| Recently i caught up with an old net friend online and then found this saved e-mail. For some reason i feel like sharing it. ******************************* (If you think no one cares for you then you are wrong, there has been a prayer chain for you since the day i met you. They all rejoiced with your news that saturday after they prayed for you. They still do, they always will. I hope I don't have to go back to the chain and break them by saying you gave up. They care a lot about you. They love you even though they don't know you. You will actually end making over 300 people cry if you do this. They will remember this too. ) This isn't really funny but.... I want you to read two writtings. (writtings are thoughts from a person's mind written personal but not so personal that another person can't relate.) Here's the first one..... You say the world is hard and harsh. You say your tired of it all. You sound like the others. They all run through my head. "Girl you can't stop me, it's my choice my worthless life" "What's there to live for, my heart is torn to a point I can't stand it any more" "you know what will happen if I cut just right here right?" "You can't stop me, i have more in my room." "I can try if I want, there is no purpose for me." All these heartbroken screams; then i start to hear my own, from the past I prefer to have forgotten. "You know if I just took this knife right about here in my mid-chest, all would be well. I wouldn't have to be here anymore", "This pain is too much to bare, no one cares!! If they would they would listen and I could be happy. But my own father tells me that i'm worthless. So what would anyone care?", "I don't need to be here, this is not how life is suppose to be, it must end. IT MUST END NOW!!!!!"; Yes i hear them all. I hear everyone of them. I was only a child but i knew what would happen and I didn't care. I had no friends and I did care what those i loved thought because in my mind everyone had abandoned me. But something was in me, something that kept me from hurting myself. It showed images of my life before this and said that life will be like this someday but not today, it will be when you are ready and strong. For now you must take this time to learn to stand up because there is a battle ahead worse than this one, you must stay here on earth. You have a purpose but it will not be reveiled to you, not until the right time. For now stay here and learn what else there is. STAY HERE.... ************************************************************************* This one was written after reading a suicide poem by a friend: Suicide, I remember the thoughts of it well. You become hurt to a point where life has no point, in your mind. You want the quickest way to end it all. You think that if you die then no one will care, now anyways. I remember lying in my bed thinking of how nice it would be to lie in the solitude of a coffin. I remember thinking of different ways to kill myself. "A butcher knife? A razor? A gun?" I had no hope. I really didn't care about life because I had no reason to. But as you can see I never did do it. Some part of me kept telling me that my life is precious and that I should hang on a little while longer. I was never able to bring myself to do it, as you can tell. Now I sit here and remember the poem you wrote. You said that they don't know how it feels. I don't know your kind of heartbreak. But I do know how it feels to go that low in life. It's not "the easy way out". It's not "the bravest way out". It's not "the coward's way out". It's not anyway out!!! All though this thing does end your life. It doesn't take away the your troubles, it just makes them worse. When you're down this low you don't imagine the effect it has on your family and friends. You don't think about the future that it takes away. All you think is ending it all and nothing else. Suicide is just death, nothing more nothing less, and death is pain. This pain will not effect you, because you are the one who is dead. This pain effects all those you know and the course of the lives of those you were suppose to meet. LIFE IS A CHOICE, YES I KNOW THAT, BUT IT IS ALSO A PRIVILEDGE. *********************************************************************** If you choose not to speak to me anymore i will understand but please don't do this. It makes no sense at all to end a life that you don't know what things will happen out of it. Don't become a statistic to prove the older generation that we are a generation of losers. Don't be the next person on my list of dead people. Don't let me remember you this way. I will not and cannot lie to you about what you have done. I cannot forget someone who died like that. YOu are not a mistake!!! I don't care what anyone tells you. If you're a mistake then I am too. I have things wrong with me too. Maybe then I should kill myself because i have something i can't help either. Well let's see may be I should just kill myself because i have an incurable genetic skin disorder. Yeah maybe that would do the trick. That's what it sounds like to me. God doesn't make mistakes, he does everything for a reason. We don't know the reason until later but the situation usually makes us strong in the end. To become strong we must endure. If we don't try to continue then something worse then death will hurt us. It's my bed time. I'll see ya God bless, Janay |