04-10-00 Eastern Echo

A balance between God and the truth

"Mommy, where is God?" My eyes glaze over at the question I've dreaded since my children began approaching the age of reason. (At our house, that's around age 4.) What do I tell him? How can I tell him that I have serious doubts in the reality of a "God"? I haven't ruled out the possibility of God, but I certainly cannot claim the purity of belief that I think my mother had when I asked her that very same question. Raising children means answering the tough questions. Where is God, how are babies made, why do people kill each other? The hardest question for me has been the "God" question. The other questions can be answered with a degree of certainty, the "God" question takes a leap of faith that I've been unable to make. I've thought about enrolling them in Catholic school and attending church on a regular basis so that they will have the same framework of religious instruction that I had. But I think it would be hypocritical, pretending to embrace a religion that I've come to feel extremely uncomfortable with. How can we know if we are doing the right thing for our children? On a recent trip with my husband's family (also Catholic), I had a heated debate with my sister-in-law, Debbie, regarding a child's need for religion. When I said (a bit too loudly) that I didn't think God existed, a hush fell over the table and all eyes turned to my mother-in-law, who is solidly Catholic. She said nothing, but lowered her eyes to the napkin folded neatly in her lap. I regretted my hasty denial of all she had been raised to believe. I don't want to tell other people what they should believe, I just don't want other people telling ME what I should believe. "How," Debbie said, "can you raise moral children if you don't give them a framework of beliefs to help them navigate this difficult world?" I said, "I have given them a belief system. It just doesn't rely on doing the right thing because of possible rewards like heaven, or to avoid sin or punishment." I'm teaching them to be responsible for their actions, I'm teaching them to be kind and polite NOT because God is looking over their shoulder, but because it is the HUMAN thing to do. It is their responsibility, as members of the community of humanity, to be decent and virtuous people. I can see how religious beliefs can be a comfort and inspiration to people. I can see how the community involvement often associated with organized religious association can be a safe haven against the inconsistency of our society's values. Organized religion is just not for me, and subsequently, not for my children. No, I'm not telling my children of my uncertainty that God exists. I'm not denouncing other people's beliefs or criticizing religion within their earshot. We just try not to make it an issue in our house. We do read from the children's bible we received as a gift from my sister. We discuss the stories and try to find the lessons we might be able to learn from them. We teach them moral responsibility, but usually without the religious backdrop. One of my favorite things to say to my kids is "How would YOU feel if..." someone didn't include you in a game, someone made fun of the way you looked, someone said something mean to you. They stop what they are doing, consider it, and realize when they are being hurtful. It's worked for us, so far. We would love to give our children some religious instruction, preferably an overview of the world's religions, so if they ever feel the need to participate in organized religion they will have a base of knowledge behind them to help them make a choice. There aren't any religious instructional classes that do that. I'd want my children to study the beliefs of Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and Taoism. I'd want them to understand the differences between Protestants and Catholics, Baptists and Jews. I want them to find what is right for them, comparison shop, so to speak. When my children are a little older we will begin to offer them information about the world religions, and my husband and I will learn along with them. We want to be sure we give them a belief system that is grounded in tolerance and acceptance. Hopefully we will have set them on a path of enlightenment that will carry them through the difficult times in their lives. What else can we give to our children? We give them life, we give them love, we give them a safe place to discover who they are and a framework of beliefs designed to carry them through life in a positive manner. I'm trying to do that. I hope I'm doing the right thing. �