Damnation

 

 

Shirt open to the waist, nipples exposed to the cool evening air. Exposed to Clark’s roaming mouth and tongue.  God, that mouth, teenage boys shouldn’t be allowed to have mouths like that. Hot and slick, leaving trails of moisture all over his skin.  Clark’s tongue traces the shell of his ear, down across his neck, across his collarbone. His nipples already hardening in anticipation.

 

Hot, hard hands moving over him, under him around him. Hands he adores, hands he loves, hands he wants. Clark feels good. Every part of him touching Lex, two thin layers of clothing separating them, He knows how easy it would be just let go, let Clark have what he wants.  He knows it would be good, so damn good it would probably kill him.

 

But these innocent fumblings in the barn are all he is willing to give.  All he is willing to risk of himself. He’d lose himself in Clark, he knows. He’d known it ten months ago and he knew it still. Loving Clark had been inevitable. Losing himself, that, he could prevent.

 

One hand moving to his pants, his belt being pulled through the loop.

 

“Clark, no. Stop”

 

Lex struggles to sit up, no stopping on Clark’s part, just a slowing of the tease.  One hand sliding over Lex’s trapped and swollen cock. Hot panting breaths against his stomach. God he was crazy for stopping this.

 

“Clark.”

 

Getting a hand fully beneath him Lex is able to lever himself up, almost throwing Clark to the floor in the process.

 

“What? Why, Lex, why are we stopping?”

 

Shaking hands reach for him. Eyes almost black from arousal plead with him. He can see the telltale bulge in Clark’s pants, hear the shallow breaths of arousal, can almost smell the pre-come he knows has to be leaking from Clark’s cock.  But he can’t, he just can’t do this, too much is at stake.

 

His hand shakes as he runs it across his head.

 

“Clark, you’re—“

 

“Don’t you tell me I’m not ready, Lex, Don’t you dare.”

 

Pacing now, pacing and hair ruffling. Lex knows Clark is working himself into a lather, it’s his job to cool things down.  Before he can speak Clark is back in front on him, on his knees, supine, pleading with his eyes, with his body.

 

“I’m ready, Lex. Look at me. I want you, I want you so much. I need this. I need to feel you, Lex. Not just through clothes, not just kissing, I need to touch you, all of you. Please, Lex, Please.”

 

The naked pain and desire on Clark’s face rips through Lex. He knows that feeling, that desperate need to have, something, anything.  He wants to give in, he wants to lean in to Clark, touch his lips to Clark’s and just let go. Just feel for once instead of thinking. Some days he hates thinking, hates logic and rationality. Hates the world he lives in where he can’t give the most beautiful man in the world every thing he wants.

 

“You said after I turned eighteen, well I turned eighteen almost two months ago. What are you still waiting for?  I’m in lo—“

 

“No, don’t, Clark, don’t say it.”

 

Lex is up now, his own pacing commencing.  He’s silently begging every entity he knows to keep Clark from saying those words.  Those words from that mouth will kill him. He’s never allowed them before. He won’t allow them now. If he doesn’t hear them, they don’t exist. He can pretend, fool himself into believing this is a fact finding mission for Clark. Testing his homosexual tendencies. It’s not real and it won’t hurt when it ends if he never hears those words.

 

He feels hands on his shoulders, a mouth on the back of his neck, then a tongue tracing his skull.

 

“I love you, Lex.”

 

“No.”

 

The plea whispered so softly falls on deaf ears.

 

“Yes. I love you and I want you.”

 

His head shakes back and forth, trying to make the words stop reverberating in his brain.  Trying to stop hearing them. Hands come around his waist, pulling him back into the body he wants so much.

 

“Do you love me, Lex?”

Denial is quick to his tongue, but his mouth won’t speak the words he so desperately needs to protect himself. His body starts to shake.

 

“Yes.”

 

The word feels as if it’s been ripped from him, spoken so softly only Clark could have heard him.

 

The hands move again, stroking his chest, gliding soft and slow over his nipples.  Wet heat against the side of his neck again before he feels the nip of sharp teeth. He tries to stop the moan that bite causes; ties to stop the weakening of his knees. He feels his defense faltering, feels the crack in his mental armor as if it were a crack in his physical body.  He knows even before they come what the next words will be.

 

“Do you want me, Lex?”

 

A full body shudder at that tone, thick with lust and heat, needy and demanding all at once.  He feels the last barrier fall, knows without a doubt he’s going to damn himself for eternity.

 

“God, yes. So much, Clark, so damn much.”

 

Before the last word is fully spoken he’s on his back again. Clark’s body wedged between his thighs, talented tongue tracing his teeth, the roof of his mouth, his lips. He does want this, it wasn’t a lie, wants this more than he wants air to breathe. Would give up every single thing he’s ever owned for this. Lex tries to slow his mind down, tries to record every detail because he knows he’s going to need it in the long run. When Clark walks away from him, Lex knows there will never be another, Clark will have ruined him for anyone else.  He’s going to need every one of these sense memories alone in the dark at night.

 

Teeth at his throat, nipping, sucking, leaving marks and he’s going to relish them, may even take pictures in the morning and then Clark hits the spot. The spot Lex has led him away from for months. The spot that sends Lex’s back arching and his hips tilting up and his nails digging into Clark’s back. The moan that comes out of his mouth is guttural and needy.

He feels Clark’s hips pushing back, feels the hard answering cock that’s just as desperate as his.  He can’t stop the gasp as Clark grinds down against him. Wraps his legs around Clarks’s hips and just lets Clark take him. He’s going to come in his pants, and he doesn’t care.  Lex can’t remember the last time he felt this good, the last time sex was so pure and so desperate and not calculated to gain something.

 

“God, Lex.”

 

And then Clark’s mouth is back and Lex’s nipples are being sucked into a cavern of heat and wetness, coming to stiff peaks instantly; so hard it borders on pain.  Pain he needs to ground him, to make him last because he can feel the tremors in Clark’s body, he can feel Clark losing the rhythm, knows how close Clark’s virgin body is to coming and he doesn’t want to miss a second. His eyes snap open and he stares at the beautiful site of Clark’s face pinched in need, his mouth slack, his breathing shallow, the tendons in his neck straining as he shoves harder and faster against Lex’s body.  Lex doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything more beautiful.  Clark’s eyes pop open.

 

“Lex, I, God, I…”

 

Clark’s words trail off as his breathing hitches and his hips stutter. Lex can see the shocked pleasure on Clark’s face as he realizes that he’s coming for the first time with someone other than himself.

 

“C’mon, Clark, come for me. I want to see you.”

 

Clark’s head goes back, bottom lip being bitten to stifle the noise, but Lex still hears its. Hears his name in that rough pleasure laden tone reserved for lovers. He can feel the wetness seeping through their clothes.  He wraps himself tighter around Clark and grinds up, once, twice, and then he’s sinking his teeth into Clark’s shoulder and coming harder than he ever has in his life.

 

Lex thinks that for a minute, just a minute, he may have passed out. He can feel sloppy kisses to the side of his face and neck and as much as he tries, the goofy grin he knows he’s sporting won’t go away.

 

“Say it, Lex.”

 

He doesn’t know if he can.

 

“Clark—“

 

“Say it.”

 

“I love you, Clark.”

 

He can feel Clark smile against his cheek, he can feel the tension drain from Clark’s body. Clark thinks the hard part is over. Lex knows the hard part has just begun.

 

 

 

~finis~

 

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