Living Arrangements
I see him go down out of the corner of my eye. Rage like I've never known flows through
me. With brutal force I lop off the head
of the last Thrask demon and run to Xander's side. Buffy and
Dropping to my knees beside him I rip his shirt off and
inspect the wound. His stomach is torn open all the way across. There's so much
blood that the sight and smell of it makes me sick. I hear Red on her cell phone calling an
ambulance. They won't make it in time,
he'll bleed out before they get here. I
move to his head cradling it in my lap, stroking the hair from his face.
His eyes meet mine and I see death already clouding his
vision. His hand reaches for mine.
"I-I'm s-sorry, Spike. I-I...love you."
I hear Buffy and Willow crying. I want to scream, howl, rage at the
world. It's too soon. No. I
can stop this, he may not like it but he's not leaving me. His eyes drop closed and I hear his heartbeat
slow to an impossible pace. He's only
taking small gasping breaths now.
"Red, you still got that spell, the one you used
on Angel?"
"What?"
"The spell, the soul one, do you still have
it?"
"Yes, but why-"
"Spike, No.
You can't."
I hear Buffy's voice next to my ear.
"Don't bloody well tell me what I can and can't
do, it's not your lover laying here dying.
I'm not losing him, do you hear me, I'm not."
I throw off my duster and look at
"You've got twelve hours to figure out how to take
the clause out."
Without further words I open my wrist and hold it over
Xander's mouth.
"C'mon, luv, drink."
His eyes flutter as the first few drops land on his
lips. His tongue snakes out to catch the
moisture. Within seconds he's latched
onto my wrist and sucking greedily. His
eyes fall closed again and the harsh lines of pain disappear from his
face. Buffy gasps as she watches the
edges of the deep wound in his stomach come together and seal. I lift his body in my arms, with a last look
at Buffy and
"Be at the apartment in twelve hours, spell and
fresh blood in hand."
Once home I strip and wash him and then lie him gently
in bed. After covering him I leave the
room. I don't fool myself into not
knowing exactly what's going to happen when he wakes.
No one knows more than I, how much he didn't want
this. But I couldn't let him go, not
yet. Funny that, how I couldn't let him
go, but now I'm going to lose him anyway.
Knowing he's still out there, knowing that someday there may be a
snowball's chance in hell that he'll forgive me is so much better than never
seeing him again.
Wandering around the apartment I debate packing. Every room holds happiness for me. I can clearly recall every touch, every kiss
in the last six months shared in this apartment.
Sighing I head for the shower, too soon I'll be forced
to give all this up and all I want right now is to lie down with Xander next to
me and wrap myself around him until Buffy and Willow get here.
After toweling off I climb in bed next to him. Even in the sleep of the dead, his body curls
around mine seeking contact. I spend the
next hours touching, kissing and looking. I burn every aspect of him into my
memory.
Too soon I hear the faint knocking on the door. Extracting myself from Xander's arms I go to
the door.
I swing the door open letting them in. Both have red eyes and looks of sorrow. Shutting the door I keep my back to them and
speak before either of them have the chance.
"I'm sorry.
I know he's going to hate me, but I couldn't..."
My voice cracks and I feel the wetness gathering in my
eyes. Christ this hurts.
I feel arms wrap around me and I turn into
"Shh, he'll understand."
I shake my head.
She's wrong, he won't understand and I won't blame him for hating
me. My head snaps up at the sub-vocal
growl I hear coming from the doorway to the bedroom. Quickly releasing
When I reach him he buries his head in my
shoulder. Turning his head he gently
laps at my neck and I can't stop the shiver that runs down my spine as
desperate need floods my body.
"Now, Red."
I hold him as he nuzzles my
neck unaware of