2 HEADS: OUR SEQUEL BY KATIE LOUDEN Date: August 13, 2002. Scene: Sour Cream, Desert. Places: All 4 Monkees Are Floating In Sour Cream. Davy Jones: I’m floating in a sea of sour cream. Peter Tork: This could be bad for the environment. Micky Dolenz: -BURPS- Mmm… cupcakes. Mike Nesmith: Ya know, if ya took out the sour cream it would remind me of a place in Texas. -EVERYONE STARTS TO SINK- Date: August 13, 1970. Scene: The Boxing Ring. Places: Sonny Liston And Davy Are Fighting. Mike And Micky Are In The Crowd. Sonny: -PUNCHES DAVY- I don’t get to show of my smile! –PUNCH- I looked mean! –PUNCH- The movie sucked! –PUNCH- It’s rated R for Ali’s sake! –PUNCH- I didn’t get to kill any monkeys like you said I would! –PUNCH- And I was knocked out by a dumb scarecrow! –PUNCH- Micky: -JUMPS UP- What? -CROWD IS SILENT- Micky: -DARTS UP TO THE RING AND CLIMBS IN- Davy, step aside. Davy: -QUICKLY JUMPS OUT- I’m getting’ the ‘ell out of ‘ere! –RUNS OUT DOOR- Micky: Hey punk, are you feelin’ lucky? -PUSHES- Are you feelin’ lucky? Sonny: -BEWILDERED- Uh… yes? Mike: -THUMBS UP- Liston’s goin’ down. -EVERYONE STARES AT MIKE- Mike: Didn’t you guys see the first movie? Peter: -APPEARS- I’m the still the dumb one Micky. Peace. Sonny: Yeah, leave me alone. All those hate letters; the flying bricks; the girls with “shooting barrels”; it’s all too much Micky. Micky: He called me a dumb scarecrow Pete! I mean, it was OK when he was talking about other stuff, but… Sonny: Micky man, I’m a fan. Don’t hate. Peter: See now Micky? Sonny’s sorry. Micky: Yeah. I guess you’re right. Sonny: -WINCES- -TEAR- Hug? –WRAPS ARMS AROUND MICKY- Micky: -FLIPS SONNY OVER- Don’t ever call me a dumb scarecrow again! Date: August 13, 2002. Scene: Set Of “2 Heads: Our Sequel”. Places: Aaron Lohr, George Stanchev, Jeff Geddis, And L.B. Fisher Are Around A Food Table. Jeff Geddis: So does this mean there will be a “Daydream Believers: Continued”? L.B. Fisher: Probably. We left a lot unfinished anyway from what I’ve heard. -MONKEES APPEAR- Davy: Ya know, Peta’ was too peaceful. Peter: Davy wasn’t short enough. Mike: Micky was too funny. Davy: And too cute. Micky: Mike was too nice. And Davy needs to be –SHOVES DAVY-. Jeff and Mike: Such violence! George Stanchev: I saw “Head”. I didn’t get it. Aaron Lohr: I don’t think we were supposed to. Micky: I am funny, aren’t I? Aaron: -IGNORES- I like the desert scene. Micky: -QUICKLY- Well, let’s do it again, shall we? Date: August 13, 2002. Scene: Desert Scene II Too. Places: Micky. Desert. Enough Said. A.K.A. “Micky Wants Another Desert”. Micky: -FALLS IN SAND- It’s hotter than the last set! Voice: 87 degrees Dolenz. Micky: -LOOKS AROUND- Hark! Voice: Echo! I mean –CLEARS THROAT- Hark-ark-ark-ark! Micky: -GLANCES AROUND- Hey! -POINTS- It’s a soda machine! -RUNS TO MACHINE- Vanilla Coke? VoiceS: -SINGING- Things go better with Vanilla Cola! Things go better with Vanilla! Micky: -SQUINTS- -STICKS HAND IN POCKET, TAKES OUT $1- This better work! –PUTS MONEY IN MACHINE- Machine: DISNEY WORLD SODA MACHINE. $2.25 Micky: -MOUTH DROPS- What?! Voice: Do it Micky; beat up the machine. We're waiting for it. Micky: -GULPS- -SEARCHES POCKET- Another dollar! -PUTS DOLLAR IN MACHINE- Machine: 25 CENTS LEFT TO GO. Voice: No Micky. Don’t use the money. Beat up the machine. Micky: Shut up! -SEARCHES POCKETS AND PULLS THEM INSIDE OUT- -WATCHES QUARTER FALL TO SAND IN SLOW MOTION- Yes! -WIND STARTS TO BLOW HARD AND SAND FLIES EEEVERWHERE- -COIN DISAPPEARS- Voice: Uh-oh. –FOOTSTEPS HEARD RUNNING- Micky: Noooooooo! -COLLAPSES AND SEARCHES FOR QUARTER- Machine: HA HA HA HA HA! Voice: I’m back and I wasn’t the one who did that. –CLEARS THROAT- Do it Micky. Do it! Micky: -LOUD BREATHING- No no no! MICKY BERRY ANGRY! Voice: Go! Micky: -TAKES DEEP BREATH- No man. I’m ok. –WALKS OFF SET- Voice: Noooooooooo! Voices: -SINGING- Things go better when you take your Prozac! Things go better, oh yeah! Date: August 13, 2002. Scene: The Black Box. Places: Micky Is Asleep. Mike and Davy Are Playing Patty-Cake. Peter Is In The Corner Meditating. Peter: Yes master. –STAND UP- Guys! Mike: Come on Davy! Cheater! -SLAPS- Davy: How do you cheat in Patty-Cake? Mike: You slap too hard! -POUTS- Peter: Guys! Micky: -SNORES- I don’t wanna go make a new “Circus Boy”… NO! Peter: -CLEARS THROAT- GUYS! Micky: What was that Bimbo? -HOPS UP- Davy: You messed up our game. Peter: I have something to say. Davy: We know Peta’. You know nothing. Don’t go through a whole speech again now that we know that you know nothing. Peter: Actually, I was just gonna say that maybe you should kick the door open again. Mike: Ya know, we can’t even think of something original to do. We did the boxing scene and the desert scene again, with a twist. How about somethin’ different? Paul McCartney: -APPEARS- Well, maybe I can ‘elp. I mean, I was in “A Hard Day’s Night”, “Yellow Submarine”, “’Elp!” and other great Beatles’ movies, not that I’m still hanging on to them or anything. Peter: He’s right you know. Paul: -NODS- Mike: Wait now. How did you get in here? Paul: Through the door. Mike, Micky, and Peter: What door? Paul: -POINTS INTO DARKNESS- -RAISES EYEBROWS SUSPICIOUSLY- It’s ova’ there mates. -FOUR MONKEES STARE AT EACH OTHER AND RACEEE INTO THE DARKNESS- Micky: Hey! Who hit me? Mike: Don’t even… ugh! Who kicked me? Peter: I think that was I. Sorr… ow! Davy: Let me tell you guys something! Four ‘eads may seem better than one, but your three piss me off! -SILENCE- Paul: Now that’s a movie I’d like to be in. Oh, I am. -FOUR MONKEES APPEAR BACK IN LIGHT- Peter: -POUTS- What? Micky: Geez man! Mike: Yeah! Maybe we should go back in time to when people chopped heads off. Then you wouldn’t have to deal with our heads. Davy: It’s not your ‘eads… Mike: Oh. Well, we’ll get our heads chopped off and be sure to send you the remains. Peter: That was gross Michael. He’s got something there though Davy. Davy: You shouldn’t be mad at me! Michael’s the one who doesn’t tour with us! Micky: Peter doesn’t either now dude. Davy: Oh yeah… well, Micky and I will find a way out by ourselves! Mike: Fine! Davy: Fine! Peter: Fine! Micky: Fine! Paul: Whom shall I go with then? Davy: Us! -STICKS TONGUE OUT AT MIKE AND PETER- Mike: Pete and I don’t need an ex-Beatle’s help anyway. Paul: This is intense. Four Monkees: Shut up! Jack Nicholson: -APPEARS- Guys. Guys. Guys. Peter: -GRABS JACK- We get Jack! Davy: Ay! That’s not fair! We didn’t know he would be ‘ere! Davy: -GRABS PAUL’S ARM- We’re going alone Micky. You’re just a little too wired today. Jack: Come on guys, you’ve been friends for… Micky: -PUTS FISTS UP- Paul! Davy! Put ‘em up greenies! Jack: -WIDE EYES- Screw this! The dumb scarecrow’s got his fists out! -RUNS AWAY- Micky: What did he call me? Paul: -GETS GUITAR FROM DARKNESS- -SINGS- Come togetha’ right now! All ya need is love! All: Shut up! Paul: Well… -DISAPPEARS INTO DARKNESS- Davy: Ay, where did my partner go? Micky: You scared everyone away! I can make my own movie! Mike: I’ve already done it. Peter: Geez, you don’t have to shove it in our faces Michael. -BICKER BICKER BICKER- -BLAH BLAH BLAH- -COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN- -GIANT SCREEN FLICKS ON FROM DARKNESS- Bob Raphaelson: -VOICE- Watch. Listen. Love. -CUTS OF EPISODES FLICK ON SCREEN- Micky: “Love is the ultimate trip.” Peter: “Mike, we've decided we're not gonna let you take this lying down!” Mike: “Well, we've done it again folks, another rung up the never-ending ladder of success.” Davy: “Once you're in, you're in. It's like the Mafia. Once a Monkee, always a Monkee.” -SCREEN FLICKS OFF- -SILENCE- Four Monkees: Oh! I love you guys! I can’t believe we were fighting! Oh! -AWWWWWW…- Date: August 13, 2002. Scene: Concession Stand At Baseball Game. Places: Four Monkee Staring At A Menu. Worker: You guys have been staring long enough. What do you want? Davy: A piece of cheese. Worker: -GLANCES AT MENU- I don’t think we give pieces of cheese. Peter: Corn. Mike: 6 packets of ketchup. Micky: Chips. Worker: Now that I can do. –GETS CHIPS- Peter: I want my corn! Davy: CHEESE! Mike: -WIDE EYES- -CROSSES ARMS- -TWITCH- Ketchup! Worker: -GIVES MICKY CHIPS- That’ll be $2.25… Micky: -GASPS- Memories… memories engulf me. Kill me. –POUTS- Hurt me. A distant Coke machine clicks back someone’s change. The humming of the machine sounds in my brain at night when I dream about… Coke machines. The cool feeling of the soda touching my skin, peeling away all the dry skin and leaving it wet and clean, makes me tingle. And if I drink too much it makes me tinkle. The fulfilling taste of the Cola in my mouth… the… Peter: Micky. Micky… it’s ok. –PUTS HAND ON SHOULDER OF MICKY- Micky: -CHUCKLES- Heh… you’re right. –TAKES $2 FROM POCKET AND QUARTER- Here babe. –TAKES CHIPS AND GIVES MONEY TO WORKER AND QUARTER FALLS FROM MICKYS HAND-. Nooooo! -QUARTER TWIRLS AND ROLLS UNDER FOOD STAND-. Noooo! That’s it! -KICKS STAND- Hold on. –EATS CHIP- Nooo! Mmmm… these chips are… Date: August 13, 2002. Scene: Sour Cream Desert. Places: 4 Heads Above Sour Cream. Micky: … good! -DIPS CHIPS IN SOUR CREAM- Peter: Micky! Eat the sour cream! Micky: What does it look like I’m doing? Mike: It’s our only hope! Davy: -GURGLES- Mike: One man down! Spread the chips! I’ll be the commanding officer! -PULLS WALKIE TALKIE FROM SOUR CREAM- Big Bird to Elmo. I says Big Bird to Elmo… what is your location? Micky: -TOSSES CHIPS- -THREE MONKEES EAT CHIPS WITH AS MUCH SOURRR CREAM AS POSSIBLE- Davy: I can breath! It’s not the best scent –GAGS-, but I can breathe! -FOUR MONKEES KEEP’A EATIN’- -ALL CLIMB OUT- Mike: Yahoo! Micky: I think I‘m gonna hurl. Peter: I’m full. Davy: My face! It’s all… Mike: Well, it seems like our movie has ended. 10-4. Peter: You mean begun. Voice: No, it’s the end of the beginning, so let’s get a “Head Start” on our journey into… the twilight zone… dodododododododo… LITTLE DITTY: When it’s 4 vs. you We take the cake! 1 2 3 4 Shake shake shake! AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS A MASTERPIECE:O) THANK YOU, THANK YOU.