I know many of you are considering becoming Dewish. In order for this to happen, you must accept the Dewity--which is the spiritual name of Mountain Dew--as It desires to accept and help you. On your path to converting to monosodism--in that, by believing in just one soda (in this case, that soda being Mountain Dew), you give your mind and body to Mountain Dew for all eternity--reciting the following oath is highly reccommended.



1) Mountain Dew deserves respect; treat each can as if It were your own child.

2) Mountain Dew is sacred and shall never be wasted; utilize It to Its full potential, and never let any go unused.

3) Mountain Dew requires acceptance in monosodism; if one does not accept Mountain Dew into one's heart, they may never experience Its power.

4) Be not greedy, but be not careless; while others must be enlightened to Mountain Dew's divine and awesome powers, not all humans are capable of withstanding Its full greatness. One must always assess another's ability to cope with such a force before unleashing the wonders of Mountain Dew upon another.

5) Thou shalt not doubt the truth of the Dewity.

6) Thou shalt never consumeth diet Mountain Dew.

Under these six commandments shall I live out my life, with all love and respect to that which is known as Mountain Dew, until the day I die.



Amen.

Now let it be known that this presentation is not being brought to you by the first Dewist. I am merely Aaron Howe's apprentice--but know of Him not by His previous, mortal name, for He is now the Grand Master of Mountain Dewism, the Pophet, whom was contacted by the Dewity Itself and whom was asked to carry out the Mountain Dew's divine plan--and only by being deemed worthy by the Pophet was I able to convey to you this passage. Plus, after writing this, I shall be moved up to a Master Of Dewism(MOD).

Dewism was conceived January twenty-eighth, two-thousand-four.

Now, as mentioned in the commandments, Thou shalt never consumeth diet Mountain Dew. Some of you are probably wondering "Why?"

Long ago, the land was owned by a single Dew: Mountain Dew. For ages, nothing went amok... Until one day...

People started doubting Mountain Dew's greatness; especially fat people. Gradually, they drank less and less Mountain Dew. Yet, as you know, one cannot survive without Mountain Dew. The fat people had to have an alternative...

Thus, they concieved diet Mountain Dew. So, you see, diet Mountain Dew is not Mountain Dew at all, but an evil duplicate spawned by the very evil which Mountain Dew itself is trying to cure.

Because of this tragic event, the Dewity created Its two children, known to some as Code Red and Livewire. Code Red and Livewire, while not being the Dewity Itself, are Its offspring and should be treated thusly.

Now that you know of the evil forces to avoid, you will now learn about the Dewish lifestyle.

A loyal Dewist must consume Mountain Dew on a daily basis. If one intentionally misses a day, he will fall ill. From that point, the only cure is, of course, Mountain Dew. If one is simply unable to attain Mountain Dew, then all is well, as long as one obtains It eventually.

If one enjoys an alternative soda moreso than one enjoys Mountain Dew, full spiritual redemption is required. Your mind and body must be cleansed of said alternative soda, and must never experience its effects again. This trap is not uncommon; the Grand Master Himself was once tempted by another soda, but He fully repented and reunited with His true soda.

Have an active relationship with the Dewity and the Pophet. The next time you're drinking a Dew, talk to Them about your day, or even ask Them how Theirs was. If you are speaking in a form* percievable enough to the Great Spirit, It might respond.

You must never doubt the Dewity. The Dewity knows and wants what is best for you. If It decides you need fat or have a low sperm count, then that is the Dewity's will. Trust the Dewity, as It knows what It's doing. No, Mountain Dew did not create the universe; Mountain Dew simply runs the universe. As long as you accept the Dewity as your one true soda, and the Pophet as Its messenger, you shall be treated well.

If you have any further questions about Dewism, you can contact the Pophet or His apprentice(me) via the following methods:

Categories The Pophet The apprentice
AOL Instant Messenger CCCTemplar Hybrid4994
MSN Messenger [email protected] [email protected]


To take the oath of Dewism and pledge your eternal love and alligiance to the Dewity and the Pophet, e-mail me at the following address: [email protected]. Put "I WANT TO BE A DEWIST" as the title of the e-mail so I will be able to recognize it. I will then add your name to the growing list below, assuming you include a name in the e-mail.

Name Date Joined Title
Aaron 01/28/04 Grand Master/The Pophet
Jordan 01/28/04 Master of Dewism (Previous Grand Apprentice)
John 01/29/04 Apprentice to Jordan
Jeff 01/30/04 Apprentice to The Pophet
Sasuke 12/20/04 Enlightened guy.
Charlie (5atan) 02/24/05 Possible stoner.
TK 03/03/05 Loyal follower.
Haven 10/24/05 Devoted latecomer.
Dakar 12/13/05 Intrepid zealot.
Farmer_Griff 12/13/05 Man of few words.
Vince Thomas 12/19/05 Total h4xx0r.
Zynoth 12/31/05 Sir Drinksalot.
Zynoth 12/31/05 Sir Drinksalot.
Joshua 12/31/05 Another guy.
Zealot009 01/13/06 Likes Mt. Dew.
TJ 01/13/06 Flavour connoisseur.
Aaron Watsdon 02/16/06 Weird last name.
Beav 03/31/06 The 19th deciple of Dewism.


*Not yet discovered.
~Believe in your Dew.~

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