SUBJ: Perry Brando?

Q. What do you get when you cross The Godfather with a lawyer?
A. You get an offer you can't understand.

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SUBJ: Stacked Deck

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer--you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.  Pretty soon,
the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and
starts designing and building improvements.  After a while, they've got air
conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty
popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So,
how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great.  We've got air conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer
is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What???  You've got an engineer?  That's a mistake!  He should
never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping
him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU
going to get a lawyer?"

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SUBJ: Justice, American Style

The following exchange happened last March 5 on the show "Politically
Incorrect," between Bill Maher, the host, and lawyer Leslie Abramson, who
defended the Menendez brothers:

Bill: When do lawyers give a damn about the facts?

Leslie: When did you or Geraldo give a damn about the facts?

Bill: You defended the Menendez kids.  What do you care about facts?

Leslie: I don't remember seeing you in the courtroom, Bill, so you
absolutely don't know anything about the trial.

Bill: I knew they blew their parents' heads off.

Leslie: No, they didn't. They didn't blow their parents heads off.

Bill: The Menendez kids didn't blow their parents heads off?

Leslie: No!

Bill: What did they do?

Leslie: They unloaded shotguns in their direction.