STREAMLINING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Most people know that there are two forms of the English Language,
English-English and American-English.  Now from Europe comes news of
a brave new concept ........

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union, rather
than German, which was the other possibility.  As part of the
negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan
that would introduce Euro-English.

In the first year "s" will replace the soft "c".  Sertainly this will
make the sivil servants jump for joy.  The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of the "k".  This should clear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f".  This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.  Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful and they
should go away.

By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yar, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinashuns of leters.  After zis fifz yar, ve vil hav a reli
sensibl riten styl.  Zer wil be no mor truble or difikultis and
evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand each ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!