I'm old. I think I spent all my years by being such a brilliant genius creative logical artistic child prodigy. Seriously. I'm already having back pains, memory problems, loss of bladder control... Just kidding about that last one.
Anyway, I was a prodigy out the ass. I was talking by the time I was eight months old. Not just like "Mama." and shit. Coherent thoughts and words. Also, I was walking at about 10 monhts. I don't know where that coordination went...
In preschool at age three, I'd boredly recite the alphabet to my teacher every day and then she'd send me off to Arts and Crafts early while the rest of my class stayed back and practiced their ABCs. That was seriously the ONLY thing they learned all year. Pathetic. I remember reading the little pamphlet thingies they gave me to give to my mother because I wanted to learn to read better. Apparently I was interested in my own education. I was a dumb kid, eh?
Anyway, as soon as I'd get done with Arts and Crafts, the rest of my class would file in. I'd wash my hands and go to Snack Time early. I'd finish right as my classmates were coming to eat. Then I'd be sent back to my homeroom alone. What the fuck kind of school was this? Anyway, I was all alone, and I'd throw shit all over the room for a half hour until my teacher brought the class back, and then I'd get in trouble. I got removed from the school during winter break for being a trouble-maker.
Those were the good old days. Not really, though. School sucked balls ever since I first set foot into a classroom. Before that I was always all, "Mommy! I wanna go to school! Blah blah, I'm a shit-stupid kid!" Why the fuck did I ever say that? Now I've been in school since age three. That sucks, dude. Seriously sucks.
I was just kidding about all that brilliant kid stuff, too. I'm sure people who are a lot dumber than me now seemed a lot smarter in their childhood.
So, it's my birthday. I guess you should know some more shit about me besides my brilliant childhood. Speaking of my childhood, I have this awesome story about me in first grade. This THIRD-GRADE girl stole the bouncy ball from me and held it over my head, and she was really pissing me off so I started crying. Then, I started threatening her with some kickass Power Ranger kung fu moves, vocal sound effects included. She just laughed at this, so I got really pissed and TOTALLY BUSTED HER FACE! She started screaming and bleeding and I ran away. I was so badass that I didn't even take the ball back. I didn't need it. I had just fucking owned a third grader, and the fact that she was a girl didn't count because there really are no genders at that age. Except that girls have cooties. Ew.
Hmm... Well, I have ADD and OCD, which is a funny combination. I'll get obsessed with something and then forget about it. I'll be compulsively arranging/cleaning something and get side-tracked. I guess it's probably funnier to me than it is to any of you, but meh. Fuck it.
Oh man. I just rambled incessantly about myself. Does that make me arrogant? I guess so. I sound arrogant out the ASS on this website, though. I don't really care. I probably am arrogant. I don't like to think so, but if I am, what am I gonna do, eh?
I think I'd like to meet Dakota Fanning. Remember the old days when child actors sucked and people only kept them around because they were cute? Those days are over. Not only is Dakota Fanning cute, but she acts better than most of the adult actors I've observed in movies. She already has such a real grasp on human behavior and emotion. She also learned to read at age two. That's respectable.
The sad thing is that she's a celebrity. Celebrities get paid to act normal, or act normal to keep getting paid. I'm not talking about NORMAL normal, though. I'm talking about admirable normal. The kind of normal that's not actually normal but everyone thinks they want to be. They display the kind of attributes everyone would like to think they also possess but don't. Every time someone says something "warm" and "heartfelt" about stupid shit that no one cares about--like civilians in third-world countries--my respect for them drops, regardless of the fact that I know half the celebrities say that stuff do it for the money and fame.
I'm not saying they shouldn't do it for the fame and money, though. Humans have got priorities. I'd probably do the same if I had to. Not for the fame, really. Fame sucks. But if I needed to be famous to be rich, I'd make do.
Just once, though, it would be nice to see a different kind of celebrity. Instead of one people pretend to compare to but actually idolize, someone they actually can understand. Someone they relate to as opposed to someone they look up to. However, that's not the way corporate society works. It depends partially upon the media to feed values to the public.
God damn. I've talked for too long. You don't care that much about me, so I'm shutting up. Happy December 10th.
~I was born.~
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