My name is Don. I was born and raised in the Midwest, where my parents, two brothers, and sister still live. My parents are 75 yrs. old with medical conditions, which limits them in many ways. But that's what happens when people get old. They were alcoholics since before I was born in 1961. But now they can't drink any booze due to their medical problems. They still smoke cigarettes. My dad was Protestant and had to convert to Catholicism before marrying my mom. He was in the Navy during WWII and the Korean War. Afterwards, he was a traffic engineer for the city and National guardsman. My mom was a secretary. My dad was verbally abusive. My mom is bipolar, aka manic depressive. They've been separated for about 12 yrs. now, ever since my youngest brother was the last to leave the house, for college. My older brother came back a few years later to graduate high school. Afterwards, he married his high school sweetheart. They had a girl, divorced, remarried each other, and divorced again. He went to jail for abusing his daughter, got out, and went on Welfare. He struggles with himself everyday. My sister is older than me. She got married at 18yrs. old, had 7 kids--3 boys & 4 girls. She divorced at age 40 and struck out on her own. But she still cared for the kids, doing her motherly chores. It's not known why she divorced, but physical abuse was suspected. She's a hostess for a restaurant. My younger brother and I are two years apart; whereas my other siblings are several years older. So he and I were very close. We did just about everything together--school, sports, boy scouts, and even double-dated sisters. He graduated college, got married, had two kids--a boy and a girl. Now he's a prominent figure in his community as a Certified Managerial Accountant for a private owned company. He's living the American dream. I love them all very much, and we are all still in contact with each other. Some would say I come from a dysfunctional family, but we're all dysfunctional because of our imperfect nature. It's what we do with it that makes or breaks us.

I barely graduated high school because of my drug and alcohol use that began in my junior year. Two weeks later I joined the Marines. My substance abuse increased, and I kept getting in trouble for it. The first time was for a drug overdose, which almost killed me. The Marines took 75 dollars from my paycheck. The second time was for smoking and possession of Marijuana. That cost me $460, 30 days correctional custody, loss of rank, and a change of my military occupational specialty from radio operator to infantry. My drug & alcohol use increased over the next year, until my crime partner, fellow Marine, persuaded me to kill and rob someone I didn't even know, but he knew him. I was age 19 and very impressionable. My "crimey" told me there was a big pot plant growing in the back yard, and we could take it along with the victim's car, sell them and become drug dealers--living the life of luxury. Yeah, I'm living it up, doing life in prison, for strangling a 60 something year old man, while my crime partner got set free after pleading Nolo Contendre--No Contest. I told him I didn't want no part in the killing, but I could do the robbery and luxurious life of drug dealing. But he kept talking to me about how to kill him, while pumping me wit gin & vodka, until I gave in and found my hands around the man's throat, choking him to death. Everything we think, say, and do affects everyone and everything around us. But I didn't realize that then; nor did I realize the consequences involved. I was so full of every kind of drug I could find--pot, hashish, speed, LSD, cocaine--and much alcohol every day and night that reality was so distorted that it was inconceivable to me. I was running from reality because I didn't like it. But there's no escaping it. So now I live in it no matter how much I dislike it, and instead of having a negative outlook, I work on seeing the positive side of things. Losing your freedom really sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My life might have been different if I had followed my dream and plans from my youth. When I was a boy, I saw how my parents were toward themselves, each other, us kids, and everything else. And I said to myself that I didn't want to grow up to be like them. So I searched for what I wanted to be. I enjoyed drafting and woodworking class in high school and thought I wanted to be a draftsman or architect. At the same time, I let society shape and mold me into an amoral person. Instead, I should have allowed God to shape and mold me from His Holy Word, the Bible, and with His Holy people, the Christians. My dad preached, "do as I say and not as I do" to me. So I rebelled rather than conformed. I see now that I should have listened to my dad because he didn't want me to be like him either. My mom told me basically the same thing. I should have listened to them. I might be living the American dream today, like my little brother--with a wife, kids, a job, a house, cars, and a right standing in the community. One thing is missing from that picture though--a right standing with God, which is the most important thing anyone could have. But I thank God that He's allowed me to live long enough to finally be in that right standing with Him. It took many years to come to that realization, and I'm glad that God was so patient with me to give me the right to be called one of his children. I just wish I had taken a different route, rather than the one I did. A man would not have been killed by me, and everything that was touched by my doing would be different in every way. It's too late for me now to be that model citizen, but it's not too late for whoever reads this and still has a chance out there. I pray that God will give you all things for life and godliness; that you may be able to pass it on to others, so they in turn can do the same. The best I can hope for myself is to be released some day and be an active member of society in whatever capacity God wants me to be, or what He allows me to be.

My family doesn't come to visit me because it's too far away for them to travel on their incomes. Only once in the last 19yrs. did my mom come to visit, which was 17yrs. ago. My mom has been in & out of the hospital every time I get denied parole at my board hearings; also, when I first got arrested, that totals to 5 times. My dad didn't seem to be affected externally, but I�m sure he felt bad about it. Everyone was shocked. I believe it helped my little brother to straighten up, because he was becoming a party animal like I was. My older brother and sister were like my dad. I did manage to meet people through the mail and receive visits from a few of them, but they've faded away for one reason or another. My family and I still write and talk on the phone to each other, as well as a few friends. My grandma still wrote and talked with me on the phone, but not my grandpa. He was the only one I knew of who "cut me loose". There would have been nothing I could say or do if my whole family had decided to "cut me loose". But I�m thankful they didn't, and at the time I didn't understand it at first why they didn't, but my mom made it clear to me when she came to visit. She told me that they hated the sin but loved the sinner. I think that's how God sees us, and in that way we are emulating Him.

Since my incarceration, I've participated in many programs. I've attended some college classes--English, Astronomy, and some Bible college classes. I completed a Vocational Appliance Repair course and am currently working in the Optical Lab, after completing the Vocational course. I've attended A.A. & N.A., have been through some self-help programs, like Breaking Barriers, Spirituality & Addiction, and Victim/Offender Reconciliation. I went through a year of psych group therapy as well as one-on-one counseling. I currently have a Spiritually Based 12 Step book that I plan on doing. I've also been to Christian seminars, like KAIROS. I attend Christian church services regularly.

I didn't stop using drugs & alcohol until after 9yrs. of being in prison. It's only by the grace of God that I'm able to remain clean and sober for the last 9yrs. And I believe I can remain free from all the things that got me into prison--the drugs, alcohol, and bad influences people lay on each other. My circle of influence used to be people and things that were doers of evil. Now my circle of influence contains Christians and all the activities that go with being a child of God--reading/studying the Bible, prayer, and witnessing to the truth of Jesus Christ. I still have faults because nobody's perfect, but I no longer have that amoral core in my being. I know right from wrong, and I want to be a practicer of doing the right thing at all times. It doesn't mean that I always will, but I know I will never go as far as I did before God changed my life. I believe that before anyone can make it outside of prison, they have to change from within first, and that includes both within themselves as well as within prison. In order to live a normal life outside of prison, I need to surround myself with people and things that will enable me to be a productive member of society, and be like the Nike ad-"just do it". I don't have all the answers, but I know I have a better chance now than I had before my incarceration. It's been said that experience is the best teacher. I have learned from my experiences and am less likely to repeat my dark past because of it. But anyone who can learn from anothers dark past so as not to repeat it, is the wiser. Like my dad was trying to tell me when he said "do as I say and not as I do", he was telling me that I could do better than he did. And by the grace of God, I will.

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