I can't help but watch him as he sleeps. He's as beautiful in sleep as he is awake
when his eyes dance with light and happiness.
I didn't think they were ever going to leave us alone. Angel finally gave up the vigil a few hours
ago after several promises from me that nothing further would happen. I refused to leave Xander's side. I've already been away from him for too
long.
We'll be separated again, for the last time, for most of the day
tomorrow. I've been instructed to leave
him at sunrise and seek sleep in a different room. Angel will be here to explain to him where I
am and why and to explain everything that will take place tomorrow. What it really is, is the chance to give
Xander the choice to back out without having to look at me.
He unconsciously pulls me closer as he sleeps, winding his body
with mine. Good bloody thing I don't
have to breathe, I'd be suffocating. I
let my mind wander back to the hours before he fell asleep.
It took two times before he understood what I was trying to
explain. I could touch, he
couldn't. He could come, I
couldn't. At first I was afraid he
wasn't going to allow it. Xander has
never been a greedy lover. He has always
put my pleasure before his and it was difficult to get him to relax, especially
with Wes in the room. A few well placed
kisses took care of that little problem.
The taste of him lingers in the back of my throat. I can still hear him crying out as he arched
into my mouth when he came and it sends a blast of desire between my legs. I want him, but I want him to belong to me
even more. I'm worried that once Angel
explains the entire process to Xander he'll run far and fast.
The door opens and I realize it's time to go. I gently slide out from under Xander, not
wanting to wake him. Leaning down, I
brush gentle kisses across his forehead and lips. With one last look at my lover from the door,
I follow Angel to my new room.
I go to the window overlooking the city and release the breath
that I didn't realize I was holding.
Suddenly I feel arms around my waist before I'm pulled back against the
solid form of my Sire. His head rests on
top of mine and despite myself I sink into the comfort his body provides.
"You're afraid the details of the ritual will scare him and he'll
leave you."
It's not a question and it needs no answer. Angel has always known my mind and heart
better than I have.
"It's not that great of a change and you know I won't scare
him with the details. He loves you, he's
not going to leave you. Do you know they
came here with just the clothes on their backs?
Xander wouldn't even let them stop for supplies or gas. Giles was afraid they were going to run out
of gas and have to walk the rest of the way."
I let out a snort of laughter.
It sounds just like him.
"He has a one track mind."
"Yes, and that track is you.
I'm more worried about you."
I turn to look at him but he doesn't loosen his hold on me.
"What the bloody hell for, I know all the details. I've been through this before, remember."
"How could I forget?"
By the look in his eyes I know we're both remembering. I can't remember a time during my mortal life
or my unlife when anyone had taken such care with me. I realize for the first time that giving up
his claim on me isn't easy for him.
"You'll always be my Sire, you'll always be the one I go to
when the world falls down around my head.
Just because you no longer have claim to me doesn't mean I'm not
yours."
He smiles his gratitude. As
his hand comes up to cup my check I can see the desire in his eyes to kiss me,
but he's afraid I'll reject him. I lift
my head in invitation and let my eyes fall shut. I hear the low moan my submission elicits. I love Xander with everything I am, but Angel
is my Sire, the first man to take me, the first man to let me take him. And for all that's he's given me I owe him
this.
Angel and I both know that once Xander and I claim one another, I
won't seek comfort anywhere but in his arms and this may very well be the last
time Angel will have with me. When
Xander dies there's every possibility that I may watch the sunrise.
I feel his tongue sweep into my mouth and travel along my teeth
and gums before stroking my tongue out to play.
His hands lower to my hips to shift my body between his legs. As he sucks my lower lip into his mouth I
feel his hips start to rotate in a familiar rhythm that has me instantly
hard.
Pulling back he releases me completely. He takes several steps backward before
speaking.
"I'm sorry, Will."
"Guess that means you're not going to finish the job."
For a split second he looks shocked and then he laughs.
"Good thing probably, don't fancy being on the wrong end of a
pissed off watcher."
"I don't think Giles would know, much less care."
"Not him, the other one.
I don't think he'd care for me trampling on what he considers his
territory."
Angel walks past me to open the widow as I light a cigarette. He refuses to meet my eyes.
"If you want him why are up here with me?"
"Wes is just a friend."
"He wants you. Haven't
you seen the way he looks at you?"
I stop him from walking away from me by taking his arm and turning
him to face me. I can see the self-doubt
and the longing living in his eyes.
"Christ, you really don't see it, do you? Are you so blind that you can't see the guy
panting after you like a bitch in heat?
Take him Angelus, take him the way you would have years ago."
"I'm not him anymore, Will.
I can't go around taking what I want without regards for others'
feelings."
I grab his face in my hands and force him listen to me.
"You listen to me and you listen good. He wants you, demon and all and whether you
believe it or not you bloody well deserve the comfort he can give you. You fight the good fight everyday and carry around
all your burdens refusing to lean on someone.
Well, hear me, Angelus, there is someone here who wants to be that
comfort for you and don't you bloody well screw it up."
I see his lips quirk and I think that for once I may have gotten
through to him.
"After this is over and Xander and I have gone home I expect
him to get a phone call from the homecoming queen with the newest gossip. And so help me, if I don't, I'll come back
here and lock you two together in the bleedin' basement until you figure out
where to put each other's parts."
He's smiling now. A genuine
smile I haven't seen in more years than I can count. I bring his lips to mine for a small kiss
before releasing him.
"Now get out I need to sleep."
When he reaches the door he turns back to me with that silly
little grin of his.
"Will, I-"
"I know, me too Angel, me too."