Chapter 231: Tangers XXII

A/N: Song lyrics are from “Big Hands” from I think the Violent Femmes. If I got the band name wrong I really apologize.

 

Chapter 231: Tangers XXII—Sacre Bleu!

 

            Things looked good after the first period of the game had ended. In the locker room Patty seemed really happy. He was a little more vapid and giddy than he usually is but he didn’t seem overly stimulated. I had dared to breathe a sigh of relief.

            Actually I did get kind of worried when Patty’s intermission pee break began to stretch on, and on and on. It was one of those moments were there’s a brief silence in the room and you realize that he’s still going at it. I felt my cheeks reddening and I was trying furiously to think of something to say to get our attention off it. Coach Hartley was also turning red in the cheeks and he frowned.

            “Did he have too much to drink before the game eh?” He asked.

            “Eh, something likes that,” I replied.

            “Ooooooooo where have you been all my life!” Patty exclaimed from the bathroom. “Keep it coming!”

            Footer laughed at that point and he reached behind him and pulled out his wrist watch and said, “How long do you think he’s been going?”

            “A minute and a half at least,” Drury said, “I’ve had my timer on it for the last thirty seconds.”

            Another minute passed with everyone sorta looking at the floor and not really making eye contact with anyone else. It was odd because all of us were morbidly curious to listen but we didn’t want to admit as much to each other that we were getting entertainment out of it. Someone cleared their throat and then Patty began singing again. I recognized the song as one my mommy used to sing to me, never again would I hear it the same!

            Basically, that was a clue to how the rest of that game would go.

            Patty was kinda quiet after he came out of the bathroom and his eyes were really big and glistening, almost like a little kid’s eyes. He also had a grin on his face and he just sat there with his hands folded neatly in his lap for the remainder of the intermission.

            Patty skated slowly to his net when we took to the ice again. I skated around real quickly and took a glance at him. He was muttering to his posts, which was normal, and he was also going through a round of checks on himself, testing out his reflexes and holding his hands out in position. That was also normal.

            So, I thought at that point. Everything is gonna be fine.

            I watched Joey take the face off and the shift went splendidly and I even made a great pass to Milan who passed it to Joey who scored the first goal of the game. “You guys are awesome!” I cried out as the three of us congratulated each other.

            “It’s going great boys!” I heard Danny barking on the bench when I jumped into my seat. “We’re gonna ace it babe, ace it!”

            I exchanged looks with Danny and nodded. Things were indeed going just fine. The second period was a good one by all of us as a team because we really put in some good defensive work. We hemmed the Rangers into their own zone for most of the time and scored two more goals in the process. I was really feeling good about that.

            The only thing odd that happened was that Patty was really having a bad day wandering and we couldn’t keep him leashed to the net for anything. Well, that part wasn’t odd. It was weird when on two occasions Patty tried to clear the puck out of the zone and he really put a lot of mustard into each attempt, more so than I’ve ever seen a goalie put on a shot. On both of the shots the puck cracked the same pane of glass and play was really slowed because they had to change it.

            “How hard is Patty shooting the damn thing?” Morris said, “He could take someone’s head off with that shot, is it that drink doing it?”

            “I suppose,” I said, “I’ve never seen him shoot it that hard before.” Just as I finished that statement Patty ran out of the net again and tried a shot to clear the puck and he inadvertently bounced it off the side of Greg deVries helmet. “Sacre Bleu!” I exclaimed.

            Poor deVries dropped to the ice and play was stopped to check on him. Fortunately he was not really hurt but as his luck would have it, on his very next shift, Patty again got him with the clearing attempt. This time, deVries was cut above the ear and I watched as Karns pressed a towel to the wound and rushed him to the locker room.

            “Tell Patrick to tone it down,” Coach Hartley said calmly to Joey. “We don’t want him killing anyone.”

            “Heh,” Footer said, “It sure as hell beats us d-men getting crosschecked in the corners, it’s been easy all night for us. Let’s just say Devo is the sacrificial lamb for that luxury.”

            Patty seemed really penitent in the locker room during the second intermission and he wouldn’t leave deVries’ side. He kept apologizing and grabbing Devo’s hand and patting it. “I don’t like my defense men getting hurt,” Patty said. “Please forgive me!”

            DeVries seemed more scared than anything and he simply said yes to everything Patty said to him.

            Only one more period was left. It’s not as relaxing to go into a period with a three to nothing lead as you might think. Because even though you don’t want to, you kinda relax and tell yourself, “ok we’ve won” and as much as we say we don’t think that, well, we do. And if by chance a team were to pot one goal, then they begin to think, well let’s make it a one goal game, let’s tie it up, ok let’s take a lead. See where I’m getting at? I hope you do because in a shorter time than it took for Patty to have his first intermission pee, the Rangers tied the game and forty seconds later, they took the lead.

            All of us were on our heels; I’m not one to blame the goalie for everything. I mean of course it was obvious that Patty wasn’t completely on his game but we just didn’t do enough to calm things down when the Rangers got their wind. Still, I have to admit that I was somewhat surprised when the Coach didn’t give the go ahead to pull him. He just gave us instructions to calm things down and dig out of the hole.

            “Patty we’re gonna fix this,” I said to Patty in as comforting a voice I could use. “You’ll see.”

            Patty looked at me with those big eyes and he had a grin. “Fix what he said? I feel wonderful. Ooooo heh heh I love this song!”

            “Better set up Patty,” The referee Kerry Fraser said, “You don’t want to get caught on the face off again eh?”

            “When I go walking I strut my stuff and I’m all strung out!” Patty sang in a loud, giddy voice, at the same time dropping his gloves and wiggling in some weird, funny looking goalie pads dance. He then slipped off his mask and placed it on top of the net. Fraser looked horrified and his eyes widened. “I’m high as a kite and I just might stop to check you OUT!” At that point Patty jumped forward on his skates and it looked like he was lunging at Kerry Fraser who screamed in a high voice and jumped back.

            “Patrick for the love of God get a hold of yourself!” He snapped, “You’re delaying the game!”

            “You’re gorgeous!” Patty giggled, “I love you!” He reached forward and Kerry turned around to get away and Patrick bolted after him, wiggling his fingers, “Come here and show me some love!”

            “Stop it, stop it!” Kerry yelled, “Show some sense you crazy Quebecois!”

            I didn’t know what to do at that point. I looked helplessly at my linemates. Both Joey and Milan had this expression that was half a smile and half disbelief. Other guys were either staring slack jawed or others were laughing. I think there was a lot of laughter coming from the audience as well.

            “Patrick!” Kerry finally bellowed and he stopped running and he turned around and gripped Patrick tightly by the shoulders. He slapped him on the cheek and yelled. “Get a grip!”

            Patrick froze in position and everyone I’m sure was a bit stunned. The look on Patrick’s face was absolutely heart breaking. His eyes filled with tears and his bottom lip trembled. “Why’d you do that?” he asked meekly. “It hurt.”

            Kerry smiled tightly and patted him lightly on the cheek. “Get into your crease and behave or I’ll do it again.”

            Patrick sniffled, he actually sniffled and he skated back to his crease, put his mask and gloves back on and crouched into his starting position. “Drop the puck,” he said in a voice I knew was heartbroken.

            “Is there gonna be a call?” One of the Rangers players asked.

            Fraser shook his head. “No it’s something personal, let’s just get this game going.”

            “Joe what should we do?” I asked.

            Joey shrugged. “Go with it.”

            I almost rolled my eyes at him. I tell you at that moment I knew that the next time I saw Berry I was gonna rip him a new one!

            Patty seemed okay for the next few minutes of gameplay. He made some more saves and he was relatively quiet and that’s when it happened. I was on the ice and we were in our own zone. Footer passed the puck to Patty who was in the crease and usually that means Patty is gonna send the puck up to one of us or freeze it.

            Patty received the pass and then bolted up the center of the ice. I felt my heart freeze in panic as I saw Ranger players with smiles on their faces trying to steal it. Patty seemed to be using his big padded behind to block them and then right when he was at the farthest possible line a goalie can get to without a penalty; he teed the puck and shot it out of the zone. It really looked like he was just clearing it because it screamed out of the zone at a sharp angle and it made a loud crack off the glass that sounded like a gunshot. From there, it rebounded and in Danny Blackburn’s defense I saw that the puck was going at an incredibly high velocity, I don’t think I would have seen it coming at me. There was a loud ping as it hit the side of Blackburn’s mask and then fell into the net.

            My mouth dropped open when I saw the red light go on, the crowd screaming and Blackburn, poor kid, just stood there for a moment before he fell flat on his back, his arms splayed to his sides. I was still gaping when I looked at Patty whom, I was later told, had jumped so high in the air that they swore he must have been higher than the crossbar. By the time I looked at him he was buried under a pile of Joey, Milan, Footer, and Morris. All I could see of him were his big fat pads.

            I wiped at the tears streaming down my face. Patty had scored himself a goal! Something he had always wanted to do, something that just ate away at him and he would moan about sometimes when he was feeling blue. Not only that, he had actually beat a goalie to do it! Sacre Bleu! SACRE BLEU!

            “Sacre Bleu!” I heard Patty cry out when he wriggled out of the celebration pile and I saw that his mask, still white and unpainted, was lying on the ice. I was about to go to him, touched by the joy on his face and congratulate him but Kerry Fraser got there first.

            “Alrighty Patty that’s great for you,” Fraser said, “But we need to get this game.. WOAH!”

            “I love you!” Patty giggled and he dropped his gloves and grabbed Fraser around the waist, giving him a huge kiss and then grabbing his hands. “You’re gorgeous!” And then he went into an impromptu dance with Fraser, swinging him around the ice like one of those figure skaters on television.

            I cast my eyes to the heavens and said. “Thank God it’s a banned energy drink, I don’t think anyone would survive more than one night of this.”