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I guess it�s been really hard depression has made my mind blurred. I guess it�s just a little absurd the way life treats me nowadays. How easily it can knock me down in so many different ways. Some days it will hit me from my family, some days from friends. Some days because of a woman in my life who leaves me happily. It always seems to find its way to me, no matter what, everyday. No matter how hard I try, I can�t even forget things from yesterday. It�s the smallest of things that really cause me to hurt a lot. Like things from my ex-girlfriend, the excuses that I had got. Things like I was to young for her, well there was only an 11 month difference. I was doing everything for her, that was it so I said �fuck this� Look where that got me, a life without her and suspended now I couldn�t take the teachers any more and all the pain caused me to yell out. Yeah the words I said I probably shouldn�t have and won�t again. But all the pain that I had bundled up inside, then the anger, that�s how I gave in. I go through the anger from those teachers everyday, But that day was just to so fucked up and way to much. All that I got from the girl who is now my ex-girlfriend, I had almost let out a punch. At least this time it was only words but you never know about next time. Next time I don�t know if I can handle myself I may let out and commit the crime. I never want to feel like this, I would a lot rather live life out. One day of nothing but happiness, would make up for the many days without. |