BARS & PUBS

Pardon me miss, but I couldn't help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

I'm thinking about joining the priesthood tomorrow, just one more sin?

I'm a fertility god in some underdeveloped nations.

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fried, scrambled, or fertilized!

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but are you Elvis?

Are you religious? Good, well I am the answer to your prayers.

Now, you have tried the rest, time for Simply the Best.

Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

I've got the body of a chippendale,.... he's buried under the patio at home.

Do you know that your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour co-ordinated.

Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual 
consent. By the way, you have my consent.

You know the woman I'd forgot about for you was also a blonde.

I'm not above begging!

Aren't you my blind date for tonight?

Is your last name Gillette, because you're the best a man can get!

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

I scored on the last five nights, keep the streak alive.

I won't be happy until every woman I meet has had a orgasm.

My parents aren't home!

I've lost that loving feeling, will you help me find it?

You must be a library book 'cause I've been checking you out!

If I said you had a beautiful body would you swallow ten inches?

It's not true, but, I'm going to say "I love you" anyway.

I wrote the Karma Sutra

As she's leaving. Hey aren't you forgetting something? What? Me!

I would crawl three miles on broken glass in the freezing rain, just to sniff 
the tire tracks of the laundry truck that takes your panties away.

Hey baby, I'm ready for some FUN, I already have the F and the N, now all I 
need is U!

Didn't I do your sister?

Can I check to see if you're a natural blonde?

Would you like to dance with me, or shall I "Go fuck myself" again?

Hey baby, how about a Pizza and a lay? ... What's up? Don't you like pizza?

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

Hey...pssst....Wanna score some penis?

Excuse me, are you wearing Star Wars underware, cause your ass is out of this 
world!

I need your help. I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?

Do you shave?

I've created tidal waves in my water bed before.

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

What is a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?

My dick is on fire, would you blow it out?

Those would make great pillows!

I really would like to buy you a drink, but I don't want to be wasting my 
money, if I am not going to have sex with you tonight!

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW.

Hey baby can I borrow a quarter? I told my mom I would call her when I fell in 
love.

Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

Stand still so I can pick you up.

Let's go back to my place and get something straightened out.

If I gave you my phone number would you keep it or throw it away?

I seem to have forgotten my phone number, can I have yours?

If I wear your glasses, can I see you home?

How much did you say your name was?

I was sitting here holding a cigarette and realised I'd rather be holding you!

Are you married, or happy?

I don't want to be alone when I go to bed tonight, but I do when I wake up....

(Walk up to her back, and start fiddling with the label in her clothes.)
She will turn round and say "Hey what you doing?" and you reply, "Checking to 
see if you were made in heaven!"