MARK
December 24th, Nine PM
Eastern Standard Time
From here on in
I shoot without a script
See if anything comes of it
Instead of my old shit
First shot -- Roger
Tuning the Fender guitar
He hasn't played in a year
ROGER
This won't tune
MARK
So we hear
He's just coming back
From half a year of withdrawal
ROGER
Are you talking to me?
MARK
Not at all
Are you ready? Hold that focus -- steady
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger ...
ROGER
I'm writing one great song --
MARK
The phone rings.
ROGER
Saved!
MARK
We screen
Zoom in on the answering machine!
2.VOICE MAIL #1
ROGER & MARK'S OUTGOING MESSAGE
"Speak" ...
MOM
That was a very loud beep
I don't even know if this is working
Mark -- Mark -- are you there
Are you screening your calls --
It's mom
We wanted to call and say we love you
And we'll miss you tomorrow
Cindy and the kids are here -- send their love
Oh, I hope you like the hot plate
Just don't leave it on, dear
When you leave the house
Oh, and Mark
We're sorry to hear that Maureen dumped you
I say c'est la vie
So let her be a lesbian...
There are other fishies in the sea
... Love Mom!
3.TUNE UP #2
MARK
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger
ROGER
I'm writing one great song
MARK
The phone rings
ROGER
Yes!
MARK
We screen
ROGER & MARK'S ANSWERING MACHINE
"Speak"
COLLINS
"Chestnuts roasting -"
ROGER & MARK
Collins!
COLLINS
I'm downstairs
MARK
Hey!
COLLINS
Roger picked up the phone?
MARK
No, it's me
COLLINS
Throw down the key
MARK
A wild night is now pre-ordained
COLLINS
I may be detained
MARK
What does he mean...?
What do you mean "detained"?
BENNY
Ho ho ho
MARK & ROGER
Benny! Shit
BENNY
Dudes, I'm on my way
MARK & ROGER
Great! Fuck
BENNY
I need the rent
MARK
What rent?
BENNY
This past year's rent which I let slide
MARK
Let slide? You said we were 'golden'
ROGER
When you bought the building
MARK
When we were roommates
ROGER
Remember - you lived here!?
BENNY
How could I forget?
You, me, Collins and Maureen
How is the drama queen?
MARK
She's performing tonight
BENNY
I know
Still her production manager?
MARK
Two days ago I was bumped
BENNY
You still dating her?
MARK
Last month I was dumped
ROGER
She's in love
BENNY
She's got a new man?
MARK
Well -- no
BENNY
What's his name?
BOTH
Joanne
BENNY
Rent, my amigos, is due
Or I will have to evict you
Be there in a few
MARK
The power blows
4.RENT
MARK
How do you document real life
When real life is getting more
Like fiction each day
Headlines -- bread-lines
Blow my mind
And now this deadline
"Eviction -- or pay"
Rent!
ROGER
How do you write a song
When the chords sound wrong
Though they once sounded right and rare
When the notes are sour
Where is the power
You once had to ignite the air
MARK
And we're hungry and frozen
ROGER
Some life that we've chosen
TOGETHER
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
Last year's rent
MARK
We light candles
ROGER
How do you start a fire
When there's nothing to burn
And it feels like something's stuck in your flue
MARK
How can you generate heat
When you can't feel your feet
BOTH
And they're turning blue!
MARK
You light up a mean blaze
ROGER
With posters-
MARK
And screenplays
ROGER & MARK
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
Last year's rent
JOANNE
Don't screen, Maureen
It's me -- Joanne
Your substitute production manager
Hey hey hey! (Did you eat?)
Don't change the subject Maureen
But darling -- you haven't eaten all day
You won't throw up
You won't throw up
The digital delay ---
Didn't blow up
There may have been one teeny tiny spark
You're not calling Mark
COLLINS
How do you stay on your feet
When on every street
It's 'trick or treat'
(And tonight it's 'trick')
'Welcome back to town'
Oh, I should lie down
Everything's brown
And uh -- oh
I feel sick
MARK
Where is he?
COLLINS
Getting dizzy
MARK & ROGER
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
How we gonna pay
Last year's rent
BENNY
Alison baby -- you sound sad
I don't believe those two after everything I've done
Ever since our wedding I'm dirt -- They'll see
I can help them all out in the long run
BENNY
Forces are gathering
Forces are gathering
Can't turn away
Forces are gathering
COLLINS
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh-- I can't think
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh--
Ughhhhh-- I need a drink
MARK
"The music ignites the night with passionate fire"
JOANNE
Maureen -- I'm not a theatre person
ROGER
"The narration crackles and pops with incendiary wit"
JOANNE
Could never be a theatre person
MARK
Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground
JOANNE
Hello?
MARK & ROGER
And feel the heat of the future's glow
JOANNE
Hello?
MARK
Hello? Maureen?
--Your equipment won't work?
Okay, all right, I'll go!
MARK & HALF THE COMPANY
How do you leave the past behind
When it keeps finding ways to get to your heart
It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out
Till you're torn apart
Rent!
ROGER & OTHER HALF OF COMPANY
How can you connect in an age
Where strangers, landlords, lovers
Your own blood cells betray
ALL
What binds the fabric together
When the raging, shifting winds of change
Keep ripping away
BENNY
Draw a line in the sand
And then make a stand
ROGER
Use your camera to spar
MARK
Use your guitar
ALL
When they act tough - you call their bluff
MARK & ROGER
We're not gonna pay
MARK & ROGER W/HALF THE COMPANY
We're not gonna pay
MARK & ROGER W/OTHER HALF OF COMPANY
We're not gonna pay
ALL
Last year's rent
This year's rent
Next year's rent
Rent rent rent rent rent
We're not gonna pay rent
ROGER & MARK
'Cause everything is rent
5.YOU OKAY HONEY? (The Street)
A HOMELESS MAN
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Somewhere else!
Not here
ANGEL
You okay honey?
COLLINS
I'm afraid so
ANGEL
They get any money?
COLLINS
No
Had none to get
But they purloined my coat
Well you missed a sleeve! - Thanks
ANGEL
Hell, it's Christmas Eve
I'm Angel
COLLINS
Angel..? Indeed
An angel of the first degree
Friends call me Collins - Tom Collins
Nice tree..
ANGEL
Let's get a band-aid for your knee
I'll change, there's a "Life Support" meeting at nine-thirty
Yes this body provides a comfortable home
For the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome
COLLINS
As does mine
ANGEL
We'll get along fine
Get you a coat, have a bite
Make a night I'm flush
COLLINS
My friends are waiting
ANGEL
You're cute when you blush
The more the merri ho ho ho
And I do not take no
6.TUNE UP #3 (The Loft)
MARK
I don't suppose you'd like to see her show in the lot tonight?
Or come to dinner?
ROGER
Zoom in on my empty wallet
MARK
Touche. Take your AZT
Close on Roger
His girlfriend April
Left a note saying "We've got AIDS"
Before slitting her wrists in the bathroom
7.ONE SONG GLORY
One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find one song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory - on another empty life
Time flies - time dies
Glory - One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory - glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man
Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies
The door
8.LIGHT MY CANDLE
ROGER
What'd you forget?
MIMI
Got a light?
ROGER
I know you? You're
You're shivering
MIMI
It's nothing
They turned off my heat
And I'm just a little
Weak on my feet
Would you light my candle?
What are you staring at?
ROGER
Nothing
Your hair in the moonlight
You look familiar
Can you make it?
MIMI
Just haven't eaten much today
At least the room stopped spinning
Anyway, What?
ROGER
Nothing
Your smile reminded me of
MIMI
I always remind people of who is she?
ROGER
She died, Her name was April
MIMI
It's out again
Sorry about your friend
Would you light my candle?
ROGER
Well-
MIMI
Yeah. Ow!
ROGER
Oh, the wax it's --
MIMI
Dripping! I like it -- between my --
ROGER
Fingers. I figured...
Oh, well. Goodnight
It blew out again?
MIMI
No - I think that I dropped my stash
ROGER
I know I've seen you out and about
When I used to go out
Your candle's out
MIMI
I'm illin'
I had it when I walked in the door
It was pure
Is it on the floor?
ROGER
The floor?
MIMI
They say I have the best ass below 14th street
Is it true?
ROGER
What?
MIMI
You're staring again
ROGER
Oh no
I mean you do - have a nice-
I mean , You look familiar
MIMI
Like your dead girlfriend?
ROGER
Only when you smile
But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else
MIMI
Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club?
That's where I work - I dance - help me look
ROGER
Yes!
They used to tie you up-
MIMI
It's a living
ROGER
I didn't recognize you
Without the handcuffs
MIMI
We could light the candle
Oh won't you light the candle?
ROGER
Why don't you forget that stuff
You look like you're sixteen
MIMI
I'm nineteen but I'm old for my age
I'm just born to be bad
ROGER
I once was born to be bad
I used to shiver like that
MIMI
I have no heat - I told you
ROGER
I used to sweat
MIMI
I got a cold
ROGER
Uh huh
I used to be a junkie
MIMI
But now and then I like to
ROGER
Uh huh
MIMI
Feel good
ROGER
Here it - um
MIMI
What's that?
ROGER
It's a candy bar wrapper
MIMI
We could light the candle
MIMI
What'd you do with my candle?
ROGER
That was my last match
MIMI
Our eyes'll adjust, thank God for the moon
ROGER
Maybe it's not the moon at all
I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street
MIMI
Bah humbug ... Bah humbug
ROGER
Cold hands
MIMI
Yours too
Big. Like my father's
You wanna dance?
ROGER
With you?
MIMI
No -- with my father
ROGER
I'm Roger
MIMI
They call me
They call me Mimi
9.VOICE MAIL #2
MR. JEFFERSON
Well, Joanne -- We're off
I tried you at the office
And they said you're stage managing or something
MRS. JEFFERSON
Remind her that those unwed mothers in Harlem
Need her legal help too
MR. JEFFERSON
Call Daisy for our itinerary or Alfred at Pound Ridge
Or Eileen at the state department in a pinch
We'll be at the spa for new year's
Unless the senator changes his mind
MRS. JEFFERSON
The hearings
MR. JEFFERSON
Oh yes Kitten
Mummy's confirmation hearing begins on the tenth
We'll need you alone - by the sixth
MRS. JEFFERSON
Harold!
MR. JEFFERSON
You hear that?
It's three weeks away
And she's already nervous
MRS. JEFFERSON
I am not!
MR. JEFFERSON
For Mummy's sake, Kitten
No Doc Martens this time and wear a dress
Oh, and Kitten -- have a merry
MRS. JEFFERSON
And a bra
10.TODAY 4 U (The Loft)
MARK
Enter Tom Collins, computer genius, teacher, vagabond anarchist, who ran
naked through the Parthenon
MARK & COLLINS
Bustelo - Marlboro
Banana by the bunch
A box of Captain Crunch will taste so good
COLLINS
And firewood
MARK
Look - it's Santa Claus
COLLINS
Hold your applause
ROGER
Oh hi
COLLINS
'Oh hi' after seven months?
ROGER
Sorry
COLLINS
This boy could use some Stoli
COLLINS, MARK & ROGER
Oh holy night
ROGER
You struck gold at MIT?
COLLINS
They expelled me for my theory of Actual Reality
Which I'll soon impart
To the couch potatoes at New York University
Still haven't left the house?
ROGER
I was waiting for you, don't you know?
COLLINS
Well, tonight's the night
Come to the Life Cafe after Maureen's show
ROGER
No flow
COLLINS
Gentlemen, our benefactor on this Christmas Eve
Whose charity is only matched by talent, I believe
A new member of the Alphabet City avant-garde
Angel Dumott Schunard!
ANGEL
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me
COLLINS
And you should hear her beat!
MARK
You earned this on the street?
ANGEL
It was my lucky day today on Avenue A
When a lady in a limousine drove my way
She said, "Dahling be a dear haven't slept in a year
I need your help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear"
"This Akita-Evita just won't shut up
I believe if you play non-stop that pup
Will breathe its very last high-strung breath
I'm certain that cur will bark itself to death"
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me
We agreed on a fee - A thousand dollar guarantee
Tax-free - and a bonus if I trim her tree
Now who could foretell that it would go so well
But sure as I am here that dog is now in doggy hell
After an hour - Evita - in all her glory
On the window ledge of that 23rd story
Like Thelma & Louise did when they got the blues
Swan dove into the courtyard of the Gracie Mews
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Then back to the street where I met my sweet
Where he was moaning and groaning on the cold concrete
The nurse took him home for some mercurochrome
And I dressed his wounds and got him back on his feet
Sing it!
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me
11.YOU'LL SEE
BENNY
Hey, you bum yeah, you, move over
Get your ass off that range rover
MARK
That attitude toward the homeless is just what
Maureen is protesting tonight.
BENNY
Maureen is protesting
Losing her performance space
Not my attitude
ROGER
What happened to Benny
What happened to his heart
And the ideals he once pursued?
BENNY
The owner of that lot next door
Has a right to do with it as he pleases
COLLINS
Happy birthday, Jesus!
BENNY
The rent
MARK
You're wasting your time
ROGER
We're broke
MARK
And you broke your word - this is absurd
BENNY
There is one way you won't have to pay
ROGER
I knew it!
BENNY
Next door, the home of Cyberarts, you see
And now that the block is re-zoned
Our dream can become a reality
You'll see boys
You'll see boys
A state of the art, digital, virtual interactive studio
I'll forego your rent and on paper guarantee
That you can stay here for free
If you do me one small favor
MARK
What?
BENNY
Convince Maureen to cancel her protest
MARK
Why not just get an injunction or call the cops
BENNY
I did, and they're on stand by
But my investors would rather
I handle this quietly
ROGER
You can't quietly wipe out an entire tent city
Then watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' on TV!
BENNY
You want to produce films and write songs?
You need somewhere to do it!
It's what we used to dream about
Think twice before you pooh-pooh it
You'll see boys
You'll see boys
You'll see - the beauty of a studio
That lets us do our work and get paid
With condos on the top
Whose rent keeps open our shop
Just stop the protest
And you'll have it made
You'll see - or you'll pack
ANGEL
That boy could use some Prozac
ROGER
Or heavy drugs
MARK
Or group hugs
COLLINS
Which reminds me
We have a detour to make tonight
Anyone who wants to can come along
ANGEL
Life support's a group for people coping with life
You don't have to stay too long
MARK
First I've got a protest to save
ANGEL
Roger?
ROGER
I'm not much company you'll find
MARK
Behave
ANGEL
He'll catch up later - He's just go other things on his mind
You'll see boys
MARK & COLLINS
We'll see boys
ROGER
Let it be boys!
COLLINS
I like boys
ANGEL
Boys like me
ALL
We'll see
12.TANGO: MAUREEN
JOANNE
Mark?
MARK
Hi
JOANNE
I told her not to call you
MARK
That's Maureen
But can I help since I'm here
JOANNE
I hired an engineer
MARK
Great!
Well, nice to have met you
JOANNE
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable
MARK
There's another way
Say something - anything
JOANNE
Test - one, two three
MARK
Anything but that
JOANNE
This is weird
MARK
It's weird
JOANNE
Very weird
MARK
Fuckin' weird
JOANNE
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you
MARK
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
JOANNE
As a matter of fact
MARK
Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling
JOANNE
You're wrong
MARK
Your heart she is mangling
JOANNE
It's different with me
MARK
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound
JOANNE
I think I know what you mean
BOTH
The Tango Maureen
MARK
Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'
JOANNE
Never
MARK
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?
JOANNE
This is spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?
MARK
Every time - so be cautious
JOANNE
Did she moon over other boys?
MARK
More than moon
JOANNE
I'm getting nauseous
MARK
It's hard to do this backwards
JOANNE
You should try it in heels!
She cheated
MARK
She cheated
JOANNE
Maureen cheated
MARK
Fuckin' cheated
JOANNE
I'm defeated
I should give up right now
MARK
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might
JOANNE
I'd fall for her still anyhow
BOTH
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Make you fall
MARK
So you think, 'Might as well'
JOANNE
"Dance a tango to hell"
BOTH
At least I'll have tangoed at all
The Tango Maureen
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue
MARK
Why do we love when she's mean?
JOANNE
And she can be so obscene
MARK
Try the mike
JOANNE
My Maureen
MARK
Patched
JOANNE
Thanks
MARK
You know I feel great now!
JOANNE
I feel lousy
BOTH
The Tango Maureen
13.LIFE SUPPORT
STEVE
Steve
GORDON
Gordon
ALI
Ali
PAM
Pam
SUE
Sue
ANGEL
Hi, I'm Angel
COLLINS
Tom. Collins
PAUL
I'm Paul. Let's begin
ALL
There's only us
There's only this..
MARK
Sorry ... Excuse me ... oops
PAUL
And you are?
MARK
Oh - I'm not
I'm just here to
I don't have
I'm here with
Um - Mark
Mark - I'm Mark
Well - this is quite an operation
PAUL
Sit down Mark
We'll continue the affirmation
ALL
Forget regret or life is yours to miss
GORDON
Excuse me Paul - I'm having a problem with this
This credo - My T-cells are low
I regret that news, okay?
PAUL
Alright
But Gordon - How do you feel today?
GORDON
What do you mean?
PAUL
How do you feel today?
GORDON
Okay
PAUL
Is that all?
GORDON
Best I've felt all year
PAUL
Then why choose fear?
GORDON
I'm a New Yorker
Fear's my life
Look - I find some of what you teach suspect
Because I'm used to relying on intellect
But I try to open up to what I don't know
GORDON & ROGER
Because reason says I should have died
Three years ago
ALL
No other road
No other way
No day but today
14.OUT TONIGHT (Mimi's apartment)
MIMI
What's the time?
Well it's gotta be close to midnight
My body's talking to me
It says, "Time for danger"
It says "I wanna commit a crime
Wanna be the cause of a fight
Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt
With a stranger"
I've had a knack from way back
At breaking the rules once I learn the games
Get up - life's too quick
I know someplace sick
Where this chick'll dance in the flames
We don't need any money
I always get in for free
You can get in too
If you get in with me
Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna play?
Let's run away
We won't be back before it's Christmas day
Take me out tonight (meow)
When I get a wink from the doorman
Do you know how lucky you'll be?
That you're on line with the feline of Avenue B
Let's go out tonight
I have to go out tonight
You wanna prowl
Be my night owl?
Well take my hand we're gonna howl
Out tonight
In the evening I've got to roam
Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome
Feels too damn much like home
When the Spanish babies cry
So let's find a bar
So dark we forget who we are
And all the scars from the
Nevers and maybes die
Let's go out tonight
Have to go out tonight
You're sweet
Wanna hit the street?
Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat?
Just take me out tonight
Please take me out tonight
Don't forsake me - out tonight
I'll let you make me - out tonight
Tonight - tonight - tonight
15.ANOTHER DAY
ROGER
Who do you think you are?
Barging in on me and my guitar
Little girl hey
The door is that way
You better go you know
The fire's out anyway
Take your powder take your candle
Your sweet whisper
I just can't handle
Well take your hair in the moonlight
Your brown eyes goodbye, goodnight
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should no!
Another time another place
Our temperature would climb
There'd be a long embrace
We'd do another dance
It'd be another play
Looking for romance?
Come back another day
Another day
MIMI
The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today
ROGER
Excuse me if I'm off track
But if you're so wise
Then tell me why do you need smack?
Take your needle
Take your fancy prayer
And don't forget
Get the moonlight out of your hair
Long ago you might've lit up my heart
But the fire's dead ain't never ever gonna start
Another time another place
The words would only rhyme
We'd be in outer space
It'd be another song
We'd sing another way
You wanna prove me wrong?
Come back another day
Another day
MIMI
There's only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what's right
No other course
No other way
No day but today
MIMI & OTHERS
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal is just
To be
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today
ROGER
Control your temper
She doesn't see
Who says that there's a soul?
Just let me be
Who do you think you are?
Barging in on me and my guitar
Little girl, hey
The door is that way
The fire's out anyway
ALL
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
ROGER
Take your powder, take your candle
Take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette
Another time, another place
Another rhyme, a warm embrace
Another dance, another way
Another chance, another day
16.WILL I?
STEVE
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
GROUP #1
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
GROUP #2
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
GROUP #3
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
GROUP #4
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
17.ON THE STREET
THREE HOMELESS PEOPLE
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Out of town
Santa Fe
SQUEEGEEMAN
Honest living, man
Feliz Navidad
HOMELESS PERSON
Evening, officers
MARK
Smile for Ted Koppel, Officer Martin
HOMELESS PERSON
And a Merry Christmas to your family
POLICE OFFICERS
Right
BLANKET PERSON
Who the fuck do you think you are?
I don't need no goddamn help
From some bleeding heart cameraman
My life's not for you to
Make a name for yourself on
ANGEL
Easy, sugar, easy
He was just trying to
BLANKET PERSON
Just trying to use me to kill his guilt
It's not that kind of movie, honey
Let's go this lot is full of
Motherfucking artists
Hey artist
You gotta dollar?
I thought not
18.SANTA FE
ANGEL
New York City
MARK
Uh huh
ANGEL
Center of the universe
COLLINS
Sing it girl-
ANGEL
Times are shitty
But I'm pretty sure they can't get worse
MARK
I hear you
ANGEL
It's a comfort to know
When you're singing the hit-the-road blues
That anywhere else you could possibly go
After New York would be a pleasure cruise
COLLINS
Now you're talking
Well, I'm thwarted by a metaphysic puzzle
And I'm sick of grading papers that I know
And I'm shouting in my sleep, I need a muzzle
All this misery pays no salary, so
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Oh sunny Santa Fe would be nice
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
And leave this to the roaches and mice
COLLINS
Oh-oh
ALL
Oh
ANGEL
You teach?
COLLINS
I teach , Computer Age Philosophy
But my students would rather watch TV
ANGEL
America
ALL
America
COLLINS
You're a sensitive aesthete
Brush the sauce onto the meat
You could make the menu sparkle with rhyme
You could drum a gentle drum
I could seat guests as they come
Chatting not about Heidegger, but wine
(with HOMELESS PEOPLE in the shadows)
Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Our labors would reap financial gains
ALL
Gains, gains, gains
COLLINS
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
And save from devastation our brains
HOMELESS
Save our brains
ALL
We'll pack up all our junk and fly so far away
Devote ourselves to projects that sell
We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe
Forget this cold Bohemian hell
Oh
ALL
Oh
COLLINS
Do you know the way to Santa Fe?
You know, tumbleweeds...prairie dogs...
Yeah
19.I'LL COVER YOU
ANGEL
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover I'll cover you
COLLINS
Open your door
I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there- I'll cover you
BOTH
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life be my life
Just slip me on
I'll be your tenant
Wherever whatever I'll be your coat
ANGEL
You'll be my king
And I'll be your castle
COLLINS
No you'll be my queen
And I'll be your moat
BOTH
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life all my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true as this is
COLLINS
So with a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
ANGEL
If you're cold
And you're lonely
You've got one nickel only
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
COLLINS
When you're worn out
And tired
When your heart has expired
BOTH
Oh lover I'll cover you
Oh lover I'll cover you
20.WE'RE OKAY
JOANNE
Steve Joanne
The Murget case?
A dismissal
Good work counselor
We're okay
Honeybear wait!
I'm on the other phone
Yes, I have the cowbell
We're okay
So tell them we'll sue
But a settlement will do
Sexual harassment and civil rights too
Steve, you're great
No you cut the paper plate
Didja cheat on Mark a lot would you say?
We're okay
Honey hold on
Steve, hold on
Hello?
Dad - yes
I beeped you
Maureen is coming to Mother's hearing
We're okay
Honeybear - what?
Newt's lesbian sister
I'll tell them
You heard?
They heard
We're okay
And to you dad
Yes - Jill is there?
Steve gotta-
Jill with the short black hair?
The Calvin Klein model?
Steve, gotta go
The model who lives in Penthouse A?
We're
We're okay
I'm on my way
21.CHRISTMAS BELLS (Various Locations, St. Marks Place)
FIVE HOMELESS PEOPLE
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are singing
On TV - at Saks
SQUEEGEEMAN
Honest living, honest living
Honest living, honest living
Honest living, honest living
ALL FIVE HOMELESS
Can't you spare a dime or two
Here but for the grace of God go you
You'll be merry
I'll be merry
Tho merry ain't in my vocabulary
No sleighbells
No Santa Claus
No yule log
No tinsel
No holly
No hearth
No
SOLOIST
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
ALL FIVE
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
No room at the Holiday Inn oh no
And it's beginning to snow
VENDORS
Hats, bats, shoes, booze
Mountain bikes, potpourri
Leather bags, girlie mags
Forty-fives, AZT
VENDOR #1
No one's buying
Feel like crying
ALL
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no
And it's beginning to snow
VENDOR #2
How about a fur
In perfect shape
Owned by an MBA from uptown
I got a tweed
Broken in by a greedy
Broker who went broke
And then broke down
COLLINS
You don't have to do this
ANGEL
Hush your mouth, it's Christmas
COLLINS
I do not deserve you, Angel
COLLINS
Give-give
All you do
Is give
Give me some way to show
How much you've touched me so
ANGEL
Wait--what's on the floor?
Let's see some more
No-no-no
Kiss me - it's beginning to snow
MARK
She said, "Would you light my candle?"
And she put on a pout
And she wanted you
To take her out tonight?
ROGER
Right
MARK
She got you out!
ROGER
She was more than okay
But I pushed her away
It was bad I got mad
And I had to get her out of my sight
MARK
Wait, wait, wait you said she was sweet
ROGER
Let's go eat - I'll just get fat
It's the one vice left when you're dead meat
MARK
Maureen?
ROGER
Mimi
MARK
Whoa
ROGER
I should go
MARK
Hey - it's beginning to snow
POLICE OFFICERS
I'm dreaming of a white, right Christmas
MIMI & JUNKIES
Follow the man follow the man
With his pockets full of the jam
Follow the man follow the man
Help me out, daddy
If you can
Got any D man?
THE MAN
I'm cool
MIMI & JUNKIES
Got any C man?
THE MAN
I'm cool
MIMI & JUNKIES
Got any X?
Any smack?
Any horse?
Any jugie boogie boy?
Any blow?
ROGER
Hey
MIMI
Hey
ROGER
I just want to say
I'm sorry for the way
MIMI
Forget it
ROGER
I blew up
Can I make it up to you?
MIMI
How?
ROGER
Dinner party?
MIMI
That'll do
THE MAN
Hey lover boy cutie pie
You steal my client you die
ROGER
You didn't miss me- you won't miss her
You'll never lack for customers
JUNKIES
I'm willin'
I'm illin'
I gotta get my sickness off
Gotta run, gotta ride
Gotta gun, gotta hide - gotta go
THE MAN
And it's beginning to snow
BENNY
(entering, talking on his cellular phone)
Wish me luck, Alison
The protest is on
COAT VENDOR
L.L Bean
Geoffrey Beene
Burburry zip out
Lining
JUNKIES
Got any C man?
Got any D man?
Got any B man?
Got any crack?
Got any X?
SQUEEGEEMAN
Honest living-
ROGER
Mark, this is Mimi
MARK/MIMI
Hi
ROGER
She'll be dining (with us)
COAT VENDOR
Here's a new arrival
THE MAN
That is an ounce
VENDORS
Hats, dats, bats
COLLINS
That's my coat!
COAT VENDOR
We give discounts
MARK
I think we've met
ANGEL
Let's get a better one
COLLINS
It's a sham
MIMI
That's what he said
THE MAN
I said it's a gram!
COLLINS
But she's a thief!
ANGEL
But she brought us together
BENNY
Which investor is coming??
COLLINS
I'll take the leather
BENNY
Your father? Damn!
HOMELESS & VENDORS
Christmas bells are swinging
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are singing
In my dreams - next year
Once you donate you can go
Celebrate in Tuckahoe
You'll feel cheery
I'll feel cheery
Tho' I don't really know that theory
No bathrobe
No steuben glass
No cappucino makers
No pearls, no diamonds
No 'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire'
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no-
POLICE OFFICERS
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Jingle bells prison cells
Fa la la la fa la la la
You have the right to remain
Silent night holy night
Fall on your knees oh night divine
You'll do some time
Fa la la la la
Fa la la la la
JUNKIES
Got any C man?
Got any D man?
Got any B man?
Got any X? Crack?
I'm willin' I'm illin'
Gotta get my sickness off
C-D help me
Follow the man follow the man
Follow the man
Jugie boogie jugie boogie
Follow the man follow the man
Any crack any X any jugie boogie boy
Any blow any X any jugie boogie boy
Got any D man, got any C man
Got any crack any X- any jugie boogie?
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-five
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-five
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
No way
Twenty-four
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-four
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Not today
Twenty-three
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-three
ANGEL
Fifteen
It's old
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-two
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Twenty-one
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Seventeen
ANGEL
Fifteen
COAT VENDOR
Fifteen
ANGEL & COAT VENDOR
Sold!
MARK & ROGER
Let's
Go
To
The lot Maureen's performing
MIMI
Who's Maureen?
ROGER
His ex
MARK
But I am over her
ROGER
Let's not hold hands yet
MIMI
Is that a warning?
ALL THREE
He/You/I
Just
Need(s)
To take it slow
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I
ALL
And it's beginning to
And it's beginning to
And it's beginning to
MAUREEN
Joanne, which way to the stage?
ALL
Snow
21.OVER THE MOON (The Lot)
MAUREEN
Last night I had a dream. I found myself in a desert called Cyberland. It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty. Out of the abyss walked a cow, Elsie. I asked if she had anything to drink
she said, "I'm forbidden to produce milk. In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke.� She said, "Only thing to do is jump over the moon. They've closed everything real down ... like barns, troughs performances spaces and replaced it all with lies and rules and virtual life, but there is a way out
BACKUPS
Leap of faith, leap of faith
Leap of faith, leap of faith
MAUREEN
"Only thing to do is jump over the moon"
I gotta get out of here! It's like I'm being tied
to the hood of a yellow rental truck, being packed
in with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a cliff
by a suicidal Mickey Mouse! I've gotta find a way
MAUREEN
"To jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon"
BACKUPS
Leap of faith, etc
MAUREEN
Then a little bulldog entered. His name (we have learned) was Benny. And although he once had principles,
he abandoned them to live as a lap dog to a wealthy daughter of the revolution.
"That's bull," he said
"Ever since the cat took up the fiddle, that cow's been jumpy
And the dish and the spoon were evicted from the table and eloped ...
She's had trouble with that milk and the moon ever since
Maybe it's a female thing
'Cause who'd want to leave Cyberland anyway?
Walls ain't so bad
The dish and the spoon for instance
They were down on their luck - knocked on my doghouse door
I said, "Not in my backyard, utensils! Go back to China!"
"The only way out is up," Elsie whispered to me
"A leap of faith.
Still thirsty?" she asked �Parched.�
"Have some milk"
I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen udder and sucked the sweetest milk I'd ever tasted. "Climb on board," she said. And as a harvest moon rose over Cyberland, we reared back and sprang into a gallop leaping out of orbit I awoke singing.
BACKUPS
Leap of faith, etc
MAUREEN
Only thing to do
Only thing to do is jump
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Over the moon over the
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moo with me
Thank you
22.LA VIE BOHEME (Life Cafe)
RESTAURANT MAN
No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister can't you go
Not tonight can't have a scene
ROGER
What?
RESTAURANT MAN
Go, please go;
You - Hello, sir
I said, "No"
Important customer
MARK
What am I just a blur?
RESTAURANT MAN
You sit all night you never buy
MARK
That's a lie that's a lie
I had a tea the other day
RESTAURANT MAN
You couldn't pay
MARK
Oh yeah
COLLINS
Benjamin Coffin III - here?
RESTAURANT MAN
Oh no
ALL
Wine and beer!
MAUREEN
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay
RESTAURANT MAN
Oy vey!
COLLINS
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?
BENNY
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well
MAUREEN
Go to hell
BENNY
Was the yuppie scum stomped
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped
ROGER
Why did Muffy-
BENNY
Alison
ROGER
Miss the show?
BENNY
There was a death in the family
If you must know
ANGEL
Who died?
BENNY
Our Akita
BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS
Evita
BENNY
Mimi I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(Who don't adhere to deals)
They make fun yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead
MARK
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes
COLLINS & ROGER
Dies irae dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.
MARK
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of mother earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass- you bet your ass to-
La vie Boheme
ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
MARK
To days of inspiration
Playing hookie, making something out of nothing
The need to express
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad
To riding your bike,
Midday past the three- piece suits
To fruits to no absolutes
To Absolute- to choice
To the Village Voice
To any passing fad
To being an us-for once-, instead of a them -
ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
MAUREEN
Is the equipment in a pyramid?
JOANNE
It is, Maureen
MAUREEN
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face
MR. GREY
Ahhemm
MAUREEN
Hey Mister- she's my sister
RESTAURANT MAN
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls
A BOY
Ugh
COLLINS
It tastes the same
MIMI
If you close your eyes
RESTAURANT MAN
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?
ALL
Wine and beer!
MIMI & ANGEL
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou
MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation
MARK
Mucho masturbation
MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new
COLLINS
To Sontag
ANGEL
To Sondheim
FOUR PEOPLE
To anything taboo
COLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage
COLLINS
Lenny Bruce
ROGER
Langston Hughes
MAUREEN
To the stage
PERSON #1
To Uta
PERSON #2
To Buddha
PERSON #3
Pablo Neruda, too
MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em
ALL
La vie Boheme
MAUREEN
And wipe the speakers off before you pack
JOANNE
Yes, Maureen
MAUREEN
Well - hurry back
MR. GREY
Sisters?
MAUREEN
We're close
ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY
Brothers!
MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana
ALL
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame - never playing the Fame Game
COLLINS
To marijuana
ALL
To sodomy,
It's between God and me
To S & M
BENNY
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter
ALL
La vie Boheme
COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner. Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.
ROGER
Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days
MARK
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello. Which she has never studied
BENNY
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?
MIMI
There's nothing to know
BENNY
Don't you think that we should discuss-
MIMI
It was three months ago
BENNY
He doesn't act like he's with you
MIMI
We're taking it slow
BENNY
Where is he now?
MIMI
He's right - hmm
BENNY
Uh huh
MIMI
Where'd he go?
MARK
Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song. That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz."
COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.
ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:
ALL
"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"
BENNY
Check!
MIMI
Excuse me did I do something wrong?
I get invited then ignored all night long
ROGER
I've been trying I'm not lying
No one's perfect I've got baggage
MIMI
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine
ROGER
I should tell, you-
MIMI
I've got baggage too
ROGER
I should tell you
MIMI
I got baggage, too
ROGER
I should tell you
BOTH
Baggage - wine
OTHERS
And beer!
MIMI
AZT break
ROGER
You?
MIMI
Me , You?
ROGER
Mimi
22.I SHOULD TELL YOU
ROGER
I should tell you I'm disaster
I forget how to begin it
MIMI
Let's just make this part go faster
I have yet to be in it
I should tell you
ROGER
I should tell you
MIMI
I should tell you
ROGER
I should tell you
MIMI
I should tell I blew the candle out
Just to get back in
ROGER
I'd forgotten how to smile
Until your candle burned my skin
MIMI
I should tell you
ROGER
I should tell you
MIMI
I should tell you
BOTH
I should tell
Well, here we go
Now we-
MIMI
Oh no
ROGER
I know this something is
Here goes
MIMI
Here goes
ROGER
Guess so
It's starting to
Who knows?
MIMI
Who knows
BOTH
Who knows where
Who goes there
Who knows
Here goes
Trusting desire starting to learn
Walking through fire without a burn
Clinging a shoulder, a leap begins
Stinging and older, asleep on pins
So here we go
Now we
ROGER
Oh no
MIMI
I know
ROGER
Oh no
BOTH
Who knows where who goes there
Here goes here goes
Here goes here goes
Here goes here goes
23.LA VIE BOHEME B
MAUREEN
Are we packed?
JOANNE
Yes and by next week
I want you to be
MAUREEN
Pookie?
JOANNE
And you should see
They've padlocked your building
And they're rioting on Avenue B
Benny called the cops
MAUREEN
That fuck
JOANNE
They don't know what they're doing
The cops are sweeping the lot
But no one's leaving
They're just sitting there, mooing!
ALL
Yeah!!!
To dance
A GIRL
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders
ALL
Film
MARK
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,
Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze
ALL
Music
ANGEL
Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation,
Rhythm, feeling, power, harmony, and heavy competition
ALL
Anarchy
COLLINS & MAUREEN
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,
Forcing changes, risk, and danger
Making noise and making pleas
ALL
To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross dressers too
MAUREEN
To me
MARK
To me
COLLINS & ANGEL
To me
ALL
To you, and you and you, you and you
To people living with, living with, living with
Not dying from disease
Let he among us without sin
Be the first to condemn
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
MARK
Anyone out of the mainstream
Is anyone in the mainstream?
Anyone alivewith a sex drive
OTHERS
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
La vie boheme
MARK
Tear down the wall
Aren't we all?
The opposite of war isn't peace
It's creation
ALL
La vie Boheme
ALL
Viva la vie Boheme
WEBMASTER