WARNING:  If you liked the happily-ever-after ending then please feel free to leave this last chapter out.  Character death and angst are ahead in this last installment.  No gory death scenes, but death nonetheless.

 

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I watch him as he kneels by the grave; his whole body shaking with the force of his sobs.  My own heart knows the pain he's suffering.  Wesley died several years ago in a fight with a Mis'thak demon.  He was dead before I had the chance to save him. 

 

For nearly a week I tore the hotel to shreds.  Cordy, Gunn and Fred just cleaned up after me.  Will and Xander stayed almost two months comforting me.  Now I'll do the same for him.  Xander too died in battle.  He bled out before they reached the hospital.  Buffy and Willow stayed with Will until I arrived.  They kept him from greeting the sunrise.  For that I'll be forever thankful.

 

Both of them died fighting for what they believed in.  It doesn't make it any easier to lose them.  The ten years I had with Wes and the thirteen Will had with Xander weren't enough.  One hundred years would have never been enough when you love that deeply.

 

He stumbles to his feet wiping his eyes on his sleeve before turning and walking toward me.  When he reaches me he collapses in my arms burying his head in my neck.

 

"I can't feel him anymore."

 

"I know."

 

"Does it ever stop, Angelus, does the pain ever stop."

 

"Eventually."

 

I slide down to the grass with my back against a tree and cradle him in my arms.

 

"I can't...I can't go back to the apartment.  I've tried.  He's everywhere and nowhere at the same time and I can't even look in the bedroom."

 

I rock him gently as his tears start again.  I can remember so clearly exactly what he's feeling.  I had to have Gunn and Cordy move my clothes to another room.  I bought a new bed and furniture.  It was a year before I could go back into the bedroom I shared with Wes.  I have no words to comfort him with.  I want to tell him it gets easier, but I can't, you just lean to live with it.

 

Humans have the ability to repress memories and they're fortunate enough that over time pain fades.  Not for us.  Every single second of every single day is burned bright and deep into our minds.  My knees will still sometimes get weak when the thought that Wes is gone forever crosses my mind. 

 

He's gone quiet in my arms and I realize he's fallen asleep.  Picking him up I carry him to the car and head toward Buffy's house.  Buffy and Willow have packed all of Will's clothes and belongings for me to take.  When I pull the car up I see Willow sitting on the front step.  Shutting the door quietly I walk toward her.  I give her a brief hug.

 

"Will he be okay someday?"

 

"Yes.  It's takes a long time for us."

 

"I packed everything I thought he'd want.  I-I put a picture of them together in the small box.  What should we do with everything else?"

 

"Pack it up and put it in storage.  Everything, don't leave a single scrap of paper out.  He'll want it eventually.  Put the storage unit in my name and have them send the bills to me."

 

I hear the car door open and realize he must have come awake when I stopped. 

With halting steps he comes closer.  Willow walks quickly to him and wraps her arms tightly around him.  I hear her soft voice carry across the yard.

 

"He loved you so much.  Don't ever forget that o-or doubt it.  Everything he was, was wrapped up in you.  I'm so glad he had you."

 

I see him gently stroke her hair before kissing the top of her head.

 

"Thank you."

 

"Don't be a stranger Spike, we're your family too."

 

It warms me to know that Buffy, Willow, Giles and Dawn had opened themselves to Will after the claiming.  I was worried he would be alienated causing rough spots between him and Xander.  Buffy, Giles and Dawn come down the stairs. 

 

Buffy and Dawn hug me and Giles shakes my hand before venturing to Will.  He receives the same treatment from them as he had from Willow.  Even Giles give him a brief hug.  With one last look Will heads back to the car.  Buffy and Dawn load Will's bags into the trunk while I talk with Giles.

 

"If you need anything please call.  I don't know when he'll be able to come back."

 

"You do the same, call, for any reason."

 

"Thank you for taking care of him.  He's completely shattered now, but he will heal."

 

Willow turns sad eyes to me.

 

"Can we visit?"

 

"Yes, just give him a little time."

 

With a last look to the four of them I wave and go to the car.  Without looking back I head home.  His quiet voice startles me.

 

"Angel?"

 

"Hmmm."

 

"I don't believe in all that Christian stuff, but you did once.  Do...Do you think he went to heaven?"

 

I hear the tremble in his voice as he fights tears. 

 

"Yes, Will.  That's where all the good ones go."

 

"He's there with Wesley, then?"

 

The constriction of pain across my chest at the mention of Wes's name doesn't stop my answer.

 

"Yes.  They'll all be there eventually, together again."

 

"But not us.  Never us."

 

His voice breaks on the last word and I pull him across the car to lean against me as his tears come once again.  I don't answer him, it wasn't a question.

 

~finis~

 

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