Notes: Some of you might be familiar with my previous song fics and know that they are apart of a series of sorts, however, this song fic is a first time story and does not fall into the pattern set by the series, so this is definitely a stand alone story. Special thanks to HW who gave this a quick beta read.
Disclaimers: I don't own the characters, Paramount does. Maybe after I win the lotto. Hmm, oh yeah, the song used in the story is Outside by Staind, they own the rights to the song while I'm only borrowing and not making any money off of this. There is implied lesbianism in this story, so if you don't like the thought of such a notion then let me show you to the cyber door, press that button there that says back. Still here? Good, now you are rewarded with the story. Onto the show.
Wait! Don't forget the feedback. Let me know if I should keep my day job, well okay maybe not that far but let me know if you like. :)
Enjoy!
Title: Looking In
Author: Letterx
Genre: Song Fic
Pairing: T/7
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Yet another talent night party, Seven is forced to participate, and perform she does.Comments to letterx
Janeway sighed for what seemed like the umpteenth time. She always went through this every time the ship was to have a party, especially if that party was to be a talent night show. She'd tell her senior staff the news during a conference meeting, that Neelix has come up with another 'great' idea for a party and will be scheduling one in the coming days. The Captain would o course receive muffled groans and lots of rolling eyes but that never deterred her from making the next dreaded announcement. Next she'd let her entire senior staff know that it was mandatory for all of them to participate and attend the party at some point. That would soon be followed by even more groans and forced smiles as Neelix turned to look each person in the eye.
Janeway smiled at her last thought. She had to hand it to the little Talaxian, he really knew how to manipulate people. Sure everyone thought of him as being the nice, pushover alien cook but he knew how to get you to do what he wanted. He knew that if he looked at everyone seated in the conference room that at that moment no one would object to participating. No one wanted to hurt the feelings of the kindly man. Little did everyone really know that he knew that.
Suddenly the Captain was brought back to the present. Standing in her ready room was Seven arguing the point of having to participate in this social event. She had just gone through the all of the reasons why participation was required, morale, social interaction, all the other senior staff had to, it's tradition, ect. Blah blah blah. She had used this same reasoning with each of the senior staff as they had come to see her at various times throughout the day but somehow Seven, being the last to visit her, seemed to be putting up more of a fight and winning at that.
"Captain, I do not know what to perform. I have already performed the songs that I know well enough to sing at previous events with the Doctor. I can not participate in this event however, I shall attend." Seven continued her argument, hoping that a compromise would pacify Janeway. It didn't.
"Look, Seven, I understand your reasons for not wishing to do this but it is required. There's really no sense in arguing this."
"Therefore, this is an order?"
"If it has to be, then yes, Seven, this is an order."
"But I do not know what to perform."
"I have every confidence in you that you will find something suitable to sing. After all, you have three days to come up with something. I'm sure your Borg efficiency won't fail you this time either. And if all else fails, sing about how you feel." Janeway sat back in her chair behind her desk and smirked thinking that she had finally won this argument. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked up into Seven's face. Suddenly she wasn't so sure. The lanky blonde's teeth clenched and her muscles stiffened, Janeway then realized that perhaps she should not have pushed the ex-drone so much so in this endeavor. If she was this dead set against performing, then forcing her to do so would have only angered the young woman, and dealing with an angry ex-drone was not on Kathryn's list of things to do today.
"I will comply. However, you may later wish that I didn't." It was a threat, no if's, and's, or but's about it. Seven clearly resented the fact that she was being forced to participate in this talent night and she was going to make Janeway sorry that she had yet again forced her way upon the young woman. But what could Seven really do that would be so terrible for Janeway? She wouldn't do anything that put the ship in danger so the Captain wasn't worried about that. But what else? It had to be something personal, something that would affect Kathryn, not the Captain. 'Oh god, what if she plans to tell me and the rest of the crew about her feelings towards me? After all, I did tell her to sing about how she feels. She could sing about her love for me and embarrass the hell out of me and with the way she's been acting lately, always watching me, cooking me her experimental dinners, calling me to Astrometrics for routine reports, visiting me late at night for philosophical discussions, I wouldn't put it past her.' The Captain sat back in her chair after Seven had spun on her heels and stormed out of her ready room, now worried more then ever about the days to come. Having an ex-Borg pissed at you is definitely not a good thing.
_______________________________
Two days to go:
The following day found Seven sitting in the Wildman's quarters waiting for Naomi to change out of her school dress into her play clothes. But while she waited for the little Katarin, Sam Wildman decided this was an appropriate time for chit chat.
"So, Seven, I heard that all of the senior staff had to participate in the talent show coming up. I can't wait to hear you sing again, you have a lovely voice and definitely detracts from having to listen to the Doctor's ever boring opera recitals even if he still ends up playing the piano for you to sing to. So, do you know what you're going to sing this time?" Sam was seated on the couch next to Seven by the time she had asked her question.
"No. I do not know what it is I shall sing. I tried explaining to the Captain that I do not know of any other songs to sing for the upcoming talent night but she refused to just allow me to attend the party. Instead, she ordered me to participate." Seven's answer, though still carried over some of the anger she felt at the situation, was dulled some by Sam's earlier comments about her singing.
"Hmm, well, I'm sure that it won't take you long to learn a song to sing. Heck, I bet you can even learn to play an instrument in time for the party, but it sounds like you are having trouble finding a song to use. And that, in and of itself, could take the most time. The only thing I can suggest is find something that expresses your feelings, your thoughts. Go through the database and give the computer some key words to search for, like love and red, and then the computer will give you a list of songs that contain those key words. You could read the lyrics, listen to the song, and find one that you would like to sing."
"Thank you, Samantha Wildman. I believe I now can locate an appropriate song to 'express my feelings'."
"Oh can I help?" Naomi nearly begged as she came running out of her room, hearing the last bit of the conversation.
"Indeed." Seven smiled, as much as Seven ever smiles, and stood up to take hold of Naomi's hand.
"Seven? Can you make sure that Naomi is home by dinner time? She has to eat and then finish her homework."
"We will comply." Seven commented as she led the child out of the room and into the corridors. Sam had to smile. Who knew that Seven, an ex-drone, would be so good with kids and so responsible. The Ensign never worried about her daughter when out with Seven, Naomi always had a good time and was always on her best behavior with Seven. 'Perhaps Seven won't mind teaching me how she does that.' And that thought caused the brunette to laugh. 'How can the rest of the crew not see how human Seven really is? How can they still call her the ice queen and unemotional and Borg? Well at least some of the crew is beginning to come around. Torres has really opened up to Seven. It's nice to know that now she has more friends then just the Doctor and the Captain, now she has me, Tuvok, and B'Elanna. Still, I wish others would just open their eyes so that they could see the real Seven of Nine.
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One day to go:
B'Elanna smiled this big goofy grin as she watched Seven saunter away. They had yet another argument in engineering about something or other but this time it was just damned amusing to cause the ex-drone frustration at having her calculations questioned. Now a days, Torres had finally gotten over her antagonistic feelings towards Seven and found a camaraderie with her, realizing that they had a lot in common and could get along if she'd just accept Seven for the way she is. Sure Seven may still annoy the engineer beyond reason but it was not intentional it just was the way she is. Now after an argument, she didn't feel like killing someone instead she felt like...'What? What do I feel after an argument with Seven? And why can't I wait till the next time I see her? And why can't I stop smiling? Oh god, here comes Paris. Just what I need. I can't wipe this smile off my face and now he's gonna think I'm happy to see him. Ever since we broke up he's been trying to get back together with me. Why can't he just get it through his thick skull, I hate him, he makes my skin crawl, he annoys the hell out of me and not the way Seven does. Argh!'
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Talent Night:
"Let's all clap it up for the Doctor and his rendition of some opera I can't pronounce properly." Neelix said with a big goofy smile hoping to bring his audience back from the dulled state the Doctor had put them in with his rendition of said opera. "And now it's time to welcome our next performer to the stage. Next we have our resident Astrometric's officer performing a song called Outside. Seven of Nine not only will grace us with her lovely voice but I'm also told that she will be accompanying her singing with the aid of playing the guitar. She will have no help from the computer on this so let's give her a big hand, Seven of Nine."
As Neelix began to climb down from the impromptu stage he had created in the holodeck a fairly respectable applause filled the otherwise quiet room. Seems like everyone was now rightly so curious about what Seven was going to perform and why she wanted to accompany it solo with the aid of a guitar.
The young woman strode out onto the stage carrying in one hand her guitar and in the other a stole to sit on. Setting up the stole in the center of the stage she primly sat down and adjusted the microphone to rest directly in front of her along with adjusting the height so that she could sing into it. She was wearing a fairly simple black/blue dress that seemed to darken her eyes and set the stage for what was to come. Though the audience had no idea what that really was, they knew that something was definitely going to occur. Seven's eyes flared bright with normally bottled up emotions as she took in her audience. One of the first things she noticed was that Captain Janeway, sitting close to the center of the floor, flinched, most likely afraid of what might come. 'Good'. The next thing Seven noticed was B'Elanna Torres. She was standing in the back of the room, not really watching Seven but rather keeping an eye on her ex-boyfriend who was trying to make his way through the crowd and towards the half-Klingon. It was now or never. Seven took a deep breath to calm her nerves, Borg may not get nervous but Seven sure did, and sat her guitar on her lap. Leaning forward slightly she began her performance with a phrase the Doctor had taught her.
The young woman strode out onto the stage carrying in one hand her guitar and in the other a stole to sit on. Setting up the stole in the center of the stage she primly sat down and adjusted the microphone to rest directly in front of her along with adjusting the height so that she could sing into it. She was wearing a fairly simple black/blue dress that seemed to darken her eyes and set the stage for what was to come. Though the audience had no idea what that really was, they knew that something was definitely going to occur. Seven's eyes flared bright with normally bottled up emotions as she took in her audience. One of the first things she noticed was that Captain Janeway, sitting close to the center of the floor, flinched, most likely afraid of what might come. 'Good'. The next thing Seven noticed was B'Elanna Torres. She was standing in the back of the room, not really watching Seven but rather keeping an eye on her ex-boyfriend who was trying to make his way through the crowd and towards the half-Klingon. It was now or never. Seven took a deep breath to calm her nerves, Borg may not get nervous but Seven sure did, and sat her guitar on her lap. Leaning forward slightly she began her performance with a phrase the Doctor had taught her.
"Good evening. Before I begin to perform my selection I wish to inform you all that I did not desire to perform at this event. It was at the insistence of Captain Janeway that I was 'ordered' to perform. I did not know of any songs to sing at this event and was reluctant to agree to perform with that in mind. However, I was told to sing about something that related to my emotions and since then have found a selection that I will now perform for you all." Seven took a moment and looked at Captain Janeway, her last sentence spoken directly to her. "Captain, this is how I 'feel'."
Suddenly the room was plunged into darkness as the stage and house lights were dimmed. On stage a bright spotlight shone on a pair of hands that began to softly pluck at the guitar strings. The room was immediately hushed, mesmerized by the hypnotic, hard rock melody that floated through the air. All eyes were glued to the woman that slowly appeared on stage as the spotlight grew to shine on the entire woman, including that of B'Elanna's wandering gaze and of Tom's determined gaze, all movement stopped except for that which was on the stage.
And you,
Can bring me to my knees. Again.
All the times I had to beg you please,
In vein.
All the times that I felt insecure,
For you.
And I leave my burdens at the door.Seven began to sing in a low, soft voice that begged to be heard as she looked directly at the woman in which she wished would hear her words. But as Seven continued on, her voice took on a hard edge to it yet some how she managed to keep it low and hypnotic. This time her words not only for the woman she stared at, this time her first words were for the entire room.
But I'm on the outside,
And I'm looking in,
I can see through you
See your true colors,
Cause inside you're ugly,
You're ugly like me.
I can see through you,
See the real you.Seven's eyes burned into those in which she held captive in her gaze. Again Seven's voice softened.
All the times,
That I felt like this won't end,
It's for you.
And I taste what I could never have,
It was from you.
All the times that I cried,
My intentions full of pride,
But I waste more time then anyone.B'Elanna's eyes suddenly widened. At first she couldn't understand why Seven was staring so intently at her, thinking at first that maybe the young woman just needed a focal point in the audience. But that didn't explain the hurt, the pain, the longing she saw Seven pour into her gaze. B'Elanna then thought that Seven may have being singing the song just to show her how similar they were, both on the outside, both ugly, but each seeing right through the other, seeing the real person behind all that exterior armor. Maybe that's why they fought so much, because they knew how the other truly felt, they knew what it was like to live on the outside and constantly look in, they knew each other's weaknesses just as well as they knew each other's strength. But now she wasn't so sure of that theory either. 'Was that a reference to Seven biting me as the Son of K'ovok? She tasted me but could never have me? Did Seven want me? Or is this me just reading way too much into a song written how many centuries ago?' Then there's the rest of the lyrics, Seven's intentions full of pride, she probably considers pride to be an inefficient waste of time. 'Could Seven be telling me I think she's telling me? Could it be that that's what I'm hoping for?'
But I'm on the outside,
I'm looking in,
I can see through you,
See the real you,
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you,
See the real you.Again Seven's voice had gone hard, staring directly into the eyes of the woman she had come to realize that she loved. No longer singing for the rest of the room but rather trying to convey to the woman who meant the most to her, how she felt. Expressing feelings was never easy for the ex-drone, but now more then ever it was difficult to do just that in a room full of people. Those same people who had put her on the outside, those same people who had put B'Elanna on the outside. As the next verse came, Seven nearly screamed out. All her pain, all her insecurities, all her anger, all her loneliness, all her despair coming out through the song.
All the times that I've cried,
All this wasted,
It's all inside,
And I feel all this pain,
I stuffed it down,
It's back again,
And I lie here in bed,
All alone,
I can't mend,
But I feel tomorrow will be okay.By the time Seven had come to the end of the verse, she had gone from nearly screaming to a soft, gentle voice, expressing her hopes, her desires, her sadness. Suddenly her eyes showed all that sadness.
But I'm on the outside,
I'm looking in,
I can see through you,
See you're true colors,
Cause inside you're ugly,
You're ugly like me,
I can see through you,
See the real you.
The last line, merely a whisper, but one that was heard throughout the silent and stunned crowd. Not only had Seven showed the crew how much their treatment of her hurt but also that this ex-drone could feel. Sadness, loneliness, pain, fear, and love. Kathryn Janewat sat there shocked. She was so sure that Seven was going to announce to the entire crew of her lover for her captain, her mentor. Instead, she sings of her love for the chief engineer. Kathryn was hurt and felt very much betrayed. Though she didn't admit that she too harbored feelings for the ex-drone she still couldn't stop herself from secretly wishing and wanting those same feelings to be returned. And even though her heart now felt completely empty, shallow inside, being the good captain that she was only surprise showed on her face. But no one was more stunned than B'Elanna herself. She was probably the one who had hurt and tormented Seven the most. Yet her was that same woman showing her that not only was Lanna wrong about Seven not being able to feel but also wrong about how alike they truly were. Staring up into eyes as clear and as dangerous as icebergs, B'Elanna Torres was forced to really think about everything Seven just proclaimed. They really were so much alike. Both half-breeds, both outsiders, both feared and jeered among the crew, both seeing themselves as ugly, unworthy of love. 'Maybe that's where Paris and I went wrong. I jumped at the chance to be with him the moment he proposed despite that earlier that day I was ready to break up with him. I doubted anyone else could love me and took only what I could get, not what I wanted, not what I deserved. I want, I deserve more. But is Seven capable of giving that to me? Am I capable of giving that back to her?' Lanna growled out loud as she thought about just how capable Seven was. 'She's the only one I know that is willing to go toe to toe with me and not back down at all, she's not afraid of me or my Klingon strength, in fact, I bet she could even surpass my strength and really give me a fight to remember. And fight we will. I doubt we'll ever stop fighting and arguing but oh how nice it would be to make up after a fight like that.'
A fierce smile touched upon B'Elanna's lips as her legs took her where her heart and soul truly belonged, it just took her mind this long to catch up with that fact. And as Captain Janeway watched the young woman get up from her seat, instantly knowing that it was very possible for B'Elanna to return her feelings to 'her' ex-drone, her heart tore even more. A solitary tear found it's way down the Captain's cheek as she realized that she was the one who had pushed Seven right out into admitting her true feelings for the half Klingon, forever damning her own chances with the tall blonde.
It took Seven a few moments to compose herself before she even dared look up. 'Janeway asked for it and I complied.' Seven glanced over at the diminutive captain to see what her reaction to her 'performance' would be and was only slightly satisfied to see complete shock written playing across the normally impassive features of the Captain. 'But what about Lanna? Did she even understand my admission and what would be the consequences if she did understand how I felt about her?' But before more doubts could seep their way to the forefront of her mind, Seven caught movement in the crowd. Looking up, she saw that Lanna was heading her way complete with a teeth baring grin. And as if the crowd wasn't stunned before, Seven couldn't help but reciprocate such a grin. Seven hopped down off of the stage and met Lanna halfway.
"Can you love an ex-drone despite all her faults?" Seven asked.
"Only if you can love a half-Klingon despite all her faults?"
It may not have been the open declaration of love that each woman yearned for but it was a start.
Each woman lost in the other's penetrating gaze, holding hands with foreheads touching, neither one realizing that they were the ones on the inside, the crowd looking in.
THE END!
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