* The were three aggies huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled, "Yeah, 45! 45!" The bartender goes down to them and asks, "45? What are you guys so excited about?" One of the aggies speaks up: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * There's an aggie, a Longhorn and a Baylor Bear that all just broke out of jail. They went to hide out in an old animal wharehouse. The Longhorn and Bear each hid in a box and the aggie hid in a bag. The Police walked in and knocked on the Longhorn box and the Longhorn replied MOO! The police said..Oh, it's just a cow. After knocking on the Bear's box the Bear replied OINK, OINK! The police said...Oh, it's just a pig. The police shook the aggie bag and the aggie said POTATOES! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Hear about the aggie 2 hours late to class? The esclator was stuck.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Then there was the aggie who was so dumb, his roommate noticed. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * What is the difference between an aggie and a carp? One is a bottom feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * So There is a Longhorn, an aggie and a Baylor Bear. They're checking in to a hotel. The Longhorn signs his name, John Doe LLP. The clerk asked what it meant and he said he was a lawyer. The Bear signed his name Jack Smith MD. Again the clerk asked what the initials meant. He said he was a doctor. Then when the aggie signed his name he signed Michael Johnson SI. The clerk, bewildered asked what SI meant. The aggie looking annoyed said he majored in civil engineering! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Did you hear about the aggie terrorist who tried to blow up the Longhorn team bus. He burned his lip on the tailpipe. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * How many aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but he gets 3 hours credit. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * The star football player for the aggies was failing his math class at the semester and had to pass his exam in order to play in the game that weekend at Kyle Field. The professor and the school board get together and decide to ask him one question at halftime of the game. If the aggie answers the question correctly, he passes and can play. However, if he answers incorrectly he fails the course and is ineligible. Well the game finally rolls around and everyone is anxious about the question. At halftime the player and his professor go to the center of the field and over the loudspeaker the professor asks the question "What is two plus two?" The aggie thinks and thinks, finally he asks the professor if he can use a calculator. The professor says "No, your time is up". In desperation the aggie shouts into the microphone "Four!" With that Kyle Field erupts into the chant of "Give him another chance, give him another chance!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * A Longhorn, a Techster and an aggie went into a bar for a drink. The longhorn tells the bartender, I'll have a tc. The bartender says "what's that?" . The Longhorn says "you know, a tom collins." The Techster says "I'll have a pc." The bartender says ''what's that?" The Techster says "a pina colida." The aggie says "I'll have a 15." The bartender says ''what's that?" The aggie says "you know -- seven & seven". ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Q: Whats the difference between an Aggie and Rice crispies? A: Ricecrispies know what to do in a bowl. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase? On the aggie campus, because that's the last place you'll find a football player. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * What does Corey Pullig and Jim Bakker have in common? They both can get 70,000 people jump to their feet and yell "Jesus Christ" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Did you know that Adam was an aggie? He had to be because he was eating an apple while sitting next to a naked lady. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Ya know how to drive an aggie crazy? Stick him in a round room and tell him to pee in the corner. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * An aggie and a Longhorn were watching the news on TV. There was a film story about a girl on the ledge of a building threatening to commit suicide. The police were trying to talk her down when the Longhorn says to the aggie, "I'll bet you five dollars that she jumps." The aggie took the bet. Seconds later, the girl jumps. The aggie takes five dollars from his pocket and hands it to the Longhorn. The Longhorn says, "I can't take your money. I saw the same film clip on the 6:00 news today and knew she was going to jump." The aggie says, "I watched it, too; but I didn't think she do it a second time." ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Did you hear about the Aggie that broke his leg raking leaves? He fell out of the tree. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Did you hear that they can't have any more parties at A&M? The guy who knew the recipe for ice graduated. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * How many aggies does it take to change a flat tire? Just one . . . unless it's a blowout, then they all show up! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Why does the Aggie Corps wear uniforms made out of polyester? No virgin wool within a hundred miles of College Station! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * How many aggies does it take to eat an armadillo 3 -- One to eat it and two to watch for cars. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * How come aggies don't drink Kool-Aid? Because they can't figure out how to get 2 quarts of water in the little package. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Did you hear about the aggie that locked his keys in his car? He couldn't get his family out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * How do you keep an aggie in the shower all day? Give him shampoo that says lather, rinse, repeat. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Why do aggies keep their diplomas on their dash boards? So they can park in the handicap spaces. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Two aggies were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk, licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first aggie says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do THAT." The second aggie replies, "Yeah, me too, but I wouldn't want to try it." The first aggie asks, "Why not?" "Because," the second aggie replies, "I'm afraid the dog might bite me."