Monica Lewinsky Jokes


Q: Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
A: He couldn't giver her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.


Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.


Q: What does Monica Lewinsky have on her resume?
A: "Sat on the Presidential Staff".


You've gotta hand it to those White House interns.  They work for nothing,
even though their job really sucks.


Anagrams for "Monica Lewinsky": "Moan Licky Wenis", "A Lick Wins Money"


In the Reagan era, it was "Just Say No."
Here in the Clinton era, it's "Just Say..."


Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Marion Barry have in common?
A: They used to blow some dope.


Q: What do Bill Clinton and O.J. Simpson have in common?
A: They're both ladykillers who got off.


Clinton really has bad luck even besides all his female escapades.
He was helping Monica with her computer and it went down on him too.


An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you
sleep with Bill Clinton - 97% gave the reply, Never Again!


Clinton's defense in the White House aide sex scandal:  "I didn't come!"


Hillary Clinton is coming out with her new book,
              "It takes a village to watch my husband."


In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and
Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations wih puplishers to write a new
book about the scandal.  Working title: "All the President's Women."


Mike McCurry, White House Spokesman, just told reporters that "The President
really wants to be in a position to satisfy people with his performnace."
    - Isn't that the whole problem?


It occurred to me that for a young woman, taking a job in the White House,
these days, could be thought of as joining the "Piece Corps."


Prosecutors have agreed to spare Ted Kaczynski's life, in exchange for his
testimony of having had an affair with President Clinton.


Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 1,500 people went down on the Titanic!


Q: Why did Kenneth Starr go after Monica Lewinsky?
A: Because he though she really blew it...


Q: What movie does Bill Clinton show to seduce White House interns?
A: Free Willy


Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after having sex?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

                                ----------

"Hey Bill, I've got a perfect defense for your problem", says Vernon Jordan.

"Oh yeah, what's that Vernon?", asks Bill.

Vernon excitedly says, "Well you remember when you were being pressed about
smoking pot and you told everyone that you didn't inhale?"

Bill replied, "Yeah so what?"

"Well you convinced everyone that you didn't actually smoke pot, so if we can
convince Monica to say she didn't swallow...we've got a perfect defense".

                                ----------

There's a new game being played in Washington D.C. . . . it's called swallow
the leader.


Q: What's the difference between Nixon and Clinton?
A: Deep Throat brought down Nixon, but Deep Throat WENT down on Clinton!


Q: Why doesn't Monica eat bananas?
A: She can't find the zipper.


President Clinton said to Monica, "I didn't tell you to lie in deposition,
I told you to lie in THAT POSITION!"


Q: How did Bill reply regarding questions of "coaching" Monica's testimony?
A: "It wasn't words that I put in her mouth".