praised so give compliments, but don't fake it.
D. Handling Arguments
Each person is unique so you need to compromise with your partner. Resolve arguments quickly... and REALLY resolve them! Don't bring up past problems when addressing a new one. Forgive and truly forget. Arguing over the "little things" is such a waste of energy. Live each day as if it were your last.
E. Listening
Do you feel you are actually listening to what each other is saying?
Don't monopolize the entire conversation. Actually listen when your partner is speaking to you. By listening to your partner, you will know his/her thought and feeling and you might even learn something from your partner.
Second I will talk about
II. Trust
Open your heart: Often the greatest way to show your love is by giving someone your trust. Open up and tell your mate something about you that no one else knows. It's a sure fire way to let them know how special they are and how much they mean to you. Trust consists of:
A. Honesty
Be honest at all times. Don't lie or be unfaithful to your partner. Nothing can damage a relationship more than dishonesty, even white lies. In every case, honesty is the best policy. This also means... don't put yourself in situations you feel the need to lie about. Relationships are built on trust. Once broken, it's very difficult to rebuild. There is not one single relationship that will succeed in the long run if built on a lie
B. RESPECT
If you don't believe that you are good enough for your partner, then you won't be. Respect yourself by being yourself. Learn to be yourself and not to be superficial. Learn not to let what others think about you bother you. Learn to accept and respect yourself first and then other people including your partner. Treat your partner with love, kindness, and respect and not with criticism and disrespect. Everyone deserves to be treated with value and love. If you have a partner who doesn't respect you, talk to them about it. Let them know how you feel. If it's not something they are willing to change... find someone else because you'll be happier in the long run.
C. "The key is to be understanding. Your personality is something that can't quite be changed unless you want it to be, so we simply have to try to understand each other as we become closer and be comfortable with who you are, and the people who are around will be comfortable with you too!
D. Commitment
If you both are committed you will always find a way to work things out."
Third I will talk about
III. Amount of Time Spent Together
"The most important 'key' to a relationship is not worrying about how long it will last, when it will end, and enjoying every moment possible together." Amount of Time Spent Together consists of:
A. Working Towards Goals
Share responsibilities with your partner equally. You need to work together to achieve both of your dream. Rely on your partner for help and support. Support each other. Tell your partner that they can do anything if the put their mind on it. Try to do your best and try not to disappoint your partner.
B. Doing things that make the both of you happy
Do not do things just to keep your partner happy. Every time you compromise yourself in that way, a piece of your love for your partner dies. It is much better to explain to your partner that you don't feel good about certain things and work on an alternative together.
Don’t be selfish or mean by asking your partner to do things you know they don't want to do and it has no benefit to them.
C. Giving attention: "The best way to show that you love someone is to give attention to him/her such as asking your partner how was your day and giving them gift at their birthday. Just care for that person with all your might. Always be there for your partner whenever your partner needs you such as being by their side or visiting them when they are sick and helping them if they need your help. It is wonderful to know there is someone who loves and cares about you.
I have already discussed communication, trust and time spent together, which are essentials in a love relationship. In conclusion, I hope this information will be useful in your love relationship. Learn from your experience, and practice the information above, to have a successful relationship. That’s all. Thank you for listening.