I've never liked philosophers. They make it all sound so grand and simple, and then you step out into a world that's full of complications-Thief of Time

Age and wisdom don't necessarily go together. Some people just become stupid with more authority. -Thief of Time

A chocolate you did not want to eat does not count as chocolate. This discovery is from the same brand of culinary physics that determined that food eaten while walking along contains no calories. -Thief of Time

In his experience, many of the world's greatest discoveries were made by men who would be considered mad by conventional standards. Insanity depended on your point of view, he always said, and if it was the view through your own underpants then everything looked fine. -Thief of Time

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying "End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH," the paint wouldn't even have time to dry. -Thief of Time

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic -Terry Pratchett

Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. -Men At Arms

The hippo of recollection stirred in the muddy waters of the mind. -Soul Music

Only one creature could have duplicated the expressions on their faces, and that would be a pigeon who has heard not only that Lord Nelson has got down off his column but has also been seen buying a 12-bore repeater and a box of cartridges. -Mort

The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo. -Wyrd Sisters

Azhural raised his staff. "It's fifteen hundred miles to Ankh-Morpork," he said. "We've got three hundred and sixty-three elephants, fifty carts of forage, the monsoon's about to break and we're wearing... we're wearing... sort of things, like glass, only dark... dark glass things on our eyes..." -Moving Pictures

- "There's a door" - "Where does it go?" - "It stays where it is, I think." -Eric

The trouble is that things *never* get better, they just stay the same, only more so. -Eric

-"So we're surrounded by absolutely nothing. There's a word for it. It's what you get when there's nothing left and everything's been used up." - "Yes. I think it's called the bill." -Eric

- "What're quantum mechanics?" - "I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose." -Eric

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck. -Lords and Ladies

The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking. -Lords and Ladies

Scientists have calculated that the chances of anything so patently absurd [as the Discworld] actually existing are millions to one. But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances come up nine times out of ten. -Guards! Guards!

It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it," said War testily, "the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse." -- The Four Horsemen of the Apocralypse encounter unexpected difficulties

"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage." -Witches Abroad

Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the machine: 1) didn't work, 2) didn't do what the expensive advertisement said, 3) electrocuted the immediate neighbourhood, 4) and in fact failed entirely to be inside the expensive box when you opened it, this was expressly, absolutely, implicitly and in no event the fault or responsibility of the manufacturer, that the purchaser should consider himself lucky to be allowed to give his money to the manufacturer, and that any attempt to treat what had just been paid for as the purchaser's own property would result in the attentions of serious men with menacing briefcases and very thin watches. -Good Omens

They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things. -- Discworld scientists at work -Equal Rites Remember, A Dragon is For Life, Not Just for Hogswatchnight -- Motto of The Sunshine Home for Sick Dragons in Morphic Street, Please Leave Donations of Coal by Side Door. -Lords and Ladies

Nature abhors dimensional abnormalities, and seals them neatly away so that they don't upset people. Nature, in fact, abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the "Marie Celeste", and the chuck keys for electric drills. -Pyramids

Granny's remedies, made from simple, honest, and generally nearly poisonous herbs and roots, were amazing things. After one dose of stomache-ache jollop, you made sure you never complained of stomach ache ever again. In its way, it was a sort of cure. -Truckers

"He's a man of few words, and he doesn't know what either of them mean," people said, but not when he was within hearing. -The Carpet People

The people who really run organizations are usually found several levels down, where it is still possible to get things done. -Small Gods

Guilt was the grease in which the wheels of the authority turned. -Small Gods

More will come later... Stay tuned! :c)

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