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A/N: Mwahahaha!
Chapter 59: Tangers VII or The Land of Nuts and Fruits
Things seemed fine after our lunch with Joe. Danny and I made sure to keep Joe all busy with talk and stuff and we were even nice to Modo, making sure he knew how we were Joe’s friends and that he couldn’t be close to Joe like we were. We had our food brought to Joe’s table and the whole thing went like a charm.
We had no idea how horrifying this day would turn out to be! How could we have known? I mean, up to that point, the weirdest thing we had seen was Modo’s gift basket deluge, and Modo lunching with the captain. Hell, I didn’t think anything could get more odd than seeing the boy bath party back in Arizona! But I was wrong, oh so very wrong. Just when it seems like I have seen it all, or I was no longer innocent to life, something really freaked out happens. And of course, here in California, the land of nuts and fruits, I was to go through one doozy of an experience... perhaps you might say that I had a life altering experience!
It was around two o’clock when we were at the San Jose practice facility, you know to work out some, skate some, and have a pre-game dinner. The buffets were usually really healthy, protein rich or carbo rich affairs. That is to say, nothing vaguely interesting was served there except sometimes, if the coach can’t be there and Joey will sneak some quarts of ice cream onto the table, just as a perk.
You can imagine our surprise when after finishing our workouts that day and the coach let some of us players scamper into the back to nibble off the food, and we saw a buffet table littered with goodies no self respecting coach would ever let his boys touch. It was like someone had remembered all the details of Modano’s gift basket inventory and dumped them for all to enjoy!
"Oh my God!" Danny breathed. "I’m supposed to be losing weight! Is this someone’s sick joke?"
I twirled a finger in the glass bowl of M&M’s, and then looked at the other bowl full of glazed donut holes. "I don’t know!" I said. "This is weird!"
"Cookies!" Skoula exclaimed and he ran to the side of the table picking up a huge, fat, cookie and taking a bite. "Good! Good! Yummy!"
Danny shook his head. "That’s the last thing I need is cookies!"
I shrugged. "Well there’s a dish of celery sticks and carrots right there."
"I’m only looking at the Buffalo Wings on that dish!" Yeller said. "Mmmm let me at em!"
"Should we be eating this?" Danny asked. "There’s gotta be a mistake!"
I smiled when I noticed the three, huge punch bowls full of ice cream. "Ice Cream!" I exclaimed. "This has gotta be Joe’s idea! I mean Joe always orders the ice cream when he feels like the team needs some!"
That was enough permission for me. I grabbed a bowl, I grabbed a spoon and I attacked that chocolate chip cookie dough and dipped into the fudge and sprinkles. One serving of ice cream couldn’t hurt, I reasoned with myself, I mean, I had a fast metabolism and everything. I could easily work it off during a game!
Yelle already had a plate full of wings and he was digging into the M&M’s. Skoula was busy with the cookies but there was oh so much more! I mean there was the pastries, and jelly beans and those cool shepards bread and dip things. I knew all of this couldn’t be good before a game, but a little bit couldn’t hurt. Could it?
"Gang way!" Keaner barked as he stormed in the room. "I need to carbo load! Holy shit!"
I swallowed a gulp of ice cream and Keaner lifted a red eyebrow.
"I think Joe sent it," I mumbled.
Keaner shook his head. "Yeah if he has a bet on us to lose!"
"This can’t be the coach’s idea, can it?" Danny asked, gnawing on a carrot stick but eyeing the rest of the sticky plate of Buffalo Wings.
"Hell no!" Keaner laughed. "Hell no!"
"...and then they did, the DNA test," I heard Patty say as he and Pascal Trepanier came tramping into the room. There was a loud, cackling laugh from Trep that cut off immediately as soon as the pair saw the table.
"Is this a joke?" Patty asked.
I shrugged. "Who knows?"
"We can’t eat this, you know," Trep said, looking suddenly put out and placing his hands on his hips. "We should just leave the room now and never come back in!"
"Woooooo!" Footer yipped when he and Foppa and Mess came in. "Is it someone’s birthday?"
"It’s Delilah’s birthday," said Danny as he gazed at a luxurious chocolate cake that we hadn’t noticed before. There were nineteen candles on it, and it read Happy B’Day Delilah. He looked up at us. "Caterer musta made a mistake. We got Delilah’s birthday here. That explains it."
Footer laughed. "Poor kid, she’s got a Power Bar birthday going on right now, complete with Powerade punch."
I shook my head.
"Yow!" Skoula exclaimed, blinking rapidly and holding the punch he had poured for himself an arms length away. "This isn’t little girl’s punch!"
"Eh?" Patty snipped stalking over to Skoula and snatching the punch from him. He took a big swig from the Styrofoam cup and his eyes popped open. "Mon Dieu! Marty’s right! This punch is spiked!" He giggled and drained the rest of the cup. "And it’s real good!"
"Patty!" I exclaimed. "Don’t drink that! The game tonight! The game!"
Patty’s eyes darted daggers at me and he poured himself another cup. "Don’t tell me what to do! Just for that I’m having another one."
I looked at Footer for help, and all I could see was worry in his eyes. Weall knew that Patty was fine during a game as long as he followed two beers or fewer rules. Anymore than that, then he just got grumpy and he wandered a whole lot. I mean if he only stayed with two cups of punch, we still didn’t know what it was spiked with and was it stronger than beer! In fact, all of us got quiet in the room, and all we could hear was the sound of Danny’s munching on veggie sticks. Patty finished gulping down the second cup and then his eyes roved over us.
"You scared I drink more?" he said slowly and then he smiled that vapid, giddy two-beer smile. "Fine then, no faith in me, I prove you right!" And Patty poured another cup.
"Come on, Patty," Footer said. But there really wasn’t much we could do. Patty was the veteran in this room and although Fops and Footer were alternate captains, Patty had never that I know of listened to alternate’s. It was only the word of Joe that would stop him now.
Patty swallowed the rest of the cup and promptly went for another when Keaner, a tight set to his jaw, stepped forward and pressed his hand on Patty’s arm. "That’s enough, OK you’ve scared us."
Patty grinned, looking into Keaner’s eyes and he crushed the cup in his hand. "Bon!" he said. "Bon, bon, bon..."
He drifted out of the room humming to himself.
"That’s it," Keaner said holding his hands up. "We’re not eating this!" He looked straight at Fops and Footer who both snapped to attention.
"Yeah!" Peter said in a deep voice. "Hands off the food!"
"Ooooooh darlings, Patty’s giggling and breathing vapors," David Aebischer cooed as he slid into the room. "What are you stashing back here? Well grab my ass!"
Keaner grinned and leaned on Abby, grabbing his ass and eliciting a squeal from Abby and I think one from me. "We ain’t touching it sweetheart," Keaner said.
"God these brownies are great!" Yelle moaned with a mouthful of the chocolate dessert. "Please let the guys try em! Pleeeease!"
"Ookay," Footer said after he and Peter looked at each other. "Everyone can have a brownie but then we’re closing off this room!"
"Woo!" Skoula wooped and he grabbed a brownie, the other guys following suit except for Danny.
"You not having a brownie?" I asked.
"Nope," Danny said. "I gotta lose some weight! What about you Tangs?"
I shook my head. "Chocolate makes me break out."
That was the beginning of the insanity that would be the night’s game.
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