My name is Scott and I am in prison and Randy’s bunkie. (cell mate)

Your idea is wonderful and I feel it's inspirational. I've daydreamed many times about touring schools and talking to kids of an impressionable age about my experiences. However, I think it might be a tad smarter to first be "done" with doing time and what amounts to immaturity before I can ever seriously consider trying to help someone else!

In my particular case I tend to use quite a bit of introspection once I'm locked up again and off of drugs and/or alcohol and their influence. It's just too sad though that I never seem to apply what I feel I've learned. you see, I know what I'm doing wrong and I can even spot it in others out there in the "Free" world but I can't or haven't been able to shake it so far. I'll get to the point and tell you that "it", is addiction!

I believe it all started in about the 4th grade when I was 10 or 11 years old. They (school) showed us a movie about smoking pot and how seriously disorienting and functionally disabling it was. I suppose at that age it had an impact on me because to this day I remember it.

I grew up in a very poor environment. My mother had 3 of us kids to raise alone. We lived in a low income city housing development. Drug and alcohol use was very prevalent. I'm sure many of the kids I grew up around could have grown and not used drugs or alcohol but most of the ones I knew did use. At the very least most of us experimented. I'm not blaming my current situation on any of this and my mother did the best she could, God bless her, but growing up in these sociological condition might have contributed and if you're living in these condition or challenged by poverty or raising children in these condition..... BE AWARE!

At any rate, I tried alcohol for the first time at age 11 and found it very much to my liking and from watching some of the adults around me it seemed cool or hip to drink. I first tried marijuana around that time also and I remember thinking "Hey, this isn't anything like they showed or described in school on that film"! That thought played a big role later in my life like when I first go the "opportunity", (frown), to experiment with harder drugs. It was like "Well, if I was lied to about pot then maybe I was lied to about all of it." Pot wasn't what they said so how could it lead to harder drugs? It must be "ok" to try other drugs. This thought would be my theme for any school kids I might talk to: It's not ok!!

Experimenting led to acceptance, acceptance led to use and use led to addiction!! I would use for any number of reasons. Sometimes just socially like at partys or get togethers. What I didn't realize then, but looking back I do now, was that being a user I would hang around with or surround myself with other users. Sometimes I'd use because I was angry or sad or depressed. They were all excuses and many times I felt guilty for doing myself so wrong (not to mention breaking the law) and so I kept and used these excuses.

When I was old enough to start working I'd use the weekend and the money I'd made as reasons to party. That too would all change later on in my addiction because Friday partying would go to Friday & Saturday. Then Friday, Saturday, and Sunday... Right on into the new work week but I was young and resiliant I could hang! Then you lose your job because either performance or attendance starts declining. Now you've got no job and most of your time is devoted to your addiction so to pay for that you sell drugs.

Well, I'm 40 years old now and I'm on my 4th term in prison! My cases and consequently my convictions have all progressed in violence.

My first conviction was in July 1986 for armed robbery. I'd used all my drugs I had to sell and needed more money to "start over"! On that crime I didn't even pull the gun out of my waistband for fear it would get someone hurt. Duh!!! Nevermind I've not even considered the fact that I could have been shot dead!!

One of my convictions was for terrorist threats. I went after a guy because he had ripped a friend of mine off for money. Naturally it was in a drug transaction and my friend wouldn't even defend himself. I think that even though I was in the drug world and using drugs & alcohol, I felt there should have been some kind of morals. I was incensed when it happened and as usual I was in a drug & alcohol induced stupor, and consequently all that did was remove any inhibitions I might have had while straight. So I went after the guy, really just to make him give my friends money back. He ran from me (of course I kicked his door in!)and said I'd threatened to kill him.

This last conviction was the worst! Same situation, different friend and different thief. I went after the guy, punched him because he didn't want to give my friends money back and I was so out of it (drugs & alcohol) that I didn't realize I had grabbed a knife. When I punched him the knife was sharp side of the blade out and it cut his throat. Truthfully it was an accident but I was charged with attempted murder. I was scared out of my mind and I thought I'd get life in prison because of 3 strikes.

I didn't because of all the drugs and alcohol involved. I was offered a deal and was told if I pled guilty to assault with a deadly weapon I'd get 6 years and my second strike. I'd do 80% of that and if I ever get arrested again for any felony I'll do 25 years to life.

I'm lucky!! I get one more chance to get it right.

A lot of my story might seem irrelevant for what you plan to use it for but believe me, it's not. Obviously the basic component or tread(so to speak) is drugs and alcohol. It's so relevant because a very disproportionate percentage of convictions are drug and/or alcohol related.

The sad thing is that there is probably a much larger amount of wasted intelligence in here because of drugs and alcohol than anyone would believe. The natural assumption of alot of society is that a low intelligence level is to blame. I'm sure that's true to some degree but overall I'd say that that's a contributing factor of less than 30%. I don't have actual statistics but I do speak from experiencing & living here every day!! I've been measured on one I.Q. test and scored a 126 which was superior for that test. On the other hand and playing the devils advocate, it could be said that I'm not too bright....... I'm in here!! However, I don't believe anyone has ever equated addiction with intelligence or the lack of it! And, there have been people much more intelligent, successful and famous than I that have fallen prey to addiction.

What it all boils down to is, there are a lot of people doing time in prison because of drug and/or alcohol use. A lot of promising potential is wasted and that's sad.

Learning! Now that's cool. Learning is much more rewarding and gives you a rush that can't be achieved by drug use. In terms of success or failure I’ve heard it said that its not so much whether or not you fail but what you learn from it.

Just say no! Those 3 words truly have power. They are also much more rewarding and have further reaching implications than many people can even imagine. It starts with those words and those words are said because It's not ok.

If time is the most important commodity we have, then prison is one of the biggest wastes there are. Of the 3 possibilities you have for an ultimate destination if you use drugs, prison is the most dangerous. The other two are: jelly for a brain & death!! None of the three are too damned beneficial.

The end of this story (I hope and pray) is happy. I say that because in my heart and soul I pray to never use drugs or alcohol again. Upon and after parole these are my intentions. Addiction is scary and I'll battle it for the rest of my life, all because I thought it would be ok to try it once!! If I have a lick of sense left in my burnt out brain I'll never touch either again. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions so maybe I'll need something more: Counseling, A.A. or N.A or religion.... something.

If I leave alcohol and drugs alone I'll be ok I know. If I don't I'll end up locked up for the rest of my life or dead!! This is not fantasy, it's cold, hard fact.... It's reality!!!

If you're using drugs or alcohol...for gods sake and yours...STOP!! If you're thinking about trying it, think about the misery of my story because that's what this life is... MISERY!! Pain, hurt, loss, loneliness, prison or death! Looks can be very deceiving and if you see your friends using, and it looks cool or ok,.... It's not!! It's not worth it. If you never listen to any other advice in your life....Please listen to mine.

Well... I'd like to thank you for taking the time to read this. Assuming you have, I'll say: "God bless you if you listen and act accordingly", and "God help you if you don't"!!