Personal Essay #2
Thai Ruminations
At the River's Edge
The hot sun and blue skies
on this free and happy Saturday
are nicely complemented by a cool breeze
from the brown and busy river.
Coming and going, coming and going.
Boats, monks, students, tourists.
White clouds move in, hiding the sun.
Coming and going, coming and going.
Western pop songs mingle with the chatter
as young Thais sit and eat
talking of food, friends, school, life.
Coming and going, coming and going.
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I feel this urge within me to be more than I am, or perhaps rather, to fulfill what is within me, thus becoming all that I am. However, to do so I must act and expend considerable energy. Living in Thailand, I am becoming more and more inclined to do little, to expend as little energy as possible. To enjoy, rather than seek or achieve. Bubbling ambition is stilled. It is paradise to sit in this air conditioned cafe on the river's edge, sipping a cool, delicious iced coffee.
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One of my biggest pet peeves about living in Asia is when people (usually women) will not sit next to me (the foreigner) on the bus or subway, but would instead rather stand and suffer. I am not a mutant!! Unfortunately, in Thailand the foreigner will always be an outsider -- strange, misunderstood and kept at a distance.
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It was damned hot last night and it's damned hot again this morning! The heat is unbearable, yet one must bear it. Ten minutes after showering this morning, I was again perspiring, drips of sweat trickling down my brow. Oh, for a cool breeze. Once on the fast ferry up the river, the heat is dissipated by a breeze. Next stop, my air-conditioned office. In tropical heat, the wise man acts calmly and slowly.
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I read an interesting statistic in the newspaper today. Apparently, only 1% (650,000) of the Thai population earns more than 25,000 baht (U.S. $600) a month. The going rate for foreign teachers now is 25,000 baht. Despite my grumbling about my income, I am indeed highly paid by Thai standards. 10% (6.5 million) of the population earns less than 750 baht ($18) a month. Farmers typically only earn about 3,500 baht.
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All the philosophers of China addressed themselves to the same problem: How is man to live a world dominated by chaos, suffering and absurdity? ... Chuang Tze's answer to the question is: free yourself from the world.
Is this still a world plagued by chaos, suffering and absurdity? For the majority on this planet, Chuang Tze's outlook
(given more than 2000 years ago) remains the case. Certainly for the bulk of people in China, India and Africa, the world and life in it is not a pleasant situation. Many long for release and hope for paradise or a better next life. In the richer, luckier parts of the world, people still face chaos and, suffering and absurdity, but it is largely their own creations. It is entirely possible to create chaos and suffering in paradise in as much as it is possible (albeit difficult) to transcend them in hell.
As I think about it more, I am inclined to think that chaos and absurdity are impossible to transcend because they are systemic variables of human society and the universe. Which brings me back to Buddhism -- it is only suffering we can truly transcend, but if we succeed in this, we will be little troubled by chaos and absurdity. This is at the core of Thai culture, but not fully understood by most Thais, even though their lives may reflect it.
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Life is smooth, easy and troublefree these days. The only irritants are my faltering computer and an impending future job change decision caused by the falling Thai baht. My new classes are relatively headache free. I have plenty of private teaching work. I have a wonderful wife and we are enjoying many good times together. Thailand is now in seducing mode. Many foreigners who come here become like Lotuseaters and find themselves unable to leave. Here, it seems to them, they escape the 'rat race' and all the other assorted pressures of living in Western society. They often reinvent themselves, genuinely or superficially. I, however, do not wish to retire quite yet. I've not yet enough money to live with the freedom and comfort I desire. I do not wish life to be a struggle, nor do I desire to live the life of a cat. And so, I cannot remain in Thailand.
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Two observations come to mind today, as I ponder life in Thailand. While most Thais seem genuinely happy, from my perspective, they mostly lead uninteresting, unstimulating lives. Six days a week of work (in Bangkok often rising at 4:30 A.M. and returning home around 8 P.M. to watch some television and then go to sleep) with a dull Sunday of housework and rest. As it is now for me, living for weekends and holidays, is bad enough. However, I try to do something reasonably stimulating in these largely periods of free time.
The second observation pertains to culture and adaptation. Some writers have noted how long-time expats in Thailand sometimes tend to act more Thai than Western. I find this happening to myself. Certain ways of behaving become engrained through frequency of experience. (Don't touch things with your feet; be highly respectful and not casual with superiors.) One's very character is altered. Even one's viewpoint becomes strangely transmogrified.
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