01-19-00 Eastern Echo

Who needs a BUDGET? Awarded BEST FEATURE COLUMN by Student Media Board for 1999-2000 season

Who needs a budget? You do, or so the experts say. Personally, I'm from the old school of day-to-day living with no regard for the future. It's much more fun and involves a lot less math. Before marriage, children, and tuition caught me in a chokehold of reality, my life was pretty predictable. Work, get money, spend money. What can be simpler than that? Oh sure, there were months when I had to forego answering my phone in case the bank was calling to ask about that overdue car payment, but overall I managed. How did I manage? You want some advice on living on the edge of financial ruin? As college students, the first goal of managing your limited monetary portfolio should be keeping your cash reserves at their highest. So, the first order of business is procuring a credit card. This is relatively easy for a college student to do, since the university welcomes these peddlers of financial freedom to set up anywhere on campus with their little tables covered with cheap swag that is supposed to entice you to sign up. Every time you see one, stop and sign the little forms. The easy life is yours with only a few false statements about your income and your John Hancock on the dotted line. Never, ever, pay for anything in cash if you can use a credit card instead. So what if the guy at the corner store looks at you with dismay when you hand him your Visa for a pack of gum. The hell with that guy-if he knew how to manage his money as well as you do, he wouldn't be working there. Keep the cash for emergencies. Like Taco Bell at two in the morning. Taco Bell doesn't take credit cards. Everything else can go on the card. Clothes, beer, food, gas, beer and Doritos. Check with your local pizzeria-some of them take credit cards now. Order from the ones who do and make sure you get several liters of Coke to go with your order. The soda vending machines in the dorms definitely DO NOT take credit cards. Instead of getting a job to help pay your college tuition you should spend your time enjoying the last little bit of freedom you'll enjoy before entering the dreaded "work force." Hey, you're only young for a short time, why waste it flipping burgers or pushing a broom somewhere? Pay your tuition with your credit card. That's what it's for, to give you the financial freedom to party all night and then sleep through your first three classes every day. Speaking of classes, why should you spend your valuable time writing those idiot term papers? There are plenty of sites on the Internet that offer term papers on various subjects for a small fee (again, payable by credit card). Let some nerdling do all that unnecessary research. A cool person like you shouldn't have to poke your head into that library more than once every other semester. All you need for any school-related work is your computer. What? You say you still don't have a fruit-colored I-MAC to match the d�cor in your dorm room! Well, grab the keys to your roommate's Chevy and head over to Best Buy. They'd be happy to take your credit card. And if you're too close to your credit limit on the old Visa, they have a very reasonable finance plan. (The financing is available to you because you HAVE a credit card already. Isn't that convenient?) While you're at Best Buy, stock up on some other small necessities of life. A kickin sound system and a library of CD's will make you the most popular person in your dorm. I've heard the new PlayStation rocks. Grab some games to go with it and you'll never be bored the night before midterms again. (All the dweebs were studying so you had to turn down the music. Oh, boo hoo for them.) Now that you're enjoying your financial freedom to the fullest you should stop and take a look around you. Admire the pizza boxes stacked around the garbage can. Would you have eaten so well if you had a budget? Not likely. You're dressed in the very latest fashions. Would a budget have allowed for a $75 pair of Nikes? I think not. You haven't been to your classes in over a month. Why should a little absenteeism affect your grade when you paid top dollar for that guaranteed "A +" paper titled "Stem Cell Research In the 21st Century." You didn't go to class, but at least you've caught up on your sleep. (Your mother is always talking about how important it is to get enough sleep.) A budget might not have affected this aspect of your life much. People with budgets rarely go to class either. Your dorm room is an electro wet dream. Computer, sound system (and library of CD's), PlayStation and all that other great stuff from Best Buy has made your room Party Central. The hotties from upstairs regularly come over to listen to music and hang out. (Your fridge is always stocked with beer, too.) Would a budget have given you so many dating opportunities? I'm thinking---HELL NO! Take a good look around you and bask in the glow of self-confidence financial freedom has given you. Look closely and see the stacks of unpaid credit card bills stuffed behind the pizza boxes. Enjoy it all today, because tomorrow it could be gone. You only live once. Who needs a budget anyway? (Linda Haffey is not an accredited financial specialist. Before attempting to live "on the edge of financial ruin" you should seek the advice of professionals---most notably, a debt counselor and a bankruptcy attorney.) �