Dave Letterman's Lines of the Week
                Monday, March 17 - Friday, March 21

"Over the weekend, President Clinton was vacationing at the home of his good
friend, golfer Greg Norman, and at 1:30 in the morning, President Clinton
slips and stumbles.  The staff now, because it was 1:30 in the morning,
they're quick to point out that he wasn't drunk.  You know, I said, sure,
well, of course. If he was drunk, he would have been with a woman."

"You know, for the last three days, President Clinton, since the operation,
has been showing up to work everyday at the White House. He's got a cast,
he's got a wheelchair and he's got a note from his doctor. Coincidentally,
now, in 1968, that's exactly how he showed up at his draft board."

"But despite the serious nature of the injury and the surgery, the President
is very, very comfortable. He's using a non-narcotic muscle relaxer.  Uh, I
believe her name is Rhonda."

"Sunday night right here on CBS -- maybe some of you folks saw this -- on '60
Minutes,' there was an interview with Paula Jones. You know Paula Jones?  And
she's filed a sexual harassment suit against President Clinton.  She says in
1991, she went to then-Gov. Clinton's hotel room because she was under the
impression he had a job for her, you see.  Well, she wasn't entirely wrong."

"Anthony Lake, the nominee for director of the C.I.A., has taken himself out
of the running to be the chief of the C.I.A.  So, let's see, that's Anthony
Lake will not be the director of the C.I.A.  That's six rejections for
President Clinton.  Well, seven if you count Paula Jones."

"The hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are getting into the St.
Patrick's Day spirit. For an extra $25, they'll drive the snakes out of your
pants."