TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE
EVERYBODY FELT SHITTY
EVEN THE MOUSE

MOM AT THE WHOREHOUSE
AND DAD SMOKING GRASS
I HAD JUST SETTLED DOWN
FOR A NICE PIECE OF ASS

WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN
I HEARD SUCH A CLATTER
I SPRUNG FROM MY PIECE
TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER

WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN
I SAW A BIG DICK
I KNEW IN A MOMENT
IT MUST BE SAINT NICK

HE CAME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL
I KNEW IN A MOMENT
THE FAT FUCKER HAD FELL

HE FILLED OUT STCOKINGS
WITH PRETZELS AND BEER
AND HAD A BIG RUBBER DICK
FOR MY BROTHER THE QUEER

HE ROSE UP THE CHIMNEY
WITH A THUNDEROUS FART
THE SON OF A BITCH
BLEW THE CHIMNEY APART

HE SWORE AND HE CUSSED
AS HE RODE OUT OF SIGHT
PISS ON YOU ALL
AND HAVE A HELL OF A NIGHT