Early yesterday morning, Jim Brown of Great County was driving along 140th in his new BMW. He had been given order by his doctor not to drive. Several speeding police units raced by with lights flashing and sirens blaring. Being the severely epileptic man he is, James Brown went into an immediate seizure, swirved, and crashed into a speeding Cadillac.
The driver of that Cadillac was none other than Seth Johnson, the man the police had been rushing to pursue. He had just broken out of prison after being sentenced to life for several counts of murder and drug dealing charges.
The crash killed Brown on impact, while Johnson escaped with only scratches. The police quickly wrestled him to the ground and placed him under arrest. Several large bags of cocaine were found in Johnson's vehicle upon inspection. The bags were traced back to the home of Sergeant Berry, one of the senior officers at the department. After a short debate, a warrant to search Berry's house was granted and the police scoured the area. There they found more drugs, a collection of child pornography, and detailed reports of questionable communications with officer Fredrick Bush.
Upon further investigation, it was revealed that Bush was none other than our own president's astranged brother. He'd helped the former Texas governer sway the election in his favour by assassinating the real John Kerry and replacing him with a crude replica. When inquired, George W. Bush denied all such claims.
Before the accusations against Berry and Bush could be testified against in court, there was a shootout at the end of which five officers and a dog lie dead in pools of their own blood. Berry and Bush were two of them.
A few confused junkies showed up at Sergeant Berry's house, police caution tape surrounding the entire area. A few of them pulled guns and another shootout was held. Ten junkies and two officers were killed, and three more officers were wounded and rushed to the hospital for intensive care.
Yet another two officers died as they were escorting Seth Johnson in their car across a ravine to a county jailhouse. As of yet the cause of the wreck is unknown, but an anonymous officer is sure that it has something to do with the deranged look he saw in Johnson's eyes as he was being put into the patrol car.
Berry's collection of child pornography was later found to be more than just a collection. He was apparently part of a webring that distrubuted the inappropriate and illegal videos on a daily basis. The ring quickly shut itself down after another member--Sonny Dires--was tracked down and arrested at his home.
Keith Berry, the dead sergeant's son, heard of the unfortunate events that were continuously unfolding, turned himself in to the police station this morning with claims that he had organized Seth Johnson's prison break and that the two of them had also helped Berry's father sell drugs. He was handcuffed while crying and screaming, "I don't want to die!"
