Rules For Real Women
                    50 ways to keep your estrogen flowing


 1) Don't say what you mean, ever.
 2) Tempt. Taunt. Confuse. Ignore. Repeat endlessly.
 3) Your body is the center of the universe. Never forget it.
 4) Always have female companions present with which to share wordless
    conspiration.
 5) When confronted with anything, play naive.
 6) Never purchase an item of clothing without first scrutinizing every aspect
    of its existence.
 7) Always purchase an item of clothing after first scrutinizing every aspect
    of its existence.
 8) Constantly practice the art of teasing with your body. It's always
    appropriate, and good fun for everyone.
 9) Tears are a powerful tool.
10) If a man doesn't agree that something is his fault, be patient and
    determined.  You will make him see his error one way or another.
11) Carefully lead all conversations back to the only topic that matters:
    yourself.
12) Generously bless men with your divine and inspired (and infallible)
    advice.  It's what they really want the most.
13) Pretend to talk in your sleep.
14) There is no need to ever try to be on time for anything.  The entire
    world, and time itself will stop and wait if you are not ready.
15) Men like to know all the ways they fall short in comparison to other men
    you have known.  It gives them something to strive for.
16) It's shamelessly flirting if he does it.  It's being innocently warm and
    friendly if you do it.
17) Diet cola reverses the effect of any previous indulgence. (For example,
    it's okay to eat a quart of Hagen-Dazs, just drink diet cola afterwards.)
18) Having compliments is more important than having oxygen.
19) Men like guessing.  It is their favorite game.
20) Never do anything in less than five minutes.  Not even simple things, such
    as tying your shoe, or finding your checkbook in your purse.
21) You are a virgin for life, no matter what.
22) If you want special attention, act bitchy.  Men can't resist it.
23) Jealousy is fun.  Invoke it as often as possible.
24) Life is ultimately a game, the object of which is to get what other women
    wish they could have.  Men, and everything else in life are merely part of
    the stakes in the game.
25) Never make sense.
26. Mutual commitment means that he is devoted to you, and you in turn
    recognize his devotion.
27. No one should ever see you primping (except in the car while you are
    driving.)
28. If he doesn't beg like a fool, then your work is not finished yet.
29. Wearing the same shoes two days in a row would be more embarassing than
    going out naked.
30. Grow your hair until it looks beautiful.  Then immediately have it cut
    short and force everyone to tell you that it looks even better.
31. Ask at least one trick question a day, calculated to make him see his
    unworthiness.
32. Pretend that your sense of smell is finely developed to a point beyond
    his comprehension.
33. If you do something unkind, then you should definitely make him apologize.
34. Pretend he forgot things you never told him.
35. Learn his breaking point, and take him to the edge of it regularly.  It's
    a good healthy exercise.
36. Pretend to be omniscient.
37. Let him "accidentally" see a little bit of what he wants to see.  Catch
    his wandering eyes and make him squirm with guilt.
38. If one of your friends has the same dress you have, then one of them must
    be destroyed.
39. Never drink anything without a straw.
40. Pretend you've had an erotic dream, but be mysterious about who was in it.
41. Cultivate a network of reliable spies.
42. If your tummy isn't as flat as you think it should be on a particular day
    (for whatever reason), wear something tight and complain about it.  Then
    everyone will have to tell you that you look great, and you'll feel much
    better.
43. Anything that's his is yours. Anthing that's yours is yours.
44. Don't get mad. Get even.
45. If another woman is more attractive than you, then she is a slut.
46. Dance till you drop.  If he can't keep up and you have to acquire other
    partners, that's his problem.
47. "The drinks made me do it."
48. His hands may be on the steering wheel, but you're the one driving.
49. "Logic" is meaningless in your universe.
50. Do unto others as your mood dictates.