The Long Way Home
The
second I open the door and see Spike I know something is wrong. He’s trying too hard. He looks washed out and frustrated and
tired. I grab his bags and yank him in
the door.
“What’s
wrong?”
“Well
hello to you too, luv. Yes, the trip was
fine. Sure, I could use something to
eat.”
I
watch a tiny tight smile form and wonder about the fact that it doesn’t reach
his eyes.
“I’m
sorry. Glad the trip was okay. You can help yourself to anything in the
kitchen. Now, you didn’t answer the
question. What’s wrong.”
“Nothing,
just a little peckish, that’s all.
Suppose I’m staying in the guest room?”
I
nod my head still looking at him.
Searching for any injuries that could be the cause of his unrest.
“Will
you stop staring at me like you’ve got M.D. behind your name. It’s unsettling.”
I
step back and realize that he’ll tell me in his own time. In the kitchen I set a bag of blood in the
microwave and wait for it to warm.
Pouring the warm contents into a mug I try not to grimace.
“Could
have got that myself.”
“I
know…just…”
I
stop not sure what to say. He stares
down into the mug after I hand it to him like he’s searching for answers.
“He
doesn’t want me.”
Uh,
what.
“Huh?”
“Angel,
he doesn’t want me. Tried everything I
know and he just doesn’t want me.”
“Spike,
I’m sure that…”
“Told
him I was coming here. Told him I was
gonna stay the night. He knows about
us. Never told him you’ve got company,
just kind of left it up in the air. You
know what he said. ‘Have a good time,
Spike.’ That’s what he said. Didn’t care one way or the other what I was
coming here for. Just doesn’t care what
I do or with who.”
“Oh,
Spike.”
I
don’t know what to say. How could Angel
not want Spike? I mean has Angel looked
at Spike lately. Jesus God, if Graham
wasn’t in the other room… And that’s a
thought that’s better left unsaid.
“Thinking
of moving on. Maybe to ‘Frisco. Maybe the other side of the planet.”
On
pure instinct I pull him to me in a hug.
“No,
you have try again. Tell me what you’ve
done, maybe I can help.”
I
feel his body go rigid in my arms for a brief second before he returns the hug
with more enthusiasm than necessary.
“Uh,
Spike.”
I
feel him inhale deeply several times before I feel the flat of his tongue on my
neck.
“Fuck,
you taste good. Sex and sweat.”
Oh
shit. God that voice. His voice in that low octave that screams sex
and what the hell is wrong with me. I
don’t cheat. I’m Mr. Faithful. But the image of a Xander sandwich has taken
up residence in my brain and I can’t seem to stop it. I feel the sharp nip of his teeth on my
earlobe before he’s suddenly jerked away from me by a very pissed off
Graham.
“What
the fuck is going on in here?”
“Gray,
it’s not what you think.”
“Not
what I…he had his mouth all over you.
What am I supposed to think?”
I
take Graham by the arm and pull him into the bedroom. Shutting the door I grasp his hand in mine.
”It’s just how Spike is. He’s lonely and
depressed.”
“Can’t
he be lonely and depressed on somebody else’s boyfriend.”
“He
thinks Angel doesn’t want him. He was
telling me the story and he was just so lost.
I hugged him. I wouldn’t have let
him do anything, he just needed to feel wanted.”
I
watch Grahams eyes cloud over as his hand slips from mine. Turning his back on me he runs a hand through
his short hair.
“And
you want him.”
“That’s
not what I meant.”
“You
know, it would be easier it was just some random guy who was hitting on
you. But it’s him. He means something to you. He was the first guy you were ever with.”
“Gray,
I’m not in love with him. I’m in love
with you.”
“But
he’s sexy and it’s hard to resist, is that it?”
Hmmm,
this could go somewhere.
“You
think he’s sexy?”
“I
have eyes.”
Okay,
I’ve got minimum amounts of time to think in and I have to get this right or
I’ll end up blowing the whole thing out of the water. Maybe I don’t need to do anything, maybe
Spike does.
“Why
don’t you go talk to Spike while I take a shower. Get to know him and you’ll find out how
harmless he really is.”
I
leave Graham in a rush and head for the kitchen. Once there I grab a bottle of water and pull
Spike close to whisper to him.
“He
thinks you’re sexy, run with it. You got
it?”
I
watch him smile in understanding and then I run for the shower.