So I had a birthday yet again.
Now my ass is 17. What the fuck is going on? I feel exactly the same as I did last year. I've barely noticed any time pass.
Okay, let me write some about myself then. On my birthday (which was really three days ago but I'm going to upload this artcile with the date 12/10/05 which is my birthday because I'm cool.) I went to California for no reason. We had a fire and slept in a Safeway parking lot in a 2005 Hyundai Accent. Three people.
You know what article sucked? That "Goddamn vaginas" one. I just read it. Not only did I sound horny, but I also sounded like I had even less of an idea what I was talking about than usual. I guess it was supposed to be a joke, but I didn't convey that well. I said that girls never want sex. The fuck? Girls want sex all the time. The hell was I talking about? TV? Maybe I still watched television back then. I don't know.
Summary: I am not horny. Girls are.
Here are all the times I've been suspended and expelled from school:
1) That one time when I was three and I cauesed a ruckus every day. I talked about that last year on my birthday.
2) That time when I punched that chick who was two years older than me in the nose. I talked about that last year on my birthday.
3) In second grade I was skating on frozen puddles and I was asked to stop and I didn't so I got suspended. I guess they'd had enough of me.
4) In fourth grade I was suspended the day we were supposed to go camping outside in tents and it was going to be fun but I didn't get to participate.
5) In fifth grade I was suspended multiple times. One of those times I threw my friend into a garbage can because I thought it was fun but apparently he didn't. I was really close to being expelled, but I made it through the year.
6) In sixth grade I was suspended twice for allegedly beating up this kid, Stephen. One of the times he was messing with my model rocket and I told him that if he kept it up I would punch him and he knocked it on the ground so I punched him in the stomach. Another time we were playing with a frisbee and he literally fell over on his own and blamed me and I got suspended. I never got suspended for beating up Caleb, though, which I actually did.
7) At the end of sixth grade I was asked not to come back to the school next year. That's expulsion number two.
8) In seventh grade I was suspended for talking. Seriously.
9) In ninth grade I was expelled for accidently issuing one of my teachers a death threat. I was just joking around when I broke a pencil and said "this is your neck." I thought she knew I was joking because she was my favourite teacher and it was almost like we were friends. But apparently some huge guy who was the head of district security came to my school and I was expelled and my teacher threatened to never come to work again. Apparently they're always looking for ways to get rid of me in schools.
So, here's a list of all the people I've beaten up that I can think of:
1) In first grade I hit that third grade girl and pretty much destroyed her with one blow, so I count that.
2) In second grade I beat up this third grade kid, Patrick, because he ate glue and everybody thought he was weird. Good reason, eh?
3) In fourth grade, I and my twin friends, Brian and Michael, would always beat up this kid named Micah because he'd come to us every recess and charge at us with his head facing the ground so we'd just trip him and then kick him and let him get up and do it again. It was great fun and went on through fifth grade.
4) In fourth grade, this kid, Ethan, kept calling me by my last name and I told him to stop and he wouldn't so I punched him in the jaw. Also I punched this kid, Keith, for a reason I can't remember.
5) In sixth grade, I made a drawing on a computer and this kid, Caleb, scribbled all over it so it was ruined so I punched him in the back of the head. Also in sixth grade, I spent all day drawing a picture I called "Block Land" which was a bunch of three dimensional-looking blocks with letters that spelled words in a bunch of directions. Caleb stole it and ripped it up so I chased him and stomped his face from a standing position and he fell over and started bleeding.
After that I apparently matured past attacking people. Either that or I was so much bigger than other people that I didn't feel that it would be fair to use my raw force to incapacitate them of my own will. I'd totally have fought back, though, if I'd felt so inclined. Anyway, here are a few times I was attacked:
1) In sixth grade this black kid, Quentin, punched me in the face because I was allegedly "talking about his momma." I wasn't. Anyway, I just turned my head slightly and then looked back at him and kept staring at him. It was funny because I was totally tough. I got attacked by a black person.
2) In sixth grade, some kid, Adam, tried to knock me on the ground. I proceeded to interview him and ask why he did that. He actually said, "Uh, I dunno.. I guess it makes me feel tough." It was really weird. I don't know why he answered the question if he was trying to intimidate and attack me.
3) In sixth grade, some Mexican kid attacked my friend because my friend kept taunting him about his bald head. My friend was really being an idiot, but whatever. I still wanted to protect him. So the Mexican kid had my friend in a weird headlock type thing and I had just seen a TV show the previous night about how prolonged time spent in that position could knock out or even kill somebody, so I grabbed the Mexican kid and threw him against the wall. Then I ran away and the Mexican kid chased me and that black kid, Quentin, opened the door right as I got there so I dashed past him and I and the Mexican kid both got in trouble.
Well, that's a lot of shit. I'll write more tomorrow when I'm fucking 18. Seriously. Time is practically non-existant anymore. My old-ass-fuck 93 year old grandma keeps saying that the rapture is coming because the bible says that time will seem to speed up or some shit.
Also, my friend, David, has started hanging out with me again. I've known him since I was in kindergarten, and we had an approximately 8 year period of not seeing each other, so it's weird as hell that we're really good friends again. I'd put our friendship behind me and it was just a memory, so it's like he's a person from my past. It's awesome and mystical.
Later.
~Happy Bizzirthday!~
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