(This column was published in the Battle Creek Enquirer for June 26.)
It started simply enough. It was the last week in April. One day
my fianc�e, Nora, and I turned to each other simultaneously and said,
"We're ready." We had been living in apartments across the street from
one another for a year, she with her teen-age daughter and I with my
21-year-old son. Nora and I had found out that our relationship was
really made in heaven.
We originally thought about a late June wedding, but we weren't
quite sure. Nora's lease would expire April 30. My lease would expire
May 31. My son, Avi, had just gotten a job in Grand Rapids, and his
employers wanted him living there before the snow would fly. Rachel was
staying with us to finish her senior year of high school. Neither
apartment was large enough for three of us, to say nothing of room for
my two younger sons who would come to visit and who might end up living
with us. We went looking for a house to rent.
I serve two synagogues, in Kalamazoo and Battle Creek. The
Kalamazoo congregation is the larger and Nora works in Kalamazoo, so
that is where we went looking for a nice three or four bedroom home to
rent. There wasn't much decent out there in our price range. An offering
intrigued us in our price range in which the owners were looking for
long-term tenants.
Nora and Rachel went to meet the owners and look over the house
and came away enthusiastic. The owners were a young couple in their
twenties. Both had been foreign students at WMU, where they met. The
house had a three or four bedrooms depending on how you set it up. I had
a beautiful open living room - dining room - kitchen and was set on a
large lot in a nice neighborhood. Most important, the owners were
planning to be away for at least three years while he studied
engineering in Australia. I was cajoled away from my work to see the
house and meet its owners.
The house was just what we needed and the prospect of a three-year
lease just what we wanted. The most interesting thing about the entire
proposition was the young couple that owned it. WeSam came from Saudi
Arabia and Rosanna from Brazil. Neither of them was eager to return to
their home countries to live. Instead, it seemed as if their goal in
life was to become citizens of the world, valuing difference and diversity.
What a match between us! Nora came from Southern Methodist origin
and had recently converted to Judaism. I am a Jewish native of New York
who has lived in the Midwest almost all his adult life. There we were, a
Saudi Muslim, a Brazilian Catholic, a Southern girl and a New York Jew,
talking about a house together.
It was quite a talk. WeSam and Rosanna wanted to make sure that we
were reliable, would take care of the house and grounds and would pay
our rent on time to them, even when they were in Australia. We wanted to
make sure that if there was a serious maintenance emergency we had
someone local to turn to who could authorize repairs in a timely manner.
A standard off the shelf lease would not do. Writing a lease that took
account of each of our concerns was going to take time and effort.
A local attorney friend emailed me a sample lease and offered help if
we needed it. WeSam and I met for an hour and a half, went over the
lease, made modifications and additions and saved it to computer disk.
We then shared it with our partners. They suggested changes. We emailed
back and forth. WeSam and I talked again, for an hour. We again shared
with our partners. Finally WeSam and I spent three hours together and
batted what we thought was the final lease.
What took us so long? We needed to establish trust in one another, and
at first that didn't seem possible for an American Jew and a Saudi
Muslim. It didn't happen until we were each convinced that each was
listening to the other. In addition, it couldn't happen until we each
started talking about the values by which we led our lives; I about the
values of Judaism and WeSam about the values of Islam. It was only when
we were convinced that the other was a person of strong ethical values
grounded in our faith traditions that we came to trust one another. I
can vividly remember quoting Sam a verse from Psalms 85:11. "Loving
kindness and truth have met. Justice and peace have kissed," and telling
him that those were the values by which I tried to live my life: loving
kindness, truth, justice and peace." WeSam's eyes opened wide and he
quoted from the Koran to me.
Each of us was quite moved. We began to see each other as a child of
God and as a friend. We even wrote into the lease this phrase: "Both
parties agree that this lease is built on mutual trust and faith." We
now regard Sam and Rosanna as friends. We hope soon to invite them for
dinner, a vegetarian meal that will satisfy both all our dietary disciples.
Yes, it's a nice story, but what's the point, rabbi? For all my life as
an adult I have been troubled by the two understandings of covenant. One
understanding is that covenant means contract. Another understanding is
that covenant means relationship. Until working on the lease with WeSam
and Rosanna I could not put these two meanings together. They seemed
opposed to one another. Now I know different.
As WeSam and I worked on a contract our relationship developed. Out of
the experience I learned that covenant is both contract and
relationship. That applies to covenants between humans and the covenant
between God and all of humanity. We have responsibilities towards God
and God towards us, but God is also our Divine parent, loving and caring
for us from birth to death and beyond. We need God's love and we also
need God's clear expectations for our lives. God's love and God's
expectations are not separate. They are one.
We, Sam and Rosanna, thanks for helping us learn this lesson. And thanks
to God for sending us teachers in the most unexpected ways.
Rabbi Stephen Forstein
Temple Beth El, Battle Creek
Temple B'nai Israel, Kalamazoo
