I have a confession I must make. I have been lying to myself just to have whatever small piece of love you would allow. I know by my own admission, I can end this torment.  Maybe I can even save us both the pain I am sure will follow.  This would all end very badly no matter what I said or did.  it would simply be a matter of when. Now is less painful. I am IN love! It may be love misplaced and lonely. But it is simply and true. He understands me in ways most people don't, can't and never shall. The one great and true love of my life. I KNOW beyond any doubt that you think me foolish. He and I live in two totally different worlds.  Us together is the furthest thing from reality. I would say give up all the material things I possess for one more shining moment in the light of his love.  Knowing all the while that no good could come from that kind of one sided relationship. Just to allow myself finally and totally to be loved and adored the way I KNOW that he could if he would let me back in. I never thought I would ever allow anyone that close again but in a matter of days over the computer no less he has won me heart and soul. I would give him all that I am and everything I have but it can never be. For he does not feel the same. I was going to fight for him I was going to be patient and wait until he was ready but I just can’t hold onto a dream that will never see the light of day. I just had to put my feeling out there even if I can’t tell him how I really feel. I can’t think about him without wanting it all. I can’t look at his him without feeling that longing to be in his arms and adored. I can’t talk to him without wanting to express myself or this would be the end of a friendship that has a bond beyond love. I will NEVER feel this way again. These feelings that I have will have to be a secret I never reveal. I’ll accept that. But I have to express it somehow to someone. The perfect world holds me in his arms and heart. I am at your door with heartache in my hands. I need you to know my heart you and my soul are lost to any other in this universe. And while I may settle for being alone I will never experience these emotions for another or even be close to what I have felt for him. This denial is a safe place for me to live. I own the deed to denial I’ve lived there so long. Even if I never tell him , it is what it is and I can’t change it. No one can help who they love but I can keep from hurting him and me. There aren’t many moments that go by when I don’t think about him. I imagine I will die thinking of him and never being able to have him again. I smile at every cloud that passes by.  Even the wind whispers his name. The memory of his caress. A mere promise of the very idea of him. I’ve been walking around all happy, glowing and smiling and when people see that they notice and comment on it. All he had to do to make my world a better place is exist. I wish every one around me could feel just one-tenth what I feel for him. I would never ask him to risk any possibility of pain just for my own selfish wants. I wouldn’t change the way things are for all of the tomorrows I’d like to spend with him. I just needed you to know . . .I’m IN love and I refuse to hurt him further. I can control the outcome so with many regrets I’ll keep how I feel between you and me my heart.