New company policy: You cannot work at a job that is rated higher than your
current competency level. You cannot be rated at a higher competency level
until you have worked at a job rated at that level. You can not improve your
competency level through training.

--------------------

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to
discuss it with the employees."

--------------------

A group of us got together concerning the lack of merit increases this year
(even though management got theirs).  We made up a bumper sticker and stuck
it on the Boss's new Lexus.  It reads,
                                   "How's my managing? Call 1-800-NO-CLUE!"

--------------------

We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to
inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned
above"

--------------------

One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a
project I was working on.  I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.  He
said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask
for it!"

--------------------

I worked for a Boss who sent a memo to his assistant to investigate the
possibility of cancelling the fire insurance and buying a used fire truck
for the employees to man.

--------------------

To my previous Boss of 3 painful years: I worship the ground that awaits you.

--------------------

My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only
needed corrections.  She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she
couldn't edit it.  The disk I gave her was write-protected.

--------------------

Quote from a recent interview: "You are a top flight candidate and I see
that you have a lot of education.  However, you understand, that
intelligence is not really required for this job."

--------------------

My Boss is a lot like a single sperm: there is a one-in-three-million chance
that he will ever become human!

--------------------

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say."

--------------------

How About Friday:  My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for
Monday.  When I told my Boss he said she died so that I would have to miss
work on the busiest day of the year.  He then asked if we could change her
burial to Friday.  He said, "That would be better for me."