The weather
People only talk about the weather when they have nothing to talk about, i can see myself if its pissing down so fuck off and stop wasting both our times.
Old People
Not all of them, these: They smell, shrink and go mad whilst at the same time developing a hatred for everyone and everything. Fuck, i'm 21 and I hate most things now, so why waste time with these pissy old beakons of crime. They are the slow driving senile equivilent of nerds, euthanasia should be made compulsary at sixty five unless you can readily supply your own hip replacements.
Jehovahs Whitnesses
I don't come to your house to talk about football so don't knock on my fucking door. These moralistic trumped up door to door salesman are so up themselves they have brown hair. The next time you get one start talking to them and brainwash them with your wild beliefs.
Political correctness
Fuck you all you moralistic bastards. You are the ones with the problem,you are the ones that are drawing attention to issues like racism which makes you more racist than me. And if you don't like something that is on the tele and you find it offensive turn the fucking channel, i like violence, that's what i pay my license fee for. it's because of people like you that fils get cut to fuck on the ele and i misss the best shit, all it makes me want to do is to go out and reenact the bits that are missing on your fucking faces.
Terrorism
If we bombed Ireland every time there was terrorist attack on us you would be able to twin the place with the Isle of White. If we lick Americas arse with this one we are the first fuckers that will get nuked. It is fucked up yes Iraq needs to be sorted and Sadam needs to be orally castrated by a cross dressing cannibal but why should we help. Bush just gives Blair a pink feather and Blair tickles his fucking arse every time. My solution, lets send in some SAS midgets dressed as children and shoot the bastard or even better send the pope in as a suicide bomber, at least we know he will go to heaven and he is not in a state to argue.
Plain Crisps
Why do people eat them, they have no flavour other than salt and you do not eat raw salt do you, you are being ripped off, if you don not want flavour eat fucking pasta and loose weight, if you do want flavour get beef or prawn and be enriched.
Food
All food stuffs are getting smaller, crisps, chocolate bars and cafeteria grub has nearly halved in size and doubled in price in the last ten years, we are being ripped off by fat cats who know that us fat bastards ca not resist the tasty goodness.
Music
Music is shit, the best stuff came from the sixties through to the eighties and the only good stuff around today are the bands from that time who are still going but do they get any fucking recognition? NO. The industry is too safe, the classic rock stars would not get a contact now a days, if you are not pretty, if you can not sing like a choir boy you are fucked. What about Manson, Slipknot Korn etc I hear you young rockers cry, they may sound rocky but they are simply copying what people such as Alice Cooper, Kiss and WASP have been doing for years only with out the panache. If you want good music go back and get the classics, or even better do not buy any music at all and then the price of CDs might come down a bit because that is fucking ridiculous as well.
Children
Are all kids evil bastard, not all of them but it is going that way, the whole world is going to hell on a social tide of shit if we do not do something to stop the kids becoming total demon fucks. How can we do it, bring back the fucking Cain only stick a couple of nails in the cunt and see how the bastards like that; oh no we cant to that we're not barbarians. The truth is that we need to improve the standard of living in certain areas because children develop according to their surroundings and influences. Maybe we should punish the parent only not with jail with whips and tapes of Britney Spears.
Film Reviewers
It is about time all film reviewers were sacked, they are useless, they pan every great film and applaud all the shit. You are fucked if you do a comedy, they have no sense of humour, if it is violent then its too formulaic and beside which they can not even make up their minds. When Independence Day came out it was all thums up and well done, now whenever it is on the tele the tele guide says its shit. I say sack them, shoot them and then ask real film goers what they think and print that, at least the you get honesty and not bollocks.
Fish & Chips
Fish and Chips are the great British dish, now they are the great British luxury, they are too fucking expensive, when I grew up you could get fish and chips for �1.60-�1.80 and everything else with chips for �1 and that was in the nineties. Now its over three quid and you get fuck all, an over weight fish finger and anorexic chips with anaemia. Chip shop chips are supposed to be greasy and brown, that is the tradition, eaten from inky newspapers on a Saturday night while watching TV. with your family, now its much cheaper to get a kebab and you get more, but kebab should not be eaten sober, thats another tradition we are being forced to break, fish and chips, family, kebab, pissed. bring back tradition, please, lower the price of fish and chips and start cooking them right, that is what is wrong with society, that is why these terrorists get so pissed off, they need feeding.
Lottery Grants
It could be you, will it fuck. Do not buy lottery tickets you are wasting your money, fair enough one persons life will be made better but what other benefit does it have. They complain that they are not making enough money, so they spend lottery money on re-launching the lottery and making more games to get that money back, they start to make more money and what do they do? They give themselves a pay rise. They do not give extra to good causes and who decides what is a good cause, the stuck up twats that think everyone likes what they like that is why it all goes to the arts and in London, come on who gives a flying fuck about the arts. If Branson had got it then all of the money would have gone in prise money and to charities but because the government are a bunch of lying bastards they backtracked on that promise and give it back to the money grabbing cunts. If you want to give money to a good cause try youth clubs and ones that are not in London, get the fucking kids off the streets and stop them from raping old ladies that is a good cause, how about resources for schools, development grants for small towns, hostels for the homeless. Come on people its your money they are pissing away, do not give it to them keep it or give it to charity at least then its doing some good.
The Government
Ok so give them their due they have done some beneficial things since they got in and yes they are better than the Tories were, but that does not make them good. What pisses me off the most about the government is their attitude to the common people, it is like we know what is best for you and here is what you are going to do. It is a dictatorship, look at what Tony did as soon as he got back into power at the last election, he doubled his pay, yes every time you see him nicking off to another country on holiday just because an issue has arisen that he does not want to have to comment on, that is our money he is spending and money which I would like to be used to my benefit and not his. Another thing, it seems that Tonys solution to every problem is to set up a task force into investigating the problem, that is more money being spent on people to find out a problem that has already been identified, where is the logic? The problem is that this government take our money and throw it at problems and expect the problem to go away, this will never work, if you want to make the NHS better you have got to modernize, improve the service, create more incentive for the public to want to become doctors and nurses, because the conditions are terrible. Will this happen, maybe but not in my life time, this government just look after themselves and their own. My solution, performance rated pay for ministers, if they get things done pay them if they do not give the money to charity, this will get rid of all the shit because only the ones that genuinely want to help will be willing to work under those conditions.
The homeless
Homelessness in this country is bad and in this day and age it should not exist, yes my cold heart goes out to them and their pet dogs. I feel so bad that I am going to tell you how you can stop this. If you are living on the street, go to a hostel for some food and steel a knife. Now use this knife to go and rob a shop. WHAT! Think about it, if you get away with it you are going to have a wad of cash, this will help you to get a flat and with an address you can sign on the dole and use welfare to keep you in that house. If you get caught, you go to jail, you have got a roof over your head, TV. and they pay you to work, then when you get out they will find you somewhere to live and your life will be sorted, this is fool proof. Now the only problem is letting the homeless know. We must start a campaign, internet access for the homeless, they need to read this, if not you should go and find a homeless person and tell them this. Go Go! Go!! I have a new campaign to sort out, VR machines for the blind.
Envelopes
Why is it that in this day an age all envelopes are not self-seal? You want to post something, you lick the envelope, stick it and then it opens backs up, so you lick it again and again, now the flap is soaking wet and it still wont stick only now you have a paper cut on your tongue which is going to hurt for a week.
Sandwiches
I like sandwiches, but I can not buy them, because when ever I go into a shop that sells them and look at what they have, they always have something in the ingredients that I hate. A cheese and onion one always has to have tomato or mayonnaise, or a cheese and ham one for some reason gets pickle. The list goes on and on. Start making simple sandwiches you inconsiderate bastards.
Computer Nerds
All computer nerds should be violently killed and broadcast to the world via web cam so that us normal computer using people can have a really good laugh. The problem is that it is one thing to know all the crap that you know but us normal people do not want to hear about it. I do not care who you hacked or what you did on your computer last night, I was out drinking with real friends and doing things with real women not the computer generated images that you sad cunts wank over every night while playing with your hard drives.
War
There will shortly be a war, this war was predetermined a long time ago and despite the common opinion of the common man it will go ahead, I enjoy a good fight and I love violence but I know that this war is about A) getting oil which is in short supply and B) neutralising all threats to the greater plan which is to have one rulling body dictating to my whole planet.I hate The American Government (not the people) and would love to see their arses get fucking kicked, unfortunately England is always licking Americas arse so we will get kicked first and so we are all fucked. I'll leave this one up because it came true. I also now believe that the government are trying to get the british public to loose faith in them so that when they hold a referendum on the euro the only people that will go out and vote are the ones that want it.
Reality TV
Am I the only one that realises that this is brain dead soul destroying insanity. Do people realise what they are doing, people who enjoy these things should get a life themselves and stop tring to live someone elses and the people who take part are either failed celebrities trying to get one last crack at fame by making complete cunts of themselves or members of the public determined to embarrass anybody that knows them in order to get a few quid, I couldn't give a fuck if people want to whore themselves for cash but i dont want to watch it, thank fuck for video.
The BBC
They take your licence fee line their pockets and then ram as much shit down your throat as they can and expect you to be greatful, now with the aim of of getting everyone digital they can complete their aim of having a digital television licence witch is likely to exceed �200 a year within a few years and you are still gonna get the same old shit just more of it and with a picture thats gonna fuck up everytime it thunders, isn't it about time people said fuck TV and learned to talk instead.
