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 daTextBox  Q So, Michael, a lot of people may be surprised about your passion for gorilla v bear fighting. How long have you been interested in it?

A Good question. Great question in fact. It all started back in Barnsley as a young miner's lad. My dad was a miner, you know. Forty seven years down the pit without a day off sick, or a day's holiday, I could tell some tales.

Anyhow, I used to follow Barnsley football club back in the late 1950's, back when they had a team - a real team mind you, not like those nancy boys they have now. No hair gel or 'owt like that, just good honest Brylcream. Honest as the day is long.

Back then, just after the war, Barnsley's top player was Skinner Normanton, tough as old boots. He played for thirty seven years with a wooden leg, did Skinner and no-one even noticed. One day I followed him after the match to get his autograph, but what do you know, he went down the pit instead to an illegal gorilla fight. That was that, I was hooked from that point.

So you're a big fan of the gorilla then?

A Oh yes, without a doubt. Let me tell you a story from years gone by. When I was a lad growing up in Barnsley none of the houses in our street had toilets in them, either inside or out. Everyone kept gorillas instead, and housed them in the outside toilet area. You see, no one had television in those days so we had to make our own entertainment. Now then, back in those days, laddie, gorillas were gorillas, bred tough and hard, bred for mining. They would work eighteen hours a day down the pit then sup seventeen pints down at Barnsley Working Gorillas Club. Weekends were for fighting, and boy did they fight. 

I recall one gorilla, owned by Ernie Fawthrop, stood at over eleven feet tall and weighed well over thirty-five stones. He was undefeated for fifteen years till eventually he quit the fighting scene and headed off to London to make his fortune on the stage. Apparently he had a few roles in films, though none of them speaking parts of course.

Q How do you rate today's crop of gorillas then?

A Rubbish. Plain and simple, they are rubbish. Nothing but big nancy gorillas. They're not bothered about earning an honest living through toil and hardship like my generation was, all they want is to make a quick bit of money and retire to the coast. Tell me, when was the last time you saw a gorilla down a coal mine, eh?

Q So, who would win in a gorilla v bear fight?

A The simple answer is no one would, I don't think that they have the stomach for the fight. Plain and simple.
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