Yes, hobos and criminals: The world's finest resource.
Tired of hearing all those stupid, vegan animal protection activists whining all the time? Sick of giving YOUR tax dollars to support convicted felons' ability to have libraries, pool tables, weight sets, food, and cable television in prison? Fed up with those stupid homeless bums that just won't shut up about asking you for money?
Well now, with one simple step, all three of these problems can be solved.
Introducing...
The TEST MEDICAL AND COSMETIC PROTOTYPE PRODUCTS ON HOBOS AND CRIMINALS INSTEAD OF ANIMALS campaign. Not that I'm not all for the cruel, torturous deaths of helpless animals or anything, but some of those things I brought up earlier just won't let me sleep at night. All those PETA mofos, felons and bums romping around; personally, I think they should all just be thrown in a pit of angry/hungry animals. Unfortunately, many people probably would not go for this...
...Which is why I am offering this convinient alternative! Not convinced? Here are a few additional points I would like to make.
1) PETA people are stupid. For example: The president of PETA says in her will that she wants her body to be severed into various pieces, barbecued, and fed to someone who would have otherwise killed an animal for that particular meal.
First of all, lady, the fact is this: human meat just doesn't taste as good as animal meat. Secondly, no one wants to eat your stupid, old, dead, activist ass.
Now, since PETA people are stupid, it's obvious that the magnitude of their whining will continue to get progressively worse until everyone's lives are filled with so much bitching that they collapse on themselves and everyone will instantaneously drop dead.
2) The stupidity of the prison structure is up there with schools and court rooms. For FUCK sake! Why do these people, who have been convicted of blatantly betraying standard rules set by the elected decision-makers of the country (even if they are dumbasses), get these privileges? Why the fuck are they getting a more covinient life than some hobo who may or may not be responsible for their condition in life? And on top of that, OUR tax dollars go to support that shit? The stupidity of that is up there with that of such ridiculous lawsuits as "I put my cat in the microwave to dry it off after a bath and it exploded so the microwave company should reimburse me for my loss," or, "I broke into someone's house, somehow got locked in their garage, and had to live off catfood and Pepsi for 3 weeks, so the owners of the house should give me consolation money for the trauma I went through."
Anyway, as you can see, criminals need to have shit tested on them. The more serious the crime, the more volatile the substance. For example, a serial rapist would get the newest forms of mascara tested on him, whilst an 11-year-old who accidentally tripped and landed on a baby would have highly-experimental AIDS-vaccinations, assuming they give him AIDS before-hand (will they sterilize the needle?).
3) Bums are stupid, annoying drunkards who will never do anything for you. Why not change that. By testing things that COULD be dangerous to you on hobos, the hobos are ensuring your everyday safety. Now see? You are safe, bums have a purpose in life, and everyone is happy.
I hope you consider my TMACPPOHACIOA campaign seriously, and sign some petition. If you don't, I'll blow your brains out.
~This was my 69th article. Tee-hee. 69.~
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